


fragile bodies

by amaelamin



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Historical, I mean it, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Supernatural Elements, Vampires, really slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 19:54:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 81,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10043561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaelamin/pseuds/amaelamin
Summary: "But sitting right there in his cot looking tired and small and trying to talk to me like he’s a real person – I can’t let myself be taken in. This is what all the literature says they do to you. They try to confuse you, catch you off-guard.We finally have a way to find out enough information about them so that we can protect ourselves. That’s the most important thing here. I need to do my job, no matter what."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Хрупкие тела](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12912627) by [ly_rika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ly_rika/pseuds/ly_rika)



> title from [here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_oOc3Zj0KU)

The door to my cell opens and honestly, I hate myself for the little _thread_ of _dread_ that runs through me – they’ve already been at me today though, and they’ve never taken me to the lab to _slice_ and _dice_ twice in a day so far.

Apparently I like rhymes today. Ah, I’m tired.

I open my eyes. It’s a guard, and he handcuffs me to the ring in the wall next to my cot – they’re not gentle, these guards. I wonder if he’s scared of me.

Oh, I can still laugh – he looks down at the little scoff I give and for a moment I think he’s going to say something? But he doesn’t. Of course he’s not scared of me – _I_ wouldn’t be scared of me in this situation.

He’s bringing in a chair next – settles it against the far wall from the cot and then leaves, but he doesn’t close the door behind him. Looks like maybe I’ve got a visitor?? Amazing??

I’m right. A man comes in and sits down on the chair, turns on a voice recorder and puts it on the floor in between us. He looks at it and then looks at me, and awkwardly pushes it closer. He clears his throat. I don’t say anything – I just stare back at him. I’m trying my best to unnerve him and it looks like it’s working. If I could still glamour people I’d be out of these handcuffs in two seconds, but they’ve taken care of _that_ very well.

He doesn’t look like one of the doctors. He’s definitely not a witch. He’s not a guard, and he’s very possibly not a hunter – I run through all the different things he could or couldn’t be in my mind like a record stumbling over a flaw in the vinyl and repeating itself on loop; he’s not this, he’s not this, he’s not this, he’s not – I’m weak and can’t really think straight. I haven’t been able to think clearly since I was brought here. I know they’re putting something in the blood they feed me.

I sit up to take the pressure off the arm currently chained to the wall and my head swims a little – I am not used to this feeling. One arm handcuffed, the other arm still half-healed and sore, and having to deal with humans coming in to silently sit and stare at me – _honestly._

The man clears his throat. “I’m here to take a record of your details and history.”

I blink at him, slowly. I’ve found in the past that tends to infuriate people. He seems like he’s waiting for me to say something, so I don’t. His heart is going pretty fast – I can’t hear it as well as I should be able to, but I still can hear the beats – thud thud thud thudthudthudthudthud. He’s scared or nervous at least – and I want to laugh again at how touched I feel that this poor human still finds me something to be reckoned with. Aww. Maybe I should indulge him a little.

“What’s your name?” I say, and by his reaction that question is the last thing he’s expecting.

“That’s not – that’s not important. You just need to-”

“You know my name. Why can’t I know yours? Seems a little unfair.”

He frowns at me. Of course he doesn’t know my name – I’ve refused to give it to anyone here so far just to be annoying, and now I’m confusing him. Then I smile.

I was turned when I was only nineteen years old. I know I look very young and sweet when I smile – innocent, harmless, like someone you want to protect – and right now this man isn’t seeing the demon; he’s seeing the human boy who lived almost two hundred years ago and he’s forgetting for the moment what I really am. He stares at me, then like waking from a dream averts his eyes.

“If I tell you my name will you tell me yours?” He says after a beat. I almost want to keep smiling at him just to see what his reaction will be when he finally stops fiddling with the documents in his lap and looks up at me again.

“Sure,” I say, shrugging. The action makes the handcuff clink against the metal ring and his eyes are drawn to where I’m chained. I don’t know why the bastards bother – I’m not sure I can overpower anybody the way I am right now.

“I’m Jung Taekwoon. You are?”

I smile again instead of answering and he’s about to take in a rushed breath of indignance before I give in, laughing to myself.

“Family name Han, given name Sang-hyuk,” I parrot like it’s the first day of school – or at least if I’d ever been to school.  “What else do you want to know, sir?”

He gives me a suspicious look – I’m enjoying myself. But why not? I can’t see how this can hurt me, and if I’m going to die here then maybe having a record of myself so I go down in the history books somehow isn’t a bad idea. Once their experiments are done they’ll stake me, I know it.

I wonder how I’m so calm about all this.

While I’ve been lost in my head the human’s been talking. Oh, wait – _Taekwoon’s_ been talking.

“Where are you from?”

“What, originally?”

“Yes.”

“Hanbat.”

“-What?”

I grin at him. “Do you expect me to do all the work for you?”

“Where is Hanbat? I’ve never heard-”

“Do your research. I’m expanding your horizons.”

Taekwoon stops and looks at me. I can’t tell if he’s just thinking or trying to glare.

“Where are _you_ from?”

And there it is – he looks up pointedly and the game is on. I wonder if he knows the story _1001 Arabian Nights_ and how part of me is already wondering how long I can prolong this ‘taking a record of my details and history’ thing so that I stay alive until I can figure out how to get myself out of here. I don’t know how long their experiments will last – and I’m not looking forward to finding out – but there is an opportunity here.

He pauses, and at this point his heart is going so fast I wonder if he’s going to pass out. Why is he so nervous?

“Seoul. I was born here.”

 _Oh._ I’m pleased and I show it, but he doesn’t smile back at me. Maybe I should cut back on all the smiling. I’m starting to feel light-headed.

My arm is beginning to itch, too – new skin forming always itches like hell, and I squirm because I can’t scratch at it under the tight bandages. I don’t know why they put the bandage on – it’s not like the wound can get infected.

He’s looking at my arm. I wonder how much he knows –

“Do you know what they’re doing to me?”

“Not specifically.”

“Do you want to know?”

I watch him look away, look down. He looks back at me steadily.

“No. I’m just here to get your personal details.”

“So cold,” I say. I’m thinking of being out on the street, of seeing this Jung Taekwoon with his defences down. How I’d look at my hands after drinking him dry, watching his blood warm my skin and make me glow with every outward appearance of being alive like he is, right now. I’m older now, so it won’t last very long – but for a day or so I will look once more like I did when my heart still used to beat. Fresh roses in my cheeks, light in my eyes.

He clears his throat. If this is how he’s going to be then – fine.

“When were you born?”

I look at him, then deliberately shift my gaze to the blank wall beside his head and keep it there.

*

Hanbat is Daejeon.

All it took was just to google it and instantly I found what I was looking for. I feel like I should have remembered this from my history classes in high school.

If he calls it Hanbat that means he was born and raised there before 1905, before they changed the name. He’s at least – what, ninety years old? Ninety years dead? He doesn’t look more than seventeen or eighteen. Altogether he’s existed for more than a century.

I don’t know how to –

He’s the first one I’ve seen up close like that. It’s crazy – he looks so real. So human. But when you really look you can see how pale he is. It’s an abnormal colour: nobody alive is pale like that. And then you start to notice how still he is, because he doesn’t breathe. It’s crazy. Just crazy.

I was glad they chained him, even though they told me he’d be too weak to be a threat. I wouldn’t have known what to do if he’d gotten off his cot and tried to come close.

He looks so _young_. But he is not human, not even alive. It’s not like I can forget that he’s a vampire but to be confronted with one right in front of me in such a… wrong setting really did my head in. I say wrong because – we were in a cell, brightly lit, white tiles, smelling of disinfectant, him sitting across from me on his cot wearing a too-big white shirt and trousers, barefoot. Everything that a vampire reminds you of – blood, the night, danger, strength, viciousness, fear – all of that was a thousand years away from us in that room. He looked tired and weak. That bandage on his arm, too – I know they’re doing experiments, but I don’t know what exactly. That’s not my department. He asked if I wanted to know what was being done to him and god, I wanted to say yes, but things were not – he talked to me like he’s still in control. He smiled and laughed and asked _me_ questions about myself and all of that coming from a _thing_ with such a baby face – he’s killed hundreds of humans. No, not even hundreds. Thousands. But sitting right there in his cot looking tired and small and trying to talk to me like he’s a real person – I can’t let myself be taken in. This is what all the literature says they do to you. They try to confuse you, catch you off-guard.

We finally have a way to find out enough information about them so that we can protect ourselves. That’s the most important thing here. I need to do my job, no matter what.

*

My hair’s starting to grow into my eyes. It’s honestly annoying how many times I have had to cut my hair in all these years – luckily my nails were already short when I died, but in those days men wore their hair long. If I’m still alive in about two months’ time I will look exactly how I did in 1860.

I wonder if it may not be better to refuse the blood they give me and just starve to death. It tastes diluted – I don’t know what they’re adding into it and it drives me crazy. I know I’m not imagining becoming less weak just before they give me the daily bags of the stuff; whatever’s in it takes a full day to wear off and then the next dose is in the blood. To be very honest I think I have a fair idea what it is – the thought of it makes me want to throw it all up. But – the demon won’t let me die, I think. Its utmost priority is keeping this body alive. I won’t last trying to starve myself and neither will the people running this place allow it. I wonder how one goes about force-feeding a vampire?

Here comes the ugly guard –

Handcuffs, chair. Hello again, Jung Taekwoon.

I’m excited despite having to be physically restrained. I can’t help it – it’s not like they’ve given me anything else to amuse myself with. Apart from the daily trips to the witches and the doctors, of course – though that’s the kind of exciting I could do without.

My other arm is bandaged today, and this time the whole forearm and down to most of my hand. That’s the first thing he looks at.

His heartbeat is steadier today. Interesting. Did he give himself a pep talk before coming in? Aww.

He repeats the whole process from yesterday – sets down the voice recorder, adjusts it. I take the time to look at him.

He’s wearing normal office clothes; I wonder what his job is here. I’ll ask him later. His hair is dark, undyed, cut fashionably – hah. Someone’s a bit of a vainpot. Then again he’s tall and broad across the shoulders, so he probably fancies himself a bit of a heartbreaker. There’s piercing holes in his ears, too – I noticed that yesterday. What a rebel!

Jung Taekwoon has finished setting up and is looking at me, waiting. If only he knew what I was thinking about him – I try not to smile. Should I keep up my silent protest? That might make him go away, though, and that wouldn’t be very interesting. I badly need something to distract myself with.

We open our mouths to speak at the same time and both stop, staring at each other. He looks so surprised I can’t help but laugh.

“You first,” I say. I am nothing if not courteous.

“I was born in 1990,” comes his reply, and I am so, so smug about this you have no idea. He’s agreeing to play the game with me.

“And you?” He prompts. He’s trying to make himself sound and seem more assertive. Did he think he’d lost the upper hand yesterday?

“I was born in the seventh year of Heonjeong’s reign,” I reply, and he immediately digs out an A4-sized piece of paper out of his folder of documents and scans it.

“What’s that?”

“A list of Joseon kings,” he replies, and he sounds so self-satisfied for coming accurately prepared I don’t know if I want to laugh or smack him. He knew I wasn’t going to make it that easy for him today after yesterday’s ‘Hanbat’, and that knowledge amuses me. This human amuses me.

“1841!” he announces, and looks up at me for confirmation. “Right?”

I shrug magnanimously. 1841. I’m not so old that I can’t remember when I was human, though what it was like living in those times is probably better off forgotten. I still am grateful for being turned – the rest of my life was not looking to be very long or good.

“And how old were you when you were turned?”

I raise an eyebrow at him, and I can see – visually _see_ – him flounder. What can he give me in return?

“Is there anything you want to know?” he gives up eventually and asks, and I smile.

“What are you working as?”

He seems taken aback. I don’t think he was expecting a personal question, but the more I know about this place and what is happening to me the better.

“I’m a demonologist. Sort of like an anthropologist, but for vampires. A historian? Something like a-”

I put out an offended hand to stop him. How stupid does he think I am? “I know what a demonologist is. No wonder you were so excited to meet me.”

His face blanches and I have to swallow down a snort. Did he think I wouldn’t know?

“My heartbeat?” he ventures, and I nod. “You can still hear that well?”

Well, now. I try to control myself – but I look up too quickly, stare at him too sharply. He _knows_ , and the moment he asks me that he blinks and looks down. He knows something about how my senses and strength are being dulled, and now he knows that I know _he_ knows. This is something I will use. Later.

“Your age when you were turned?” he asks, changing the subject and reminding me the ball is in my court and I have to serve.

Well, since he has that list. “Three years before Yi Byeon died.”

“Yi Byeon?” He mutters to himself, frowning as he looks down the list. He stops. “I only have the temple names of the Joseon kings here, not their personal names.”

“More research,” I tilt my head at him, looking innocent. I’m very good at that, looking innocent. He isn’t amused.

“Can’t you just tell me?”

“Or you’ll do what?” The threat in my voice is barely there, but fully intended. I may be chained to a wall and weak, but apparently I can still make his heartbeat speed up. I wipe every trace of a smile off my face and fix him with one of my best stares, and I try – I try so hard to make the fangs come, but my teeth stay blunt. It’s such a terrible shock I forget I’m in the middle of trying to intimidate him and look away, tongue probing both canines worriedly. They haven’t – what have they done? What are they doing to me?

“Sanghyuk,” the human says, says it like he has the right to my name and my history and my life and suddenly I’m so angry the emotion suffocates me. I yank at the handcuffs, not caring if they cut me and make me bleed. They have no right to do this to me. Kill me – don’t keep me here like a caged lab rat and make me powerless, feeding me drugged blood out of a fucking bag –

“Sanghyuk,” he repeats, alarmed, and he’s off his chair and standing as far as he can from me against the opposite wall. I’m yelling before I realise it – yelling threats and demands and insults. I break my cot – I’m not sure how, one-handed, but the door opens and somebody pulls Jung Taekwoon out and then it all goes black.

I don’t know how long I’m out for. I wake up sometimes, but everything is fuzzy and it hurts to open my eyes, so I go back to sleep. It’s like when I was just turned and the dawn used to affect me strongly – I would fall asleep almost on the spot, sluggish and dazed. Hakyeon used to find it so funny.

When I finally wake up and my head isn’t full of cotton and my body doesn’t feel like lead I lay very still, taking stock. I’m not handcuffed. I’m lying on a new cot.

I think – and I’m embarrassed to say it – I must have knocked myself out with the force of the tantrum I threw in my weakened state. I don’t know if they gave me something else after that to keep me sedated – I can’t have passed out for days, can I? I don’t even know how much time has passed.

I feel empty. I want to get angry again but I can’t. The arm they cut open the last time has completely healed now, but they’ll open it up again soon; I heard them talking because they don’t bother to put me under while they are operating. I think it has something to do with interfering with the procedure, whatever it is. So I can feel and hear everything but I can’t see what they’re doing – they give me a paralysing tranquiliser, though, so I don’t struggle. And they gag me when I start screaming.

I can’t even make my fangs come anymore. What am I?

*

Han Sanghyuk is nineteen years old, as well as a hundred and fifty-seven years dead. That’s longer than I thought. He’s lived through the end of Joseon, through Japanese rule, through war after war, through huge advances in technology – that isn’t quite right, is it? Saying he ‘lived’.

He’s literally seen Korea change before his eyes. I can’t even wrap my mind around this. Imagine the things he’s seen? What an incredible source of first-hand history he is?

Something happened at our last meeting. He’s unpredictable; he’s smiling at me one moment and threatening me the next, and he suddenly freaked out. He nearly pulled the metal ring they handcuff him to out of the wall – I thought he was going to dislocate his own arm trying to yank himself free. He was thrashing so hard he actually broke off a leg of his _metal_ cot. And all this when he’s not at a hundred percent strength.

You know what gave me the real chills, though? He kept screaming ‘kill me’ over and over. I can still hear it.

I’m really nervous going in to today’s meeting. I have no idea what mood he’s in, or if he’s stable – maybe what happened the last time was a good thing. I think I needed to see that side of him; the dangerous side.

It’s difficult to remember that, though, when I see him – he looks paler and thinner than the last time, though I don’t know how vampires can look like they’ve lost weight. Hasn’t he been eating? Have they not been feeding him? I immediately want to retch – I’m thinking about him drinking blood. _Human blood_. Blood bank blood, but still – thick, viscous, dark human blood.

He seems – resigned. He doesn’t look like he could hurt a fly. He’s sitting hunched in a corner on his cot – a new one, after the one he broke – with his one wrist handcuffed to the ring as usual, and the fine bones in his fingers and arm stand out especially so today. He looks too young.

“Hi,” I say, and immediately feel stupid.

He tilts his head at me and smiles wryly. I think the person he’s mocking is himself.

I fix this in my mind: this is a demon sitting before me. If I hold a mirror up to his face there will be no reflection because he has no soul. Han Sanghyuk died in 1860. This is a demon – one of thousands – who has taken his body and since then murdered its way through the country. Viciously, callously, to please and sate itself. There are too many of his kind here, and humans are losing this war.

There are bloodstains on his pillow, but no recent wounds on his face. He sees me looking and turns his pillow over in – anger? His face is carefully blank.

“Tell me about when you were turned,” I ask, and after a few quiet moments where I start to think he isn’t going to cooperate today he begins talking.

“I was poor. Everyone was poor then, especially in Hanbat. It really wasn’t a life worth living,” he shrugs, and I’ve done my research as he keeps telling me to do. I know how the government and royal family were mired deep in corruption and infighting, leaving the common people to suffer. He tells me how drought after drought brought terrible famine and rebellions left villages desolate. When he says ‘poor’ he means actual desperate poverty – I try to imagine him as he was, thin and hopeless, and with the way he looks right now it isn’t difficult. His hair has grown, too, I realise with a shock – it’s only been four days since I saw him last but it’s definitely longer. He’s a Joseon man, of course - he would have worn his hair in a topknot, and it’s growing back to that length.

“And then Hakyeon found me,” he’s saying simply. He’s quiet then, looking away from me, and he’s looking into a past that I can’t see.

“Who is Hakyeon?”

“My sire,” he says still without looking back at me. “Hakyeon is my sire. My master, my maker. He grabbed me out of the street one night and saved me.”

I blink at the choice of words. “Why did he decide to turn you?” I ask carefully, wanting to keep things slow instead of bombarding him with questions on the siring ritual. I can’t help but be excited – this is first-hand information we’ve never had before. Everything I know is from second-hand accounts – books, fiction and non-fiction, even the stupidest television shows and movies. All our source material is so limited we have to treat everything we have regarding vampires as a possible theory of how they live, how they work. I’ve never had it straight from the mouth of a vampire before.

He looks at me then, and I become very aware of my heartbeat. I don’t know what he’s doing until his eyes drift to my chest, and – he’s listening to my heart.

I watch him watching me, listening to my heart pump warm blood throughout my body. Is he hungry? Does he want to drain me? My hands are going cold as I think about this; his gaze is unflinching. I wonder what it must do to him to have me near him like this; I know they’re not feeding him more than the minimum amount required for him to stay alive. The distance between us suddenly seems much smaller and easily crossed, and images of him sinking his teeth into my neck come unbidden. I have to bite my lip to stop myself panicking.

I desperately wonder what he was like before he was caught. A vampire that’s managed to survive for almost two hundred years must be strong and fast to outrun, outwit, outfight the hunters while still managing to catch prey for themselves – smart, above all. Has he spent these two hundred years alone? Oh, no, he must have been with –

“Hakyeon,” Sanghyuk begins abruptly. “There wasn’t any real reason why he picked me. He said he was lonely.”

 _Like collecting playthings_ , I think.

“How did he do it? Turn you?”

“First they have to suck your blood. Then you have to suck their blood. It’s like a whole big sucking thing.”

He says it without any expression on his face whatsoever that for a moment the reference totally escapes me – then my jaw drops.

“You’ve watched _Buffy?_ ”

The first smile of today, but it’s a small one. “We’re very interested in seeing how humans portray us. Lots of inaccuracies in that show, to be honest.”

“Like what?” I can’t help asking – I’m greedy. I don’t even realise I’m leaning forward in my chair towards him.

“Once you invite us in you can’t reverse it,” he says after a little thought. “And our faces don’t change like that when we’re fighting or feeding.” He stops, and grins to himself. “Plus a few other pretty important things that I’m not going to tell you.”

“Why-” I burst out, forgetting myself. The look on his face tells me I’ve played right into his hands and I sit back, scowling.

“I don’t think we’re close enough yet,” he smiles, and he could be an angel; he really could. An angel that would tear my throat out if he was able. I wonder what all these questions are going to cost me.

“Let’s go back to Hakyeon,” I say, taking a deep breath. “How did he turn you? Apart from the sucking.”

He raises an eyebrow at me, grinning, and god – I blush. I really hadn’t meant it to come out that way – he’d made it sound so innocent before when he said it –

“Apart from the sucking, as you put it,” he says agreeably, and I’m very, very aware of the blood rushing to my face. “There’s really nothing much else. The sucking is _the_ thing. You have to be brought right to the edge of life such that you’re still alive enough for the demon to be able to take over but not so alive that you are able to fight it – you just go mad that way with a demon half-trapped in your body. You must be on the very cusp of death before they give you their blood, and then you just wait. It usually takes until the next sunset. Quite instant, this vampire-production business.”

“What do you remember from when you woke up?” I’m on the edge of my seat again.

Sanghyuk thinks, rubbing the pad of one finger against the fabric of his trousers seriously.

“Relief,” he says, and I have no idea how to respond to that. It must show on my face because I’m incredulous – relief that you’ve been turned into a demon? Relief that now to survive you will have to kill, and keep killing –

*

Sanghyuk blinks and stirs, and there is a flurry of movement beside him before he sees Hakyeon’s upside-down face peering at him from where he’s standing over Sanghyuk lying on a pallet of – Sanghyuk tries to look down. It feels soft, and it smells like water where they are. He looks up at Hakyeon once more and – fangs.

Sanghyuk opens his mouth to yell but Hakyeon is already there, clamping a hand over his mouth. He throws him off easily – Hakyeon nearly hits the wall of the cave and Sanghyuk stares in shock at him, then looks down at his own hands.

_He can see in the dark He never used to be this strong He can hear distinct sounds water crickets birds His heart isn’t beating_

It takes him a while to realise he doesn’t need to breathe. He’s been doing it artificially – taking in a breath to yell, inhaling before moving. It’s very, very strange to feel scared but not have his heart beat faster in response, to not feel the prickling of the hairs on the back of your neck.

He says the word for ‘ghost’. Hakyeon shakes his head, standing up and dusting himself off and looking more than a little miffed. He comes over to where Sanghyuk’s backed himself into a corner and stands before him.

“You can call me Hakyeon. Hyung, if you like. I am much, much older than you.”

He takes Sanghyuk by the hand and leads him out of the cave into the evening like a little child – with all the things Sanghyuk has to worry about right then this still annoys him. He’s nineteen years old – he’s already a man. He tries to pull away but Hakyeon only holds on tighter, and Sanghyuk finds he cannot budge him at all. Hakyeon moves him along with the inevitable force of a glacier.

He has the feeling Hakyeon wants to say many things but is controlling himself as they walk down from the mountain and back onto the road leading down to Hanbat despite Sanghyuk’s slew of panicked questions. They aren’t even very near to the town before Sanghyuk can hear voices, carts, animals; a cacophony of noise that he shrinks from. Hakyeon holds him more gently but doesn’t let him stop, cradling Sanghyuk’s shoulders in a determinedly steady pace.

Then the overpowering smells of human squalor hit him. Hakyeon is all but dragging him along by the time they reach the town; Sanghyuk cowering from everything assaulting him.

“You will get used to it,” Hakyeon murmurs in his ear, and Sanghyuk almost sobs at the full honey sound of Hakyeon’s voice. They push through the outskirts until they start seeing people – they look warm and smell alive and sound soft, impressions that confuse Sanghyuk. Colours are bright slashes against the backdrop of the velvet dark, soft like ink - the vivid lights of the night lamps make him shut his eyes, and he turns his face into Hakyeon’s shoulder. There is a pounding starting in his head that is so loud it’s beginning to drown out everything, and he tries to press his hands into his ears to stop hearing it. It doesn’t work.

Sanghyuk barely registers that they’ve stopped – there are voices, raised in song and chatter; the smell of soju and piss; and that horrible _pounding_ –

“Open your eyes,” Hakyeon whispers to him, and Sanghyuk doesn’t want to move but a strange compulsion makes him lift his face from Hakyeon’s shoulder – he can’t disobey. Hakyeon doesn’t let go of him.

There’s a man standing twenty paces away from them. They’re standing in an alley next to a drinking house, and Sanghyuk still wants to flinch from the glass-sharp sounds coming from inside it. The man has undone his pants and is relieving himself against the wall of the building next door, looking back over his shoulder ever so often like he can’t wait to get back inside the inn.

“Focus on him,” Hakyeon tells Sanghyuk, but Sanghyuk doesn’t know what Hakyeon means. He frowns and stares at the man, wrinkling his nose at the man’s sweat stench, not knowing what to expect. Slowly he finds the pounding in his head becomes fine-tuned; narrower, more delicate, clearer, and the more he focuses on that the other sounds fade into the background.

Sanghyuk listens to the man’s heart.

Hakyeon gently leads him forward by the hand, fingers soft, skin smooth – almost playful in the way he turns back to smile at Sanghyuk. The man jolts when he realises they’re approaching him. Sanghyuk doesn’t want to be this near to him. His heart is too loud.    

The man turns to look at Hakyeon, and after a beat walks a step towards him. Sanghyuk frowns, trying to keep up – does he know Hakyeon? The man stops when Hakyeon takes him by the upper arms, and just stands there with his arms hanging loose by his side, looking into Hakyeon’s eyes.

“Come here,” Hakyeon says, and Sanghyuk pushes himself off the wall of the drinking house he’d pressed himself against without realising it, trying to get away from this man and his loud heart. His heart isn’t pounding too loudly now, however – it’s slowed down, steadier. Sanghyuk looks at Hakyeon and looks at the man’s blank face.

“What are you doing to him?”

“I will teach you,” Hakyeon replies, though that isn’t the answer Sanghyuk wants. And then –

Hakyeon opens his mouth and Sanghyuk sees the fangs he remembers from last night. He watches Hakyeon sink them into the side of the man’s neck before beginning to drink.

Sanghyuk gasps harshly – he can’t help it. He realises he’s watching his own death played out once more so that he can understand.

“Not a ghost,” he stammers out.

Hakyeon raises his head, and there’s blood on his mouth and dripping down his chin. He drags his fingers across his mouth and reaches out to Sanghyuk, smudging the blood over Sanghyuk’s lips before Sanghyuk can jerk himself away.

There is nothing else Sanghyuk can smell in that moment. The force of it is so strong he almost loses focus of what he’s seeing right in front of him – the man’s blood is rich and intense and he shivers uncontrollably at the way it fills his head, and without noticing he reaches out to steady himself on Hakyeon’s shoulder.

Hakyeon cups Sanghyuk’s cheek in one hand and deliberately swipes a freshly-bloodied thumb once more over Sanghyuk’s lips, and slowly – slowly – without taking his eyes off Hakyeon Sanghyuk tastes his bottom lip.

Hakyeon smiles at the shuddering breath that Sanghyuk can’t help but take even though he doesn’t need to.

“Come here,” Hakyeon says once more, turning the unresisting man in his arms and offering him to Sanghyuk like he’s a present.

Sanghyuk stares at the wounds already made in the man’s neck by Hakyeon, pulsing blood, and the realisation dawns on him that he’s very, very hungry.

*


	2. Chapter 2

He’s disgusted with me; I can see it plain as day on his face. I think I _may_ have upset his fragile human feelings describing what it felt like to drink hot blood straight out of the vein for the first time.

“Do you remember last year?” I ask him abruptly, and it takes him a moment to catch up. “When that man climbed into the tiger enclosure in the zoo and that beautiful tiger was shot after it mauled him to death?”

“Yes, why?” I like how he pays attention to everything I say, even when he’s probably feeling extremely uncomfortable with me right now.

“Remember the uproar? How many people spoke out against the killing of the tiger?”

He’s not stupid. He knows what I’m working towards.

“Are you comparing yourself to the tiger?”

Taekwoon’s tone is clipped now, defensive. He’s drawn back, hands clasped formally in his lap. I wonder if he’s aware of how his posture gives away his feelings even though his face can be quite an admirably blank mask.

“Well,” I shrug. “You all say animals shouldn’t be held accountable for acting like animals. That if a human wanders into their territory or provokes them and the human gets hurt then it’s the human’s fault.”

“It’s _you_ who are in _our_ territory!” Oh, Jung Taekwoon is getting fired up.

“Are we? Let’s say for a moment we are. Fine. What then about the humans who don’t take precautions against us? It’s common knowledge by now what humans can do to protect themselves. Don’t go out alone after dark, always wear your holy amulets, don’t invite strangers in after sunset. Really quite simple. And yet not all of you bother to be careful, do you?”

“That doesn’t give you the right to murder them,” Taekwoon shoots back, and I resist the urge to smile.

“Would you say the same for a tiger?” I cock my head, pretending to be thoughtful.

“Animals don’t know any better. You do. You know what you’re doing.”

“Really? And our alternatives are?” I raise one eyebrow at him. “You’re talking like we have a choice between killing humans and not doing so. As if it’s a matter of ‘knowing better’, like the choice humans have to be cruel to one another or not,” I watch him carefully as I say this, and I relish the stony look that’s beginning to set in. “You know what I think?”

I wait.

I have actually made him so angry that he’s having trouble deciding whether he really does want to know what I think or not. I think I’m making him angrier by obviously waiting for him to say yes, because that’s what we both know he’s going to say.

“What? What do you think?” he finally spits out, and oh, what fire, Taekwoon.

“I think it’s just your ego,” I lean back onto the wall behind me like what I’m saying is the most obvious self-evident truth. I can’t tell whether the wall is cold or not, of course, though by the grey jacket I’ve seen Taekwoon take out and put on about twenty minutes into our sessions the cell must be chilly. “The collective human ego. You can’t stand the fact that you’re not the apex predators anymore once vampire numbers got high enough to be a real threat. You talk about the _natural_ world and the _natural_ order of things, and-” I laugh, “now the supernatural _is_ part of your world. Now that you’re the prey, you can’t stand that.”

“It’s normal to fight back against something that’s trying to destroy you,” Taekwoon takes a breath and states more calmly. He’s trying to get himself back under control. I think my laughing unnerves him, or he’s aware I’m trying to get him to lose his temper. If it’s the latter, I’m impressed.

“Destroy you?” I pretend to be surprised. “We don’t want to destroy you. You’re our only source of food.”

For a moment I think he’s going to get up and try to hit me. I honestly do – my flippant tone is pushing hard at his limits and he’s already upset. He’s staring at me like he wishes he had a stake in his hands and I think – I don’t know. It makes me feel incredibly alone, which is a ridiculous thing to be feeling when someone’s looking at you with murder in their eyes. I wish Hakyeon were here.

The silence is very awkward. I start to wish I hadn’t said anything; it’s amusing trying to rile him up but I don’t like this blatant hatred I can feel.

“You won’t win,” I say softly after a while. I’m not trying to one-up him or make him more annoyed with me – it’s something I’ve been thinking about for some time. “It takes too long to hunt us down one by one and every night new vampires are being made. We wised up long ago – no more covens, no more nests – no easy way to eliminate many of us at one shot. We stick together in twos and threes now at most and we keep moving. And-”

I stop. I can’t believe what I was about to tell him.

“And what?” Taekwoon demands. “And _what?_ ”

“And your hunters are too weak,” I think quickly, and lie. “You’re no match for us. Maybe the baby vamps, sure, but we don’t let them go out hunting. Only the old ones do, and we’re too strong and fast for your hunters even with all their weapons. You know that line from Buffy? _‘All we need is for one of us, just one, sooner or later, to have the thing we’re all waiting for_ ’?”

He doesn’t want to admit he knows the line I mean, but he recognised my first Buffy reference and I know he knows this one if he’s a vampirologist worth his salt.

He doesn’t bite, though. He just sits there glaring at me with that _look_ on his face.

“ _One good day_ ,” I murmur. “That’s all we need. Just one good day, and your hunters are toast. But they have to keep killing us, hundreds and hundreds of us.”

Conversation is a little bit difficult after that. I suppose I do feel sorry for him – I don’t know what’s in his history, if he’s ever lost anyone he loved to a vampire. But what am I supposed to do? It’s not like it’s _personal_. It’s never personal. But then – I think of how humans have killed off anything that has been a threat to them in the past and this situation really isn’t all that different. We’re a danger to them, and so they’re trying to get rid of us all. I can understand and accept that. I think what they can’t understand and accept, though, is that we’re reacting to them in exactly the same way.

“You owe me a question,” I finally say more to break the ice than anything, wondering why he hasn’t up and left yet. He’s just been sitting there _looking_ at me. Am I that fascinating??

“What is it?” he answers, voice completely calm now.

“What are they putting in the blood they give me?”

Taekwoon makes a face – he doesn’t want to or isn’t allowed to tell me, and I think I’ve made things hard enough for him so far today.

“Fine. I’ll guess, and you just tell me if I’m right. Technically then you’re off the hook.”

Taekwoon shrugs.

“Holy water.” It’s the only thing it could possibly be.

He nods.

*

Where do I even start?

I know I can’t expect sympathy from a demon – why did I even think he would talk in any other way about how he and his kind prey on us? And the way he spoke about it, so matter of fact!

I can still hear him saying ‘you’re our only source of food’. I can’t stop thinking about it. Over and over it’s just playing in my head.

Before this I found myself calculating in my head how much he would have eaten normally – they’re giving him less than a litre a day, which is about a fifth of what’s in an average human. If that’s enough to keep him alive that means he can survive on eating every other four or five days or so, but he would have to completely drain someone. He’s been dead for a hundred and fifty-seven years, which is fifty-seven thousand, three hundred and five days. If he ate every four days, that’s fourteen thousand, three hundred and twenty-six people he’s killed.

Fourteen _thousand_ people. People who had families, people who didn’t deserve to suddenly disappear in the night.

I don’t know if I can do this. I talk to him and if I’m not paying attention to the words it feels like I’m talking to any other person, minus the surroundings – he smiles and laughs easily and has the most human mannerisms; he makes little sounds when he’s confused or thinking and is playful in the way he talks – sometimes aegyo creeps in the way he forms his words and that is mindblowing. He’s learnt current human speech – he’s watched television shows well enough to commit lines to memory –

I sound like a broken record. I keep coming back to how little he seems like what he really is. But he says the most cruel things so glibly, too. I know he was implying humans just need to learn to accept our fate.

If we met outside would he have killed me too?

*

I’m not in the mood for it today at all, as much as I’ve come to look forward to our little talks. He slips in together with the guard before the guard has chained me to the wall – I hear two sets of beating hearts from where I’m lying down in my bed, trying to breathe the pain away just to distract myself with something to do, so when the guard yanks me up by the stump of my wrist he sees me scream.

The idiot realises too late there’s nothing to handcuff me by, given I have no more left hand, and he drags me further down the bed so that he can handcuff the other one. The pain is so blinding I don’t even realise he’s done it until I try to move to balance myself and I realise I can’t.

I won’t cry. I won’t give them the satisfaction.

The guard leaves, and Taekwoon’s heart sounds louder than usual today, pushing relentlessly into my consciousness. I slowly open my eyes and I realise it’s because he’s standing right next to my cot, staring down at me with huge eyes.

I want to kick him. What will happen if I do?

“You’re breathing,” he says, and _of all things to focus on –_

“Give the man a prize,” I snap, trying to cradle my left arm to my chest and desperately willing the healing to speed up. _Please._

“What did they do to you?”

I growl in frustration, and that gives him pause. His heart grows sliiiiightly less loud – he’s moved back a few paces. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“But – I mean, why?”

“You don’t know?”

“No, this is – I don’t know about the experiments.”

He’s flustered, that much is obvious. And shocked, too. Did he think everything that’s going on in the labs was sunshine and daisies?

“Healing and regeneration. The witch – bloody traitor – stands over me once they cut me open or remove veins or, in this lovely instance, an entire hand – and starts chanting her mumbo jumbo. It’s obvious what they’re trying to do.” I deliver this whole speech with gritted teeth.

“But – but humans can’t use magic-”

I close my eyes and ignore him. I clearly said ‘witch’, didn’t I?

“Even if they find out how to replicate your magic humans can’t use it for healing, that makes no sense-”

“They’re not trying to replicate it,” I bite out. “They’re trying to block it.”

Taekwoon takes a breath of realisation, and steps closer. Thudthud, thudthud, thudthud, thudthud goes his heart.

“That still wouldn’t kill a vampire. Just stopping it from healing itself wouldn’t be fatal.”

I have no idea why Jung Taekwoon is suddenly the biggest chatterbox in the universe, or why he thinks I’m in a position to talk right now. The holy water in the blood I had – now that I know for sure it is what I suspected – is slowing down the healing. I shouldn’t still be in this much pain.

Thudthud, thudthud, thudthud, thudthud. He needs to move away from me.

“Go back to your chair,” I say, trying to keep my voice neutral. “Aren’t you afraid of the big bad wolf?”

“Not right now, no,” he murmurs, and the bastard is closer than ever. Just a few drinks of his blood would help so much – real blood instead of the doctored shit I’ve been drinking for two weeks now – just a few mouthfuls would take the pain away instantly, but somehow I doubt he’s going to be forthcoming in that respect.

“Please,” I find myself whispering, and it takes a second for him to start to retreat.

The pain mostly clouds out his heart from where he’s sitting, and I don’t know if I should feel thankful or not.

“You mentioned.. cutting you? Taking out a vein?”

Oh my god, he’s still talking.

“So if that heals – what else can your body do?”

“Blow your mind,” I say, eyes still closed, because I can’t help it. I really am the worst.

Honestly – he’s too easy. I’m not even smirking at him or whatever – I am pale as a corpse (hurhur) lying in bed metaphorically dying from pain from my cut-off hand, not even looking in his direction, not even looking in any way good, but one weak innuendo and his heart speeds up. _Amazing._

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“W-What?”

Oh, Jung Taekwoon.

“I’m joking, you virgin. Can’t you tell?”

“I’m not a-” he begins, then almost audibly snaps his mouth shut. “I’m not going to take this from you.”

“Then _give_ it to me,” I put a little moan into my voice, bucking my hips slightly only to severely regret it because it jostles my arm and sends lightning strikes of pain up from the wrist stump. The lengths I’d go just to get a rise out of this man for my own amusement.

His sharp breath in is obvious. I think I better cool it before I really get staked.

“Sorry,” I say, not sorry in the least. “What were you saying?”

He doesn’t answer for a few beats, as if he himself can’t remember what he’d been asking. I smother a grin. I should have looked at him to see his face.

“I wanted to know what else your – what other supernatural abilities your body has,” he rephrases carefully.

“You know all that already,” I reply, feeling the pain ebb slightly. Either that or I’m going to pass out soon. “Faster, stronger. Better reflexes, better senses. Accelerated and perfect healing.”

“Do you need to sleep during the day?”

“Not as much as I used to.”

“Newly-turned vampires need to sleep more? Why?”

“I hope you realise how many questions you’re going to owe me after all this.”

“No problem.”

I crack open one eye and turn my head to him at his cocky tone. Well, then.

“We become more immune to the sun as we grow older. The pull it has on us is less.”

“So you could go out into the sun now?” he asks, narrowing his eyes. “Is that what you mean? Apart from not having to sleep as much?”

“Of course not,” I scoff. “That’s still death.”

“So not at all, then?”

“On a cloudy day, maybe. Covered up as much as possible.”

“Have you tried it?”

Ah.

I really hadn’t wanted to revisit these memories; not in this place. Thinking about Jaehwan always should be done on a good day and when I’m happy. It hurts too much otherwise.

Yes, I’ve tried it. He covered me up with one of his maid’s skirts and we’d run in the rain through one of the gardens. It was a ridiculous thing to do – unseemly, I know Hakyeon would have said. But he wanted to run in the rain and he wanted to do it with me and I’d never said no to him, ever. Even the one time I should have.

“Sanghyuk?”

Taekwoon’s voice is interesting. It’s higher than you expect, and most of the time softer, too. But he can be loud when he wants. It’s easy to listen to him. His words are clear and he takes time to think about them before he says them.

I blink at him. He’s waiting for me to answer, and my silence is a dead giveaway.

Well, why not tell him? Jaehwan’s never coming back to me, anyway.

*

“This should be interesting,” Hakyeon murmurs to Sanghyuk as they watch the peasants gather to bluster about rioting again after yet one more inhumane law is passed – tithes now to be raised for the sixth time in as many months, barely weeks after some other tax was raised. There’s always rich pickings during a riot.

“What’s going on?” Sanghyuk asks, knowing Hakyeon will know. Sanghyuk is still kept largely away from humans unless following Hakyeon hunting, which Sanghyuk feels is rather silly. He’s the one out of the two of them who’s most recently _been_ human, after all - it’s not like it’d be hard for him to blend in. However, Hakyeon says it’s to keep him safe; once he’s older and stronger and not so susceptible to sunlight Hakyeon promises to bring him out more. Sanghyuk feels sometimes like he’s some kind of fruit that’s taking a very, very long time to ripen.

So he relishes nights like tonight when Hakyeon allows him to come along not just to hunt but to walk the streets together and see what the humans are up to. There’s been a lot of trouble lately – not that Sanghyuk is complaining. He likes a bit of action.

“The royal family, to put it simply, is fucked,” Hakyeon tells him, and Sanghyuk hides a smile. He likes it when Hakyeon curses, because on the outside Hakyeon looks the very picture of elegance. “The king has no real power and there’s corruption everywhere. Hence the taking from the poor and giving to the rich,” Hakyeon sweeps a hand before him, the shouts of the peasants still ringing in the background as they walk away into the seedier parts of town.

“I like Hanyang better than Hanbat,” Sanghyuk says decisively, and Hakyeon laughs.

“Of course you do. There’s nothing in Hanbat.”

“So are we?”

“Are we what?” Hakyeon feigns ignorance.

“Hyungnim!”

“Right, right,” Hakyeon grins. “This way.”

Sanghyuk nearly stumbles vaulting over the palace wall in his barely-contained excitement, and when they finally skirt around the vast perimeter away from the kitchens and officials’ quarters around to the front – moving fast, being as silent as they can – Sanghyuk’s jaw drops even more once he sees Changdeok Palace from the inside of the impressive main gates. There are lamps lit softly all along the pathways and to illuminate each building – there must be hundreds of them. Soaring roofs and wide open courtyards give a suffocating impression of space.

“Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon calls quietly, and when Sanghyuk looks back at him he’s looking up at the gates. Sanghyuk looks up as well and notices the heads on spikes all along one battlement.

“Christians,” Hakyeon says. “They sure are persistent.”

“And humans say we’re terrible,” Sanghyuk quips, earning him an unreadable look from Hakyeon.

They roam carefully around the grounds – it’s not exactly quiet, but there isn’t much entertaining being done and given how things are these days most of the lower noblemen and lesser royal members know well how they should keep a low profile. There’s mostly servants and eunuchs moving between the buildings, and they’re easy enough to avoid.

Sanghyuk wants to go into the throne room, sit in the king’s chair – walk the hardwood floor where the officials sit – steal a maid or two. Steal a princeling or two, come to think of it – why aim low? The palace is crawling with concubines, from what Hakyeon has heard, and the puppet king has nothing better to do than beget offspring that will never see the throne.

Hakyeon smiles indulgently at him, and Sanghyuk brightens – he darts off, grabbing his chance at feeding independently before Hakyeon changes his mind. He’s sure he’s good enough at glamouring humans – and he’s not stupid, he’s not going to make a mess. He’ll make Hakyeon proud.

Where to start?

He can’t very well barge into just any of the rooms – there are servants waiting in the corridors, guards patrolling the perimeter; and not to mention he doesn’t want to end up coming upon an old distasteful official when he’s looking for something young and sweet to the taste. Hakyeon prefers older people’s blood which is just beyond Sanghyuk’s understanding – Hakyeon says they taste ‘rounder’, whatever that means.

Sanghyuk hides himself in a shadow cast by a pillar and stops to listen. Hakyeon has been teaching him how to focus – to push away all the unnecessary noise and zoom in on whatever he’s searching for, and how to do the same with smells. Sanghyuk sometimes feels like a dog, sniffing the air, but the ability to hone his senses like this still amazes him after all this time. Now that he knows what it’s like to be a human with such dull senses he half-pities them. He pities what he used to be.

Ink, rose water, and – singing.

It’s a low, soft song, almost hummed in parts, but the voice is magnetic. It’s a man – a boy? Close to Sangyhuk’s age or maybe only a few years older – and he’s singing while doing something with ink. A scholar, perhaps, writing or painting.

Sanghyuk follows his ears and his nose, and when he fetches up against the building where the singer is ensconced he takes a good hard look at it. The distinct emblems of the royal family are emblazoned in the roof tiles though the building itself is tucked much farther away than one would expect the living quarters of royal relatives to be – curious.

The maids waiting in the corridor are easily glamoured and sent away to wait elsewhere. They will not hear or see anything, and Sanghyuk resists for a moment the urge to taste them. He should do this properly or not at all; the thought of Hakyeon’s displeasure is too much to take.

Quietly, gently, he opens the outer door to the rooms where the singer is still singing – a low folk song that Sanghyuk has never heard before, made unbearably pretty by the man’s musical voice. Sanghyuk slides open the bedroom door, and –

*

I blink in surprise.

Sanghyuk’s staring off into space, unmistakeable frown on his face. He suddenly cut himself off, like he can’t bear to go on or the memory is too unpleasant to recall. I’m not sure if I should say something, or just wait, but this is so – this is so compelling. What could it be?

“Have you ever been in love?”

The question is so abrupt for a moment I don’t even register it, but he’s looking straight at me with a focus that’s very different from when he’s making fun of me.

“What does this have to do with-”

“I told you you owed me questions. Time to answer.”

I agreed to play the game – how could I not? The way he’s looking at me right now I couldn’t lie to him if I tried.

“No, I haven’t.”

“Really? At your age?”

“I don’t think age is what determines these things,” I say evenly, trying not to let him make me think of my string of exes.  

“Hmm,” is his only reply. He looks like he is in less pain now from his hand – wrist – maybe telling the story distracted him. “You’ve never even come close?”

“I suppose,” I shrug. “But almost coming close isn’t the same thing, is it?”

“I don’t recommend it,” he says, and then belatedly makes a wry face at me as if to take the edge off how serious it sounds.

“So you have been in love?” I ask, and I try to make my voice gentle. Hell, I don’t know why.

“When I opened the door he was lying down naked, lazily painting cherry blossoms down his bedmate’s back in beautiful strokes of his brush – black and red ink on smooth skin, and he was singing this sad song as he painted. He looked up at me and stopped singing – the other boy wasn’t as cool about it. I can’t remember if I glamoured him to make him leave or he got frightened and left on his own.

But _he_ wasn’t scared of me,” Sanghyuk says, shrugging helplessly like he doesn’t understand it, still can’t understand it after all these years. He’s ignored my question.

“He asked me my name. He asked if I was going to kill him – and this before he even realised what I was. Apparently life was as precarious within the palace for the king’s sons as it was outside for peasants in the streets. I-”

Sanghyuk stops again, and I’ve never seen him like this, like he’s struggling for words.

“He had these – brown eyes that the candle flames darkened. He touched my hands – his own fingers were smudged with ink – and he didn’t even flinch. Oh, it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”

Sanghyuk looks like he’s a breath away from burying his face in his hands in despair, and this unfettered show of emotion makes my heart wrench.

“What did you do?” I whisper.

It takes him a while to answer me like he’s trying his best to line up the correct words before saying them, but then looks up at me with helpless eyes.

“Kiss him,” he says, and the laugh he gives is one of the most painful things I’ve heard come from his mouth. “I should have known.”

“Should have known what?”

“To stay far away from humans who want to die.”

*


	3. Chapter 3

They both turn to face Sanghyuk as he steps into the room, and the expressions on their faces can’t be more different – the one being painted gasps and rolls over, grabbing at his clothes on the floor to hold them before him. The action smudges the beautiful flowers on his back – Sanghyuk feels a little pang at that.

The other one – he steadily puts down the brush in its holder and doesn’t take his eyes off Sanghyuk.

“Let me get dressed,” is the first thing he says, and Sanghyuk doesn’t even register the other boy hesitantly getting up and making his escape around Sanghyuk, darting outside still unclothed as if his only priority is just to get away. He wonders if he should stop the boy, but – too late.

“Why?” Sanghyuk asks slowly, deciding to play along. It’s a strange request, to be sure – and he’s never been recognised for what he is so quickly before by any other human, not from this distance and definitely not in low candlelight; it masks the unnatural paleness of his skin.

“So that in the morning when they come to take my body away at least it’ll be dignified,” he frowns at Sanghyuk, already reaching for his pants.

“Is my mother-” he stops. “Is she still alive?”

Sanghyuk is lost, honestly, but damned if he will show it. “Yes,” he guesses.

“So it’s just me? Who sent you? At least tell me that.”

Sanghyuk stares at him, and then slides closed the door behind him. “Who do you think sent me?”

“The Queen. Am I right?”

 _What on earth is going on?_ “Sent me to do what?”

Now it’s the man’s turn to stop and look confused. “You’re here to kill me,” he states, now uncertain. “Aren’t you?”

Sanghyuk bites his lip. “Why would the Queen send me to do that?”

They stare at each other.

“Who are you?” The man asks, manner shifting as he puts his hands on his hips. “What did you do to my maids outside?”

“I didn’t hurt them,” Sanghyuk says truthfully. “Who are _you?_ ”

“What?” the man asks incredulously, sitting back down in bed and reaching for a cord to tie back his hair. It’s thick and looks soft, and Sanghyuk wants to touch it, so he does.

The man grabs his wrist in indignation before Sanghyuk’s hand can reach, however. “Excuse me? I don’t know what wrong turn you took to end up here, peasant, but I am still one of the king’s sons and you will _not_ touch me as you like!”

Sanghyuk raises both eyebrows. Well, he was looking for a princeling, and he certainly found one.

The man glares at him for one more beat – two – and then slowly turns his gaze to Sanghyuk’s wrist gripped in his hand, moving in slow motion.

There’s no pulse, and the skin is icy to the touch.

He looks up at Sanghyuk, and Sanghyuk waits. If the man screams he will have to kill him quickly, spoiling his meal.

The man lets go of Sanghyuk, lowering his hand but not lowering his gaze. “I see. You _are_ here to kill me, after all.”

“But the Queen hasn’t sent me,” Sanghyuk tells him, and the prince’s mouth quirks in a quickly-suppressed smile that captivates Sanghyuk. Finding humour in this situation?

“No, I suppose not,” he sighs, a touch dramatically. “Maybe this is a better way to go. Robs them of the satisfaction.”

“Alright,” Sanghyuk gives in, sitting down heavily on the bed too. “I can’t stand it anymore. What is going on?”

*

“That doesn’t sound like a very romantic first meeting,” I say in the silence that follows, and he laughs – how his face transforms when he laughs.

“No, it wasn’t,” he shakes his head, still smiling though it is a touch sad at the edges.

I’m absolutely floored, to say the least.

He’s openly telling me – if I can trust him – that _after_ he was turned he fell in love with this prince; not a very high-ranking prince from the sounds of it and I’m itching to get to my laptop so I can try to find out just which concubine’s son this was, but that’s not as important right now. He fell in _love_. Vampires can _love?_

It sounds like it ended badly – that much is obvious – and I’m just reeling from the series of emotions I’ve seen him display in the past half-hour. Annoyance, grief, confusion, frustration – maybe he learnt to mimic them in order to be a better predator. Maybe it was left over from being human – but the demon takes your soul! All empathy, all ability to feel for anything living should be gone! Much less fall in love with a human – they _can_ care and form attachments. This is the key, isn’t it? All the regeneration and healing experiments are useless, this is the key!

“Penny for your thoughts. Or at least close your mouth, it’s hanging open,” he says, cutting into my excited mess of thoughts. I have to stop and take a breath.

“Why didn’t you kill him there and then? You were there to feed, after all.”

Sanghyuk tries to gesture with his handless arm and then immediately winces, putting it down gingerly. “I was curious, dammit. Here he was going on about me being there to kill him and then about murderous Queens, and ‘dying with dignity’ and not even being scared when he realised what I was. He acted like people came through his door every night trying to off him and I wanted to know why. Wouldn’t you do the same instead of just eating him?”

“Maybe, if he were hot,” I joke thoughtlessly, and at the searching look on Sanghyuk’s face I start cursing myself internally so intensely I totally forget about trying to stay cool and pretend I didn’t just give a big part of myself away.

I don’t want Sanghyuk to know me the way I’m trying to know him. That can only be a mistake.

“Well, well,” he says, and I scowl so fiercely at him it’s to his credit that he doesn’t pursue the matter, but I’m sure this is going to come back to get me sooner or later.

“He _was_ hot,” is what he says when he finally speaks, and it’s with surprisingly zero mocking at my expense. “Beautiful, actually. Maybe you’re right; that’s why I didn’t do it.”

“What did he look like?”

“Tall, but shorter than me. Really nice, soft thick hair. Kind of bony, but nice shoulders. He had-” Sanghyuk stops and smiles minutely like he’s remembering something, “-one of those faces that aren’t exactly handsome? But when he smiles he’s the most beautiful thing.”

He starts talking more animatedly, telling me about this person’s smile and laugh, and I cannot reconcile this Sanghyuk to the one who was talking about killing humans as a natural part of life. I don’t know why, but it hurts.

“What was his name?” I cut him off, and I see the light die in his eyes somewhat.

“If I tell you his name will you stop asking me about him?” Sanghyuk replies, and I frown. This push and pull – finding it hard to talk about this man but also clearly wanting so badly to talk about him – what am I supposed to say?

“I will, if you want me to stop,” I say cautiously. “But if you want to tell me about him I’m happy to listen.”

He gives me a look then, and I feel it too: the re-centreing of the world around us. We’re not old friends in a café, meeting to catch up on each other’s lives. We’re not teenagers gossiping about crushes and boyfriends. We’re not anything. Suddenly I feel tired at this pretense, and I know he feels it too – the whole game of a question for a question, and the confusion of trying to constantly remember we are both threats to each other –

But what else can we do? I don’t like knowing that he could just as easily fall in love with me as kill me without a moment’s thought. It’s too human. _He’s_ too human.

Sanghyuk clears his throat and tries for a light tone. “Jaehwan,” he says, nodding at the floor. “That was his name. He was never in line to legitimately take his father’s name, but he would have been Yi Jaehwan if he had. I never asked his mother’s name, sorry.”

With a jolt I realise he knows I’m going to look Jaehwan up, and that knowing his mother’s name would have been a big help in searching the archives – I don’t know what to feel about this, that Sanghyuk is fine with, or even wants me to find out these things about his life. Suddenly I feel less like I’m writing a mere report to help with the experiments and more like a biographer; precious information in my hands.

I still can’t look properly at the stump of his left arm. It’s horrible.

“Sanghyuk?” I venture, and he blinks at me. He tends to do that a lot – I don’t know if he realises he’s doing it. It’s endearing, and I wish I didn’t feel like that. I wish I could clearly separate my horror at anybody being deliberately cut up and hurt from the sympathy I feel looking at him cradling his arm; I wish I could cement in my brain the knowledge that he’s basically the equivalent of a human serial killer. Human and capable of love and emotion and sympathy but still at the heart of it all dangerous and a murderer. Worthy of fear, and disgust, and contempt.

I can’t summon any of those feelings right now, not when he still looks like he’s desperately holding himself together. It’s the most helpless feeling in the world.

“Why did you fall in love with him?”

*

The light is always on in here – it doesn’t hurt me, but it’s strangely difficult to sleep when it’s bright. You become nocturnal when you’re a vampire but you still require darkness to sleep – just one of life’s ironies, I guess.

My wrist doesn’t hurt as horribly anymore. It’s more of a dull throbbing now, so I hope I can fall asleep. I can’t see it but I can still feel the sun rising and setting, like a pull behind my eyes; I really need to rest. Taekwoon visits me after noon, after they give me my blood. If only he could come when it’s _my_ daytime, the asshole.

I shouldn’t have told him so much about Jaehwan. Why did I do that?? He would never have known otherwise. _Stupid._ The less I think about him the better; as if this is a new lesson I need to relearn all over again. The problem with being immortal is that you _literally_ have the rest of eternity to mull over bad decisions and heartbreaks.

I have never missed Hakyeon so desperately before even when he let me go travel on my own without him those six years. I feel weak and alone and too young to do anything right now, and I’m afraid despite all my bravado and teasing of Taekwoon. These humans have taken me to pieces. They’ve defanged me, taken away my glamour, hurt me, kept me captive, forced me to drink poisoned blood, and if the injury isn’t bad enough the insult is making me recount my life like I’m counting down to my death. Which I am, of course.

All the same I find myself spilling my life for Taekwoon in a ridiculous attempt to connect to someone – I don’t want to be by myself, especially if I’m going to die at the end of all of this. If only Hakyeon were here.

But no. Hakyeon is still free and he’s going to live for a much longer time than I will. I can _hear_ him gloating telling me how I never listen to him and I’m in this situation now because I don’t want to acknowledge he always speaks sense – at least this makes me smile. This pity party for one is getting old. I’ve lived long enough.

I think of Hakyeon and where he must be right now and I’m so glad I caught myself before I told Taekwoon why vampires have an edge over the human hunters. It’s really not so much because we’re stronger – look at where I am now. Strength and speed aren’t failsafe guarantees, and not for the first time I wonder if I’m the only vampire in this place. Who else has been as unfortunate or as careless as I was?

Anyway.

Hakyeon told me vampires realised that cooperation and not competition was the way to go – instead of leaving behind a body trail what made the most sense was – can you guess?

Blood is a renewable resource, after all. Humans donate it all the time and then just make more to replace what they’ve given. It’s very logical when you think about it, and you’d be just amazed how many humans are willing to enter into a contract like this.

You see, it’s win-win – a human that’s been marked by one will be safe from every other vampire out there. I suppose humans may not like to think of themselves as territory, but that’s how it is, and it means they’re safe for life. Pretty good deal, if you ask me.

Hakyeon currently has four of these humans – obviously you can’t just have one. Taking more than a litre of blood at a time weakens them too much, and we need about one and a half per day. The demon inside is very demanding.

They’re giving me just the minimum here. I hate everything.

And then of course there’s the underground blood banks – our humans can’t replenish blood that quickly, so we developed the idea of restaurants. Humans will sell anything for the right price.

I kind of miss my humans. Right now they’re a girl called Namjoo and a boy called Sungjae – I haven’t fed on a stranger in years. Apparently I’m too young to have more than two – vampire hierarchy can be very annoying sometimes but Hakyeon tells me I have to follow it. Order and discipline is what’s kept vampires alive.

I honestly wonder how much Taekwoon knows? Or what the government knows and isn’t telling anybody? I badly want to tell him just to see him flip out but I need to keep quiet about this as long as Hakyeon is out there. I can’t do anything that might somehow lead to them finding him too.

I wonder if in another life Taekwoon would agree to be my human.

I’ve steered very far away from my original point – what was I saying? Right – Hakyeon’s probably at one of his humans’ homes now. He’s always been social.

I wonder if he misses me, if he’s worried for me. What he’s been doing trying to find me.

*

Jaehwan puts out a hand and touches Sanghyuk’s face, tentatively at first, gauging permission; and then with wonder. He holds a finger under Sanghyuk’s nose to feel non-existent breath, and lightly brushes his lips.

“You’re so cold,” he marvels. “Like how your skin feels when you’ve been outside on a really snowy winter’s day.”

He takes Sanghyuk’s hand and presses it to his own cheek, gasping at the sensation. “So cold! You’d be so good during the summer.”

“Good as what?” Sanghyuk scoffs slightly, watching Jaehwan examine his hands, the heat of Jaehwan’s own skin seeping into his. “A personal block of ice?”

Jaehwan flashes a smile up at him and carries on his exploration, bold now, raising Sanghyuk’s hand to his mouth. Sanghyuk raises an eyebrow – and then Jaehwan bites him.

“Ow!”

The bite doesn’t raise any blood – Sanghyuk hasn’t fed in days – but the skin on the back of his hand is definitely broken, and Jaehwan watches rapturously as the tiny wound heals itself before his very eyes.

“I heard your kind could heal by magic, but I never thought I’d see it,” he breathes, “That’s a miracle.”

“Do not do that again,” Sanghyuk says grumpily, rubbing his hand.

“I’m a prince and I will do what I want,” Jaehwan replies archly, playfully, and Sanghyuk realises with a sort of terrified detachment that he doesn’t want to leave. He hasn’t fed and he’s going to be late going back to Hakyeon but he doesn’t want to leave. At the very least Hakyeon will not begrudge his lateness once he hears the story Jaehwan has told Sanghyuk about the royal court – full of exciting betrayal and drama.

“Bite me again and I will bite you back,” Sanghyuk mock-threatens in return, and he’s not prepared for the way Jaehwan’s gaze snaps to his sharply.

“If you bit me-” he starts, eyes flicking down to Sanghyuk’s mouth. “Would it kill me?”

“No,” Sanghyuk answers, transfixed by the excited blush rising on Jaehwan’s cheeks. “I would only take a little.” He ignores the yearning of the demon for a full offering of blood, hoping Jaehwan means what it sounds like he’s saying. Sanghyuk badly wants a taste.

“Just a little,” Jaehwan repeats, and slowly raises a hand to loosen the neck of his robe. “Will you stop when I tell you to?”

“Yes,” Sanghyuk whispers, Jaehwan’s heart already filling his head. Jaehwan’s skin is perfect, unmarred – Sanghyuk thinks of the sight of his body when Sanghyuk had just entered his room, and when he puts his hands on Jaehwan’s shoulders and slides the robe off them he finds that his skin is just as smooth as it looks.

It’s earth-shattering, the heartbeats in his ears and the chaos he can feel in his chest, and Sanghyuk wonders if this is what it feels like to live and die at once when he lowers his mouth to Jaehwan’s neck and smells the rosewater scenting his skin. He’s never fed off someone not glamoured before, and Jaehwan is trembling; Sanghyuk takes Jaehwan closer in his arms and hopes he isn’t trembling either.

“This will hurt,” he mumbles against Jaehwan’s skin, and Jaehwan’s fingers dig into his back.

It does hurt. Jaehwan hisses in pain as Sanghyuk’s fangs sink into his jugular and his fingernails bite harshly into the skin of Sanghyuk’s back through his clothes, Sanghyuk pressing as close as he can not to waste a single drop of royal blood. It’s so unbearably intimate in such a new way, Jaehwan almost in Sanghyuk’s lap as they hold each other while Sanghyuk drinks that Sanghyuk knows – _knows,_ goddammit _–_ that he needs to stop this and leave, right now. Humans aren’t supposed to ask to be bitten. Feeding isn’t supposed to be – like _this_ –

Sanghyuk forces himself to pull back, Jaehwan’s blood singing in his dead veins. He can’t stop himself; he licks over the twin wounds, and Jaehwan’s answering shiver is like the last turn of the key in the lock.

“You need – a bandage-” he tries to say, tries to clear his mind of the whirlwind, but when he lifts his face to Jaehwan’s and sees how the candlelight darkens his eyes so that the shaken look on Jaehwan’s face perfectly mirrors his own he stops thinking.

The kiss is devastating. Jaehwan is panting, gasping into Sanghyuk’s mouth and the quick rise and fall of his back under Sanghyuk’s hands makes Sanghyuk feel like he isn’t standing on stable ground.

Hakyeon would tell him in no uncertain terms to run. He doesn’t. Hakyeon –

“Wait,” Hakyeon’s voice says. “Wait, Sanghyuk. Wait for me.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes fly open, and he cringes because of the ever-present light. He sits up with one hand pressed to his mouth, Jaehwan’s smell and taste and feel of his body still so fresh and vivid in his mind in the exact memory of that fateful day that Sanghyuk almost doesn’t know for a moment where he is. He lets out a dry sob, trying to push the dream away and lock Jaehwan back into the recesses of his mind where he should stay. It isn’t the first time he’s dreamt of Jaehwan, not by a long shot, but it hasn’t happened for a long while and it feels like that’s why the damage is greater.

But – _Hakyeon._

Sanghyuk stares unseeing at the opposite wall, Hakyeon’s voice at the end of the dream slamming into him so strong and present in his mind that the shock of it does indeed send the ghost of Jaehwan away like an icy sea wind.

_“Wait,” Hakyeon’s voice says. “Wait, Sanghyuk. Wait for me.”_

Hakyeon is nearby – and he’s coming for him –

Sanghyuk’s whole body sags in relief, and this time he doesn’t try to stop the tears that come.

*


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Taekwoon comes to see me the next day I’ve convinced myself it was all really just a dream. I’ve been scared and missing Hakyeon so much that my mind made the whole thing up and inserted it into the dream about Jaehwan, when my subsconscious must have been extra vulnerable or whatever. I really don’t know if it makes me feel better or worse.

I know the bond between maker and child is very strong – of course I know. But I don’t think it’s so strong that he can talk to me in my dreams.

Once I woke I spent the whole day – Taekwoon’s night – alone, doing nothing, once again. Then the doctors came to see me for the first time instead of me being brought to them – they checked my hand and gave me a new bandage and left. Then the poisoned blood. Then –

It’s pathetic how much I look forward to his visits, and I think it must show on my face because he outright blanches. It’s pathetic – I’m pathetic, and I’m going slowly crazy here. Do you have any idea what it’s like being caged and not given anything to do? I’M! GOING! TO! BREAK! SOMETHING! …AGAIN!

I look away from him. The bastard. How can I still be just an animal to him?

He steps to the door and knocks for the guard’s attention and I turn back to him in disbelief. He’s going to leave? Just because I looked a little too excited that he’s here?

“Give me some warm water. And a towel.”

Eh?

He sees my confusion and does that thing where he looks at you before speaking, like he’s lining up his words in the correct order before he says them. It’s a curious habit. Did he used to have trouble speaking, before? A stutter? Or a countryside dialect?

“Your face,” he says, and I’m completely lost.

“What?”

“Blood. On your face. What happened?”

Oh, god. I’d been crying – I thought I’d rubbed my face clean. The doctors that came didn’t say a single thing!

I’m so embarrassed I try to scrub at my face, but trying to use one hand and one bandaged stump isn’t that effective when you don’t know where to start. The guard comes back with a packet of wet tissues instead, for which he gets a Look from Taekwoon.

I don’t realise Taekwoon is going to do it _for_ me until he comes to sit gingerly next to me on the bed – very, very, _very_ nervously; his heart is deafening and frustrating to hear – and he bats my hand and a half away from my face.

“What happened?” he repeats, drawing out a tissue. His hand shakes only a little. “Don’t move.”

I don’t know if I should protest, or what – I don’t know what I should do. This has to mean something, however – he’s actually putting himself within reach of me. I could grab him and hurt him; I can’t bite, but he saw me destroy my cot. I could still really hurt him.

He cleans a spot under my chin and then the creases around my nose, then makes me close my eyes and gently – gently cleans my eyelashes. I almost start to cry again because it reminds me of the first time I’d cried and Hakyeon had to clean my face this way too –

Oh, fuck it all to hell why does everything come back to Jaehwan? I’m like that one super annoying friend who can never get over their ex and is always moaning about them even though it’s been years. It has literally been more than a _hundred_ years.

I sigh, and Taekwoon pauses briefly.

“You’re breathing,” he says, and I remember the last time he said that to me. I suppose it amuses him.

“Just for dramatic effect,” I mutter.

The wet tissues smell like yuzu. I suppose it’s a good thing they don’t smell like rosewater or Taekwoon’s going to have an armful of bawling vampire to deal with. It’s a close enough thing already with him being so gentle and his voice going soft because he’s near me and me probably suffering from shock and trauma from all the utter _bullshit_ that’s happening to me.

He’s done. I open my eyes.

“Why were you crying?”

Oh, so he does know what happened then. “Just the general hopelessness of life,” I say, smiling.

He looks at me – really looks at me for a few moments – and it’s too similar to Jaehwan exploring me that night that I pull my hands back even though he wasn’t reaching for them; to turn them over in his own hands, to look at the veins carrying nothing, to feel how cold the skin is.

He gets up to throw the tissues away – and realises there isn’t a trashcan in here with me. He drops them in a heap next to his chair and then pauses. It’s a tiny pause, but I notice it because I’m watching him. He looks at the chair but he doesn’t sit in it straight away; and then he looks back at me on the bed. I’m still chained up, of course – have been since the doctors were here. He’s looking at where he was sitting earlier.

He sits in his chair. Oh, well.

“I found Jaehwan in the archives,” he begins, and I want to flop down on my bed and go to sleep for a thousand years.

“You’re right, he was the son of a junior concubine. He was never in the running to be king,” Taekwoon continues as I give another dramatic sigh. Sometimes I think I’ve been with Hakyeon for too long.

“Which is why his death doesn’t really make sense to me,” Taekwoon finishes tentatively. There’s the ghost of a question in his tone, and I know if I don’t answer he’ll leave it. I’m not sure how I know, but it seems like a long time since that first day when I refused to answer him anymore and he’d responded with threats. Empty, in the end, but still.

“Why do you need to know?” I ask.

“To form a full picture. So there aren’t any missing pieces.”

“For the report, huh,” I shift on my cot, trying to see if I can lie down somehow; I wasn’t joking about wanting to sleep for a thousand years. I can’t – the chain’s too short.

“I want to know too,” he says quickly. “For myself. I’m curious.”

“Why?” I’m stalling.

He doesn’t answer for a full beat but gives me his Thinking About What To Say face again, and he’s definitely got my attention now.

“I found out-” he stops.

“What?” I demand. He better not decide not to tell me now. I hate it when people do that to me.

“I don’t know if I should tell you this,” he complains. He’s dying to tell me. I can see it. Gossip auntie Taekwoon is taking over his body, and I love it.

“You don’t have a choice. If you stop now I will kill you,” I tell him blankly. He thinks I’m joking. I _will_ actually kill him if he refuses to tell me this or it turns out to be some lame nonsense. “Don’t toy with the emotions of someone who’s been locked up with not even a Sudoku book to entertain himself for nearly three weeks. What did you find out?”

He leans forward. “Do you know you’re not the only one in here?”

I shift closer in a matching gesture, watching him. “I did wonder if I was, yes.”

“I don’t know how many there are altogether. But I do know from another demonologist – my friend – that there’s another two. A pair, caught together.”

“And?” I prompt him impatiently. I can’t stand these types who like to dramatically draw out a story.

“Your experiments centre around healing,” Taekwoon takes a breath and pauses before letting it out. “Theirs centre around emotion.”

“Emotion?” I frown.

“The two of them – they’re together. A couple. The experiments are trying to figure out how come they can feel love for each other.”

Somehow I don’t like the sound of this. “They were together before they were turned? Or only after?”

“After,” Taekwoon replies. “You understand, right? Vampires have no souls. You’re not supposed to be able to care for anything, to want to protect another person. Your bodies are dead, you can’t still be producing the chemical in your brains that mimics the feeling of love. Like you with Jaehwan. It should be impossible.”

I draw back away from him. “We’re not robots,” I say, and it comes out cold. “Even animals can love.”

“All the demon is interested in is feeding,” Taekwoon says earnestly, trying to make me understand what he means. “There’s nothing good left once it takes over a body. It makes no sense to be able to feel for another person true romantic love-”

“Your worst tyrants and criminals have wives and husbands and lovers,” I snap at him. This argument is getting old. “It’s not _either or_. Not only “good people” can love,” I throw exaggeratedly sarcastic finger quotes at him.

“If you can love someone that means you can empathise. If you can empathise it means you can feel sorry for your victims-” he continues doggedly.

“Do you eat meat?” I interrupt, my voice ringing out hard. “Have you seen what goes on in the slaughterhouses? How they kill cows and chickens and pigs?”

“Yes, but-”

“Do you think they deserve to die like that? Throats ripped out, left to bleed slowly to death, _in agony_. Mistreated, raised in terrible conditions. Do you think they deserve that?”

To his credit, he keeps quiet.

“And you’re still not a vegetarian, are you?”

 He looks at me and I glare back at him.

“None of my “victims” have ever suffered. We glamour them before we feed. They feel no pain or fear. And that’s before we stopped killing a human each time we fed.” Ugh I wasn’t going to say anything about that, but I wanted so badly to one-up him – he blinks, alert, and I quickly change the subject.

“Tell me about the other two vampires,” I order and though he wavers for a second, he doesn’t disobey me. Oh, I like the sound of that. _He doesn’t disobey me._

“I wondered why they were doing the kind of experiments on you that they are,” he starts, gaze flicking to my bandaged stump. “To me once you told me about Jaehwan that sort of thing seemed useless. The key to stopping vampires seemed to lie in your capacity for love and empathy.”

I snort. I can’t help it. “Go on,” I say, at his resentful expression.

“The ones doing experiments on the other two seem to think the same way. They’re trying to find out where the source of those feelings are and how come they can coexist with the demon inside you.”

“Yes, and?” I’m getting impatient. He’s not saying anything that I can’t figure out on my own, going round and round the bush like this –

He isn’t looking at me anymore. His eyes are fixed somewhere on his lap and – oh, my god. Is he ashamed of what he’s going to tell me? What could be worse than –

“What are they doing to them?” I ask, and to be honest part of me doesn’t want to know anymore.

“They hurt one of them. While the other one watches. Basically. They switch from one to the other.”

I stare at him, but he never looks back up at me.

“And you call us monsters,” I whisper.

*

“Won’t you get into trouble for not going back?” Jaehwan mumbles into the breathspace between them, Sanghyuk threading fingers through Jaehwan’s long hair as they settle down for sleep. The weak dawn hardly makes a difference even though they can hear the palace waking up around them – today there are thick dark clouds obscuring the sun, and the pull it has on Sanghyuk is greatly lessened. Jaehwan still has trouble adjusting his nights and days to suit Sanghyuk, now that Sanghyuk is spending more and more time away from Hakyeon and their rooms in the daytime – Sanghyuk thinks Hakyeon must know what’s going on because there’s very little Hakyeon doesn’t know – Jaehwan’s eyelids are heavy, already closing. He’s stayed up the entire night for Sanghyuk.

The first roll of thunder breaks out and Jaehwan blinks sleepily. “Sounds like it’s going to be a serious storm.”

“Hakyeon will worry less then that I’m away,” Sanghyuk says, rolling Jaehwan over so that he can hold him, back-to-chest. Jaehwan allows himself to be rolled.

“Why?”

“No strong sunlight that I could get accidentally caught in.”

“You mean this kind of sun is safe?” Jaehwan looks back over his shoulder, suddenly awake.

So Sanghyuk comes to be smuggled outside covered in one of Jaehwan’s poor maid’s skirts – Jaehwan told her to wait inside his rooms so she didn’t have to wait outside in the corridor half-dressed, ignoring Sanghyuk’s protests that nobody even needed to be sacrificing their skirts for this nonsense in the first place – Jaehwan taking no chances with his flammable lover.

The rain is really pelting down now, the cloudy sky still heavy with more unshed rain, and it’s cold as well as dark from the way Jaehwan shivers a little, pressing close to Sanghyuk for warmth Sanghyuk can’t give.

“You’re sure you won’t get hurt?” Jaehwan asks, the both of them standing on the edge of the porch that runs round the whole front of the building. They’re facing a small garden with a pond, nothing fancy for sons of junior concubines; and Jaehwan points to a far tree. “There.”

Sanghyuk doesn’t answer because to be perfectly honest – he doesn’t know what will happen. He’s never tried this before: never saw the need to try it, never was curious about it – but one question from Jaehwan and he’s putting himself at risk of being burnt to death. What if suddenly the clouds parted or it suddenly stopped raining?

Jaehwan holds his hand tightly.

They leap off the porch and run, Sanghyuk holding on to the skirt covering his head and neck for dear life as Jaehwan begins to laugh like a maniac. They’re completely drenched in seconds, the rain coming down almost in sheets rather than individual drops until their hair is plastered to their skulls and their clothes are heavy, clinging to them in wet swathes dripping cold water. They make it to the tree and Jaehwan collides into Sanghyuk, shivering harder now from the cold but still laughing.

Sanghyuk hasn’t seen anything by the light of day for years. Colours are muted and the rain keeps running into his eyes, but –

Jaehwan’s eyes are brown.

Sanghyuk looks down at him, Jaehwan’s arms wound around Sanghyuk’s waist, and feels like the drama of the storm around them befits the earth-shattering realisation of what colour Jaehwan’s eyes really are and how Jaehwan must have been meant to be seen in the light – not in the dark where he stays these days because of Sanghyuk.

Jaehwan’s eyes are brown, the lightest Sanghyuk has ever seen anyone have. What does his hair look like in the sun when its dry and blowing in the breeze? What about his skin? Do his eyes get even lighter when it’s a sunny day?

“What?” Jaehwan asks, grinning up at him. “Are you alright?”

“I love you,” Sanghyuk says for the first time.

“Wait,” Hakyeon’s voice says. “Wait, Sanghyuk. Wait for me. I’m coming.”

Sanghyuk opens his eyes.  

*

I’m going to get into so much trouble for this if I’m found out.

I don’t even know what orders the guards have – it was easy enough to casually ask Sunggyu where the couple are being held but I don’t know if the guard will only let Sunggyu in. I don’t know how much I have to lie or if I have to lie at all – maybe the official pass I have will be all I need. If I get stopped I will have to make up some convincing story on the spot and then start praying.

Sanghyuk is being held on the fourth floor and so are they, but in a different ward. The two wards aren’t connected by a common corridor and you have to take different elevators to access them – they really put thought into how to contain break-outs. How many more wards are there? Are there more vampires being held on the upper floors?

I take a deep breath and approach the guard. I’ve been told I can look pretty intimidating and I’m hoping against hope right now I look intimidating as fuck.

“Hi. I’ve been told to help Mr Kim with a little fact-checking. I know he’s already been in today,” I say, holding up my pass and trying not to look too eager or excited. There’s only one guard but double doors behind him – I thank my lucky stars the other guard must be on a toilet or cigarette break so I only have to deal with one of them, but the guard mistakes my searching look for disapproval and stands up a little straighter. I hope whatever he’s reading my expression to be means that he thinks he needs to get on my good side so I won’t report him or the other guard for slacking off.

“To see which one, sir?”

I blink. “Either one’s fine.”

He turns to the door on his right and unlocks it, stepping back to allow me to enter, and I can hardly believe my dumb luck. I wait for him to go in to chain up the vampire inside but he shakes his head and I have no choice but just to act like I know what I’m doing.

I nod quickly at the guard and step into the cell, but I’m not prepared for what I see.

The door closes behind me but I barely hear it as I’m staring at the boy – vampire – lying on his cot, identical to the one Sanghyuk has. I can see why the guard didn’t bother to chain him and I just – this is wrong.

There’s burn marks around his neck and down the inside of his arms and his hands and fingers are a mess of cuts and missing skin and what I can see of his feet –

I gag, and the sound makes him open his eyes and look at me. He doesn’t even move to get up. He just turns his head to look at me and there’s a detached lack of curiosity there that wrenches the heart in my chest so painfully that it’s hard to breathe.

He doesn’t even say anything. He just looks at me, like nothing I can do to him could be worse than what’s happening already.

“What – what’s your name?” I manage eventually. “Please. Tell me.”

“Why?” he asks, forming the word carefully, and the word comes out sounding strange. I don’t want to know why.

“I – I am recording the history of another vampire here. I found out about you and – I want to tell him about you. And I-”

I can’t even get the words out right, I’m too shaken by how badly injured he is. All of the burns are new and the cuts look half-healed – do they do this to him every day?

“I’m Jung Taekwoon. I – I work here too. I-”

“Lee Hongbin,” he says, turning his head away as if he’s tired of me. There is definitely something wrong with his mouth – his tongue?

I take a deep breath. “And your lover?”

Hongbin is quiet, and I don’t know if he hasn’t heard me or is just done with me already, and if I should just leave before I lose it completely, before –

“Have you seen him?”

“No,” I answer, taking a step towards the cot. “No, I’m sorry, I came to you first. I can – I can go to see him after this-”

“What are they doing to your vampire?”

“My – my vampire,” I’m speechless. “It’s not as bad as – what’s happening to you.” Or is it? Sanghyuk’s lost an entire hand. I have no idea if it will grow back and he hasn’t said a single thing about it – I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment.

“Lucky,” Hongbin’s tone is so flat I can’t tell if he’s being ironic or not.

I have to go. If I stay here any longer I’m going to do something stupid, though I don’t know what.

“If you go to see Wonsik,” Hongbin says as I have my hand on the door – _Wonsik_ – “Bring a stake in with you. Do you understand?”

I look back at him in shock to see his face set brittle and hard, defiant line about his mouth.

“Do you _understand?_ ”

*


	5. Chapter 5

“Sunggyu hyung!” I hurry to get into step with him as he leaves the office to go to the canteen for lunch, completely at a loss as to how I’m going to broach this topic with him – I’ve barely slept a wink. I couldn’t get the sight of Hongbin’s injuries out of my head and how chilling his parting words to me were. There is just something about seeing someone’s body so cut-up and mangled that the flesh starts to look more like meat and less part of a human being that is sickening and horrible to the core – and then I start telling myself he isn’t human and I feel more horrible than ever. I wonder why I haven’t felt the same way about Sanghyuk’s hand and my thoughts skitter away from me like they aren’t my own, and I know it’s because I haven’t been allowing myself to think about it because it’s just too complicated to deal with.

“Sunggyu hyung, wait. I’ve been meaning – to ask you more about the vampires assigned to you, we should compare notes,” my mouth says without engaging my brain, and I’m quite impressed at my own ability to autopilot while feeling so mentally scattered I wouldn’t even think I could string a sentence together.

“Hm?” He slows down for me and then shrugs. “Nothing much more than I haven’t already told you the other day really. Did I tell you their age? They’re both fairly young – not even half a century old yet. The experiments aren’t really getting anywhere with them. I went to go dig out information from Hyesun noona with the medical team assigned to them and the CAT scans show no brain activity which is _extremely surprising_ , isn’t it?” Sunggyu rolls his eyes sarcastically. “Idiots. Of course they wouldn’t, they’re _dead_. It’s all bound up in the demon’s magic, apparently.”

“Hyung, you told me – they hurt them in the experiments,” I say, trying my best to keep my tone light and casual. “What exactly do you mean?”

Sunggyu shrugs again. “Physical stuff. Burns, cuts. Things that will hurt in an obvious manner so that they can try to tease out the other one’s source of emotion seeing all that happen to whoever’s being worked on at the time. To be honest I think they also choose things that are gross to think about, you know? Things that give you the creeps just hearing about it like flaying skin.” Sunggyu mock-shudders, and then breaks into a wide smile as our friend Kiseop hurries past, carrying a stack of files and looking harried.

“Who’d you piss off this time?” Sunggyu calls after him, laughing, and I try my best to smile too before taking Sunggyu’s arm and catching his attention once again, stomach sinking at how talking about it doesn’t seem to phase him at all.

“And you go in to talk to them everyday? While they’re all injured like that? I mean, sometimes my vam – the one assigned to me is in too much pain to talk,” I lie.

“Oh, I get out of them whatever I can. They know I’m not there to chit-chat anyway, I ask questions and they answer. Right? Not any different from what you’re doing, I’m sure.”

“And – and it doesn’t bother you? Seeing them all injured?”

Sunggyu pulls me into the line at the rice bowl stall with him once we pass through the big canteen doors, looking back at me over his shoulder. “I mean, sometimes it’s disgusting to look at, but at least they don’t really bleed like a human would do, you know? So it isn’t messy. It’s just what I have to do, anyway.”

I don’t answer, pretending to study the stall’s menu on display as if I don’t know already by now what’s on offer.

“Aw, you softie,” Sunggyu nudges me with an elbow. “Does seeing your assignment’s wounds make you queasy?”

 _My assignment,_ I think slowly. “No, not queasy. It’s fine.”

“They’re just vampires,” Sunggyu shrugs again before realising it’s his turn and the lady at the cashier is waiting for him to order. “Ah! Can I have one mushroom and pork bowl please?”

They’re just vampires. They’re _just_ vampires. They’re just _vampires_.

*

“It’s not going to end well, what you’re doing,” Hakyeon says quietly from his bed as Sanghyuk busies himself with washing up before getting into bed too. Dawn is just peeking through the clouds – he cut it really close this time, something in his gut telling him he should go home instead of spending the day asleep with Jaehwan like the previous four days.

Sanghyuk stills over the wash basin, allowing his mind to go blank for a moment to avoid the conversation to come – a conversation that’s been coming for weeks now. He should have known Hakyeon’s silence so far did not mean approval.

“I love you, Sanghyuk, you know that,” Hakyeon continues, sounding as reluctant as Sanghyuk feels to talk about this. “I’m not just being overly cautious or cruel. But this – it’s better if you stop it now.”

“What do you know?” Sanghyuk resumes washing his face. He can still smell Jaehwan on him.

“I know that there’s been more deaths around the palace than usual. All soldiers and guards. I know that you spend all day and night with someone who smells like rosewater-”

Sanghyuk’s hand holding the cleaning cloth scrubbing down his chest jerks.

“I know that the palace maids have been talking about one of the minor royal sons taking a new lover, and changing his hours. Sleeping all day, awake all night.”

“Your network of information is truly impressive, hyung,” Sanghyuk murmurs, forcing himself to move and keep cleaning himself. He hears Hakyeon get up from bed and come around him, gently taking the cloth from him to help him do his back and Sanghyuk wishes ardently Hakyeon didn’t make him feel like such a child sometimes. Nothing to do with Hakyeon being condescending or controlling; but everything to do with Sanghyuk’s own impulsiveness and lack of foresight every time he’s reminded of how Hakyeon is always looking out for him and their survival, as bitter as it feels to admit it.

Hakyeon cleans Sanghyuk’s skin in wide, firm strokes as Sanghyuk braces his hands against the washbasin.

“Who is he?” Hakyeon asks.

“A minor royal son, as you said,” Sanghyuk replies, leaden heart sinking slowly at the thought – the mere suggestion – that he stop seeing Jaehwan. “I don’t understand why-”

“Do you really think no one will get curious why this prince has suddenly become nocturnal? Why he started keeping those hours once you appeared in his life? Do you think the servants are blind? Don’t you know all it takes is for one person to say it – just even wonder it aloud – and it will spread like wildfire until an official or eunuch hears about it? Do you think no one has noticed how guards are going missing in the night? How do you think I found out?”

Hakyeon’s hand holding the cloth has stopped, now, and it’s resting heavy on Sanghyuk’s shoulder.

“We may be strong and we may be hard to kill, Sanghyuk, my love, but we’re not as untouchable as you may think. If they come with fire, or outnumber you-”

Sanghyuk stares painfully at the wall in front of him, biting down hard on his bottom lip. “They wouldn’t endanger him. He’s still a prince-”

“I haven’t told you everything I found out, Sanghyuk.”

Sanghyuk turns around to face Hakyeon, and the sadness he sees in Hakyeon’s eyes makes him want to give up and give in.

“What is it?” he asks.

*

Sanghyuk tries to pull back, but Jaehwan keeps his arms around Sanghyuk tight. “Not yet,” he mumbles breathily. “Take some more.”

Sanghyuk wants to stop, seed of alarm at the back of his mind growing, but Jaehwan’s blood makes him feel like he’s sweetly drunk. It’s too easy to keep lapping up mouthful after mouthful, Jaehwan breathing deep in his arms until Jaehwan’s hold on him begins to weaken.

Sanghyuk comes back to himself with a jolt and moves back, licking over the twin wounds quickly and worriedly before looking into Jaehwan’s face. Jaehwan is languid, heavy-limbed, eyes hazy.

“You need to stop doing that. I cannot take this much from you at one go,” Sanghyuk frets, letting him down gently to lie back on the cushions of his bed. “I should know better, I can’t-”

“I like it,” Jaehwan whispers, eyes closed and smile stealing over his face. “It feels good.”

Sanghyuk stares at him. “What feels good?”

“Almost dying,” Jaehwan grins at him, eyes opening. “I’m _joking._ You should see your face. I mean I like knowing it’s my blood in your veins.”

I wake up with a jolt from being pulled upright by my arm with the good hand to be chained to the wall by the guard.

“I said you didn’t have to do that,” Taekwoon is protesting, still trying to stop the guard from shackling me in. “Are you even listening to me?”

“These are my orders,” the guard says shortly and with the click of the lock around my wrist he lets me go and leaves without another word. I’m still dazed – the dream with Jaehwan has vanished like the violent pop of a balloon and I never react well to being woken suddenly.

“I’m sorry, I told him not to do it,” Taekwoon is telling me anxiously, coming to sit next to me on the bed and hovering uselessly as I try to make myself sit upright enough to take the pressure off my shoulder without having to prop myself up with the stump of the other arm. It still hurts if touched.

I blink at him. “Why are you here? It’s not time yet. Is it?”

“No, I’m early,” he says, reaching out to hand me the blood bags he’s been holding all this while. “Here. I brought your blood.”

I look at him, and then at my chained-up good hand lifted away from me by the ring in the wall. They usually just shove in the bags through the little slot in the door – because Taekwoon is here now and I apparently have to be restrained every time he visits I’m going to have to get creative with how I manage to drink from the bags.

“O-oh-” he stutters, realising my problem, and moves as if to put the first bag into my hand, but then stops in short jerks. “I’ll – hold on.”

He tears the bag open with his teeth and cringes a little at the rich smell of blood that blooms from the opening, and then stops again.

“How do you usually drink from these? It’s going to spill.”

“As carefully as I can,” I shrug. “If I get my clothes dirty when the doctors come they give me a new set.”

This is all new information to him, of course – he’s never seen me anything but pristine apart from that one time I had the dried blood tears on my face, and I can see how my reality is hitting him from new angles. I’m dying to ask why he’s here. My typical day goes blood, then doctors, then Taekwoon – but now Taekwoon is here early with the blood before the doctors and there’s a small jitteriness to him, like a cold brightness in his movements, that’s got me worried. Are the doctors going to do something?

Taekwoon gets up and goes to knock on the door to get the guard’s attention. “Can you get me a cup? No, not a cup. Get me a straw.”

“I’m not supposed to leave my post.”

“He’s chained up,” Taekwoon retorts. “He’s not going to do anything to me. Please. Get a straw from the canteen.”

The guard must have actually left to go get one, and I’m – touched. I don’t understand at all why he’s doing this, but I’m touched. I mean he could _leave_ , of course, so that the guard will unchain me and I can drink my blood more or less easily but – still.

“Why are you here?” I repeat.

Taekwoon sits down again on my cot – not his usual chair, but together with me although I can hear how his heart is going slightly too fast than it should be – and carefully holds the blood bag so nothing spills from the torn-open top. He’s putting more care than needed into his movements, and I narrow my eyes. This is suspicious.

“Stop stalling. Is something going to happen to me? Just tell me.”

“No, it’s not that,” he says, trying to be reassuring, but I don’t buy it. He’s starting to freak me out.

“You know something about what the doctors are going to do today, don’t you?” I demand, sitting up straighter. “What is it?”

“No, I don’t, Sanghyuk, don’t worry,” he puts out a hand on my arm, without thinking I suppose, and the cold touch of my skin makes him flinch. He looks instantly apologetic, and I raise a highly skeptical eyebrow. There has to be some crazy shit going on here for him to be suddenly so pally with me, and I’m honestly already panicking. Are they going to stake me? Are they going to cut off a bigger part of my body?

“What. Is. Going. On.” I grit out. Voluntarily coming near me, telling the guard not to restrain me, getting me a straw so I can drink my _human_ blood more easily, trying to comfort me – that’s it, I’m right. I’m going to die today and he’s being so nice to me because he feels guilty about something or other.

“Sanghyuk, stop it, I just – I don’t know what to do, alright?”

What on earth –

He gets to his feet in an agitated gesture, running the hand not holding my blood bag through his hair. “I went to see that couple I told you about yesterday. You called us monsters when I explained what their experiments were like. Remember?”

“Of course,” I say, watching him carefully.

“Sanghyuk,” he turns to really look at me, almost pleading, and there it is – the source of the cold, bright, fine glass-thin jitters. I don’t have to ask to know whatever he saw was bad.

“Will – is your hand healing?” he asks, in that same torn-paper voice. “Will it grow back?”

“Yes,” I say, feeling the same flood of relief I always feel whenever I think about it. I hadn’t been so sure myself. “It’s healing. It’s slow, but it will regenerate.”

Taekwoon nods, looking thoughtful, and I wonder how bad the other two vampires are hurt. They will heal, of course, with time, but whatever Taekwoon saw – sounds like it’s more complicated than just cuts and bruises.

He sits down again next to me after a few moments of just standing there.

I don’t know what to do with him being like this. Our relationship thus far hasn’t been exactly frosty or completely professional, I suppose, but his arguments about how vampires are fundamentally evil and emotionless and how he’s still focused on ‘stopping’ us have been pretty black and white. Maybe in another life we could have been friends. But right here, right now; Jung Taekwoon looks like he’s going through a crisis and I don’t know what to do. Should I even care? His people aren’t going to let me walk out of here alive.

“Are you okay?” I ask eventually, because one of us needs to say something and frankly, he’s starting to freak me out again.

“I don’t think so,” he mumbles, like he doesn’t want me to hear. Surprise, superhuman hearing.

“Why aren’t you okay?”

“Because it’s not right what we’re doing to you. But you’re still a vampire.”

I stare at him – hard. Should I tell him? Should I? He looks right now like he wants me to persuade him vampires aren’t evil – or that he needs to be persuaded that we are, either way; he’s confused and vulnerable and questioning fundamental things he believes in and if I’m very careful, right now –

“What do you know about Givers?”

Taekwoon’s head snaps up. “Givers,” he repeats, like I’ve offered a drowning man a lifeline. “Are you telling me they’re real?”

“How did you hear about them?” I ask. I’m curious. This has always been a really well-kept secret within the community.

“Rumours – someone who claimed to be a past Giver once wrote a book about it but never published. It somehow found its way into a demonologist’s hands in England. Are you telling me there are Givers here too?”

“Well, I didn’t know it was an international thing,” I begin, extremely impressed with my own kind. What kind of global communication network is there among vampires? Global _cooperation?_ Suddenly I desperately wish I could talk to Hakyeon and find out more from him, or together with him; this is fascinating. I almost feel like a demonologist myself. “But yes, there are. It’s hard, of course, finding enough humans for everyone because it needs to be kept so secret. And,” I recite from what Hakyeon told me, “there’s been too many vampires making children indiscriminately. Too many of us, too few Givers.”

“The statistics still show an overall drop in the number of humans murdered by vampires over the last fifty years,” Taekwoon says eagerly.

“But demand outstrips supply,” I continue, watching him like a hawk. “If only it were balanced enough… legalised. You can’t stop us. But you can control how many humans will die.”

“The aim being fewer? Only some?” he replies, sarcastic tinge in his voice.

“The aim being none,” I retort. “You’re not that stupid. Think about it.”

“Do _you_ have Givers?” he asks, face practically shining with the pure light of curiosity.

“Of course,” I answer airily. “I haven’t killed anyone since I was allowed to have them.”

Taekwoon looks thunderstruck. I can only begin to imagine what this must mean for him – for his life’s work, for his immediate future. But I’m starting to worry – there must be a reason why we haven’t tried to make this public knowledge yet. Hakyeon would know. Fuck, I’m so lost without him I don’t even know when or if I’ve just put my foot right in it.

“What are you going to do?” I ask cautiously.

“Tell me everything you know,” Taekwoon demands.

*

Halfway through telling him whatever I know – in for a penny, in for a pound, as I think they say in England – about Givers (and who on earth came up with that name for them, honestly, it sounds like the most lame PR idea ever) the guard comes back with my straw. He just shoves it in through the door slot and I snicker at the thought of how annoyed he must be, being sent on errands like this. Taekwoon takes it and wipes it off before sticking it into my bag of blood that he’s opened for me.

Cold blood – ugh. Cold blood diluted with holy water – even more ugh. But the way he holds it up to my mouth for me to drink from –

He’s impatient for me to finish because he wants to know the rest of what I can tell him, but he doesn’t hurry me. He just quietly watches as he holds the bag at a comfortable height for me to drink and waits for me to drain it. I feel so stupid drinking blood through a straw of all things but the feeling of being touched returns in full-force and I keep back any snarky comment I might have otherwise made. It’s been so long since someone was nice to me – and fuck, I better not cry now because I’m just going to waste whatever I just drank. It hasn’t really been all that long, of course, but it feels like an eternity. Taekwoon is the closest thing to a friend I have in here and that says all you need to know about my pathetic life these days. If I was a television show I’d be cancelled by the network.

Oh, Hakyeon hyung, Namjoo, Sungjae. Hongbin and Wonsik hyungs, too. I miss you all so much.

I look at Taekwoon looking at me and I can’t stop the one tear that escapes – fuck, fuck _fuck_ , I’m so desperate for any kind of kindness and safety and gentleness that I’m a complete mess. Taekwoon blinks in surprise, but he moves fast and catches the little blood drop before it falls onto my mattress or my shirt and stains it, lightly wiping it away with the back of his finger off my cheek.

I hate this. I _hate_ this.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, and I hate how soothing his voice is.

“What’s _wrong?_ ” I repeat incredulously, and I just want to die at the way pain takes over his face.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, tearing open my second blood bag. “I’m so sorry.”

*


	6. Chapter 6

I can’t watch when the doctors come in to check on his hand. They give me weird looks, of course, wondering what I’m doing there, and I try to look as professional as possible and go stand off in a corner by myself until they’re done checking up on him. Maybe I should have offered to go wait outside – I’m dying at how suspicious I must look. There is no earthly reason for me to be here this early.

I hate that I’m too weak to look at his uncovered hand – he said it’s regenerating. I’m going to have to take his word for it.

With them there I suddenly am shocked at how quickly the world seems to right itself – it’s been tipping dangerously lately in favour of Sanghyuk – and now Wonsik and Hongbin just from that one visit – but with other humans in the room doing their jobs and seeing the hate and fear in his face when he looks at them I’m reminded very powerfully of what I am and what he is.

Why is it so easy to forget? Why am I so eager to prove that vampires aren’t what everyone thinks they are? There is nothing in it for me to take their side.

What if he’s lying to me about the Givers?

They give him a new, lighter bandage after taking photos of his hand and they have the witch they’ve left outside come in and cast spells over it of Revelation and Seeking. The one thing all of us in the room have in common is the way the witch unnerves us – you can feel the tension in the room rise when it walks in. Their auras are too powerful, and the shadow under their hoods are too black, too opaque. I wonder what on earth the ministry had to pay them in order to contract this deal, and then I decide I don’t want to know – and I’m not talking about money.

And then we’re alone again. The way the last doctor looks at me on the way out makes the hair stand on the back of my neck, and I’m fully aware of why my conscience is so pricked.

Sanghyuk looks like a little – well, not _little_ – ball of fury sitting on his bed. If he was still living I can well imagine his ears flaming red in anger.

“Are you okay?” I ask, sitting back down on his bed. I wonder if the doctors noticed there was no chair set up for me to sit in.

“I hate them so much,” he seethes, using his good hand to manually flex his bandaged wrist in small movements – I blink in surprise. His wrist has regenerated; the awe of vampires’ innate magic leaves me speechless for a moment. To be able to regrow bone and skin and sinew from scratch, no matter how slowly, is an utter miracle. Humans can heal most wounds but not a completely lost limb or hand or foot, and part of me is caught hoping the witch does find something in the spells it’s casting over Sanghyuk to help humans recreate this kind of powerful healing. Where science has failed us maybe magic can show us the rest of the way. I just wish Sanghyuk didn’t have to be hurt like this in order to find out; and Sanghyuk’s voice is in my head tauntingly whispering _animal testing._

“And I’m tired,” he continues, letting his head fall back onto the wall. “This is my night time, you know.”

“Should I go?”

“Stay, stay,” he says magnanimously, making an endearingly silly face. “Maybe I’ll learn to sleep during the real night and be the first non-nocturnal vampire. I’ll make it into the Guinness World Records.”

“Is there a supernatural section?” I ask mildly, crossing my feet underneath me after toeing off my shoes to get more comfortable.

“That’s a good question. There should be. What’s the address of their headquarters? I’ll write in,” Sanghyuk closes his eyes, small smile playing about his mouth.

“If you want to sleep I really can go. Then the guard can unchain you as well,” I say, and everything wrong about that sentence given who I am and who he is and what our situation is is blaringly obvious, but I ignore it.

“No, stay with me.”

 _He doesn’t like being alone_ , I think.

“I think you owe me quite a lot of questions by now,” he opens his eyes again and grins at me, shifting back against the wall until he’s sitting up straight, probably to keep himself awake. “Let’s talk about you today.”

“Yay,” I deadpan.

“First question. Are you not scared of me anymore?”

I force myself not to react ridiculously. “Not really.”

“Because I can’t make my fangs come?” he narrows his eyes at me. “I can still break you in two.”

“I don’t think you will,” I reply evenly though I _want_ to panic at the connoted threat, and I’m doubly thankful I don’t say what’s on the tip of my tongue to retort at the implication of my relative weakness – _not with one hand, you can’t_.

“Just don’t make me angry,” he mock-warns, puffing himself up like the Hulk. “You won’t like me when I’m angry.”

I wonder what it was like when he saw his first movie. From street operas to shadow puppets to stage plays to black and white film to modern movies – I marvel at his life.

“Sure,” I answer condescendingly to a grin from him. I imagine sharper canines.

“How old are you, Taekwoon?”

“Twenty-eight in November.”

“I should be calling you hyung, then.”

I blink, and Sanghyuk laughs. “Or you can call me hyung. I’m almost two hundred, anyway.”

“There is no way I’m calling you _hyung_.”

“Okay, hyung,” he agrees amiably, and this is – I don’t like remembering he was only a teenager when he died. Young forever. “My birthday is in July.”

“That’s next month,” I startle. “Do you celebrate it still?”

“Not really,” he goes quiet, and I don’t want him to start wondering if he’s still going to be here next month so I quickly open my mouth to say the next thing that pops into my brain, but –

“Is it really okay if I call you hyung?”

“Well – I guess,” I say, and he beams. “I’m the youngest in my family so I’ve never really had someone younger around all the time to call me that. Might be nice.”

“Tell me about them,” he says.

“Who?”

“Your family.”

“Why?”

“I lost mine a long time ago,” he says, sad faraway look in his eyes, and at my stricken look he bursts out laughing. “Oh my god, hyung, you are too easy.”

 _But he’s still serious about calling me hyung_ , I think while rolling my eyes at him. “Did you have brothers?”

“Me? No. An older sister.”

He can see me thinking about it – sometimes I think he can read minds, the way he knows what’s in my head, because he then says –

“Hakyeon was your age. My maker.”

Is this the hyung he wants to replace? Wants to pretend is me?

“Come on, tell me about your family. I’m just curious.”

I tell him about my (not one like him but _three_ ) older sisters and my parents. My nephew and how much I love him though he treats me like a rather less interesting piece of furniture. How my eldest sister wanted me to sing at her wedding banquet and I was so nervous I got drunk before the first course was over. How badly we four used to fight when I was younger. How once when I was really small we were playing hide and seek and my second sister put me in the washing machine and nearly turned it on. How I have to call my mother every other day or so now that I don’t live at home anymore. How I don’t like the guy my third sister is seeing right now.

“Pfft,” he scoffs. “Your poor sister, I hope you’re not making life hard for her.”

“You don’t know the kind of vibes he gives off, alright?” I protest. “He just isn’t reliable.”

“Do you allow her to meddle in _your_ love life?”

I pause a second. “I would if I had one. I’d trust she meant well.”

“No girlfriend at the moment?” he asks, looking sympathetic. “Or should I say, _boy_ friend?”

He’s grinning at me and I knew this was coming ever since I let my guard down that day so really, I’m not surprised at all.

“Congratulations, you’ve got me,” I answer sarcastically.

“Are you exclusively just boys or do you date women too?”

“Both,” I say, figuring honesty can’t hurt. “But neither, for some time now.”

“Why?” he asks, scrutinising me. “Bad breakup?” How the hell is he so good at reading me?

“Yeah,” I say, emphatically _not_ thinking of Hyejeong. “You could say that.”

“Same,” he says, deadpan, and I can’t help but laugh; and then laugh again in disbelief.

“You haven’t – been with anyone? Since Jaehwan? _Really?_ ”

He shrugs.

“Wow. That’s kind of romantic, really.”

“Romantic?” Sanghyuk snorts, side-eyeing me heavily. “Hyung, you watch too many dramas. Do you write emo poetry about your exes too?”

“No,” I retort, conscience pricked. “But anyway I guess finding someone to hook up with in your situation is rather tricky.”

“Yeah and the concept of forever is kinda literal, with us? And vampires don’t take these things lightly. There’s just so far you can go to run away from an angry ex, anyway. The world becomes really small when you have infinite time.”

“So a soulmate is really a soulmate with you guys,” I muse. I can’t help it, he’s right. I do watch too many dramas.

“This couple I know,” he starts, looking fond. “They fight like crazy. About everything. Because one of them is messy and the other one is super neat, and one of them can get really obsessed with something and not know time is passing while the other one is really organised and stuff, you know? But, man,” he shakes his head. “I’ve never seen love like that. When they’re arguing and really mad they still look out for each other and you know the quarrel isn’t going to last too long because they just adore each other too much. Like… just the way they look at each other? Especially when they think the other one’s not looking. It’s _gross_.”

I think my hearteyes expression is too obvious because he bursts out laughing in my face.

“Shut up,” I grumble, then hesitate. Should I ask…? “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but you said you’ve never seen love like that? Then what about you and Jaehwan? I mean, if you never got with anyone again after him…”

I trail off, leaving the suggestion in the air and hoping it doesn’t upset him. He purses his mouth in a gesture that could be rueful, could be a little sad, and –

“I don’t think we were together long enough for me to know what really loving him would have been like,” he says after a few seconds. “I mean, we were basically sneaking around behind everyone’s backs. We couldn’t live together, or travel anywhere together. More and more as time wore on it was like stealing whatever time we could to see each other. Hakyeon _really_ disapproved – like really. He isn’t the type to be controlling or unreasonable, and I know now what he was trying to prevent from happening.”

He makes the same pursed-mouth face – his lips form a rather perfect ‘w’. It’s highly endearing, and a bit puzzling how baby-like he can look sometimes.

“So I had to see Jaehwan without Hakyeon’s knowledge, which really made me feel like some kind of rebellious teenager. And of course Jaehwan had to keep it quiet about me because we couldn’t risk someone finding out what I was – and so on and so forth. We were only together about four months in the end.”

I look at his carefully neutral face and I know why their time together was cut short, but now is absolutely not the time to ask about it.

“It’s true,” I say. “It’s hard to really know someone and to test your feelings for each other if you don’t get to live a normal everyday life with them.”

“It felt so real, though,” Sanghyuk says into his lap, and I just – I want to hug him. I know the idea is ridiculous, but I still want to. “ _Though_ sometimes I also wonder if it was the same for him. Jaehwan was – flighty. Like a bird you couldn’t catch, or a fish slipping through your hands. I was definitely his, but I wonder – I just wonder sometimes if he was mine.”

God, if this were really a drama it’d be a tearjerker. He’s saying all of this keeping his voice even and casual, but I have to think about him turning all of this over in his mind for years and years, never getting any answers, never being able to have proper closure – at least things ended for Hyejeong and I cleanly, inevitably, like a knife cut. No matter how much I loved her, no matter how much I wanted things to work out, it was clear that they never could have, and that was a comfort in itself. But for Sanghyuk and Jaehwan –

“Why are you sighing, you big sap?”

“What happened to calling me ‘hyung’?”

“Okay, why are you sighing, you big sappy hyung?”

Dammit, that’s cute. “Nothing. This big sappy hyung would like to hear about your Givers.”

“Oh,” he perks up. “Sungjae and Namjoo, that’s their names. Hakyeon found them for me. Namjoo was really scared at first but she warmed up to me really quickly. And Sungjae is just like – just like this idiot brother I never had? He’s so annoying but I really like him and he really likes me, too. They live with Hakyeon’s Givers; it’s tricky, this whole thing. I don’t even think Sungjae’s parents know. But they’re college students, and well – in this town it’s the closest thing to life insurance.”

“Wait,” I ask, completely dumbfounded. “They’re like – friends? It’s a – like a casual thing? You just show up and are like hey time to feed and they’re just cool about it?”

“We don’t feed from them every day,” he scoffs. “They wouldn’t be able to take it. About three times a week, every other day or so. We use underground blood banks too- Oh.”

He stops, looking wary. “Do you know about those?”

“No!” I cry.

“Oops.”

“Just how much don’t I know?” I demand. “What are underground blood banks?”

“Pretty much what they sound like. People give blood for money that we then can use.”

I stare at him. “But that’s a damn good idea!”

“Well,” he shrugs. “Yeah.”

I don’t think he realises just how earthshattering this is to me??

“So – you guys have a whole system where you don’t need to kill people?”

“More or less? It takes a lot of resources, hunting. Plus people don’t seem to like it much.”

I glare at him this time. He’s enjoying himself.

“So the more we can negotiate some kind of safe balance in between the better for both sides, right?”

“Right!” I exclaim. “Right!”

I stop, and look at him being amused at me getting worked up. I really, really look at him.

I have to get him out of here.

“I find it hard to believe you don’t know about these things,” Sanghyuk is saying. “What do you demonologists _do_ , anyway? Tsk.”

“You sound like my mother,” I mutter, still distracted. “My family thinks my job isn’t ‘serious’ enough and wants me to go into banking.”

“ _Banking_ ,” Sanghyuk snorts.

“Right?” I nod emphatically along, mind racing in the background. “I love my job. It’s so interesting. And they want me to give it up to work in a stuffy bank caring about rich people’s dirty money.”

Sanghyuk cocks his head, looking at me slyly. “I could tell you things about vampires that would make you the foremost expert on us in the country - in the _world_. I’d bring you to meet everyone and you could ask them anything you wanted. Hakyeon hyung. Wonsik and Hongbin hyungs, they’re the ones I was talking about.”

What if I could bribe a guard –

Ice settles in the pit of my stomach and flows outwards through me in a sickening wave. _Wonsik and Hongbin hyungs._

“What?” Sanghyuk looks at the way my face has gone slack with shock. “What did I say?”

“You know Wonsik and Hongbin?”

“Yes,” he frowns. “How do you-”

The moment he gets it he jerks and tries to grab my arm, forgetting he’s lacking a hand. The look on his face utterly breaks me.

“No,” he says. “Taekwoon, no. They’re not the ones you saw. They’re not.”

I swallow helplessly, wondering what the odds are that there’s more than one couple named Wonsik and Hongbin and knowing the answer.

“Does – Wonsik has tattoos. Does he? Did you see? One on his – his upper right arm, and then another on his wrist. And on his chest. Did you see?”

“I didn’t visit Wonsik, only Hongbin,” I tell him. "He’s – about my height? Really handsome. Deep voice-”

Those details are sketchy at best, really, but Sanghyuk is drawing back away from me looking like he wants to cry and destroy things and die all rolled into one.

“How can you do this?” he pleads, eyes filling with red. “Taekwoon, you can’t do this to them, you can’t-”

I rail against the futility of wanting to tell him it’s not me who’s hurting them and that if I could get them out or stop them from being tortured I would, and most of all I don’t want to make Sanghyuk cry for the second time today.

He’s taking quick breaths – I’m not sure if out of habit during high emotion or because it calms him in some way – and dashing away the blood tears as they fall, as if removing the evidence will give him a tighter control over himself.

“I thought – I was the only one here,” he says jerkily. “It’s worse – knowing – they’re here too-”

I’m not really thinking when I take him in my arms and he completely breaks down against me. He’s outright sobbing, and the need to comfort him wars with how cold his skin feels. Right/wrong.

I don’t know how I’m going to explain the blood on my shirt.

*

When I finally manage to fall asleep I dream of Jaehwan. It’s no longer a surprise to me.

But it’s hazy this time – not shockingly vivid like the dreams of him usually are. We’re lying down face to face in his bed, and it’s beautiful. There’s soft light against his face and hair and he’s smiling at me as we talk. He’s gently playing with my fingers.

I don’t know which day this is from – it could be any number of days, but it can’t have really happened because of the sunlight. I’m looking at him in the light of the sun, and it bathes me too. We could be any pair of normal lovers, sleeping in late together, refusing to get up and start the day.

I can’t hear what we’re talking about; I’m watching us from outside my body. I look happy – I’ve just said something to make him laugh and god, _god,_ I miss that laugh. I miss him. I wish so much I could have said goodbye properly.

I wonder if I know already by now in this dream what Hakyeon told me is going to happen in the palace – I can’t look this happy and peaceful if so, so maybe it’s before. Maybe this is a completely-made up dream based on what I want to see because I need comforting.

Taekwoon instead of Jaehwan is smiling back at me – it’s black hair instead, dark eyes, paler skin. His smiles transform his face totally from solemn and intimidating to endearingly goofy. I love the way he smiles.

I say something else that’s funny – I must be killing it with the jokes – and he rolls on his back with how hard he’s laughing, and smacks me on the arm when he rolls back to face me. I push back his fringe – Taekwoon with long hair, interesting – and he catches my hand to press a kiss into the palm of it.

It makes my heart ache.

“Why are you crying?” he asks, worried, and I blink. I am, I realise. I _am_ crying.

“Wait for me, Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon’s voice comes out of my mouth when I open it to answer him. “Wait for me. I’m coming to get you out. Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Taekwoon repeats. “Tomorrow?”

My heart begins to pound inside my chest, and I wake up in a panic.

I sit up and double over, good hand pressed to my still chest in the silence. No Jaehwan, no Taekwoon, and no Hakyeon – I feel sick to my stomach. It can’t be real.

“Tomorrow,” I whisper to myself, but it doesn’t make any sense.


	7. Chapter 7

Alright. The only thing that I can think of that makes sense right now is that I need to go in at night when the facility is mostly locked up and most people are gone and it’s just the guards left. But then again – that also doesn’t make sense because that’s when security will be tighter and if anyone spots us it’s obvious that I’m trying to smuggle him out because none of the doctors or researchers or demonologists like me are supposed to be at work at that time. So should I try to do it during work hours? But – how am I going to explain to the guard that I’ve got a valid reason to take him out of his cell? And how am I going to get him out of the facility and away with everybody walking around the place? And – oh, shit, I can’t do it in the daytime. He’ll fry in the sun. I could bundle him up in thick blankets and tell him not to come out of them until I’ve driven us home? But no, the carpark is away from the main building. He’ll have to survive walking a few hundred metres and I can’t cover him up completely without arousing suspicion.

Alright. Alright.

So – night time. I could get him a spare change of my clothes – make him look like just another researcher. I could stay late until most people are gone, and then ask the guard to come into his cell for some fake reason – whatever reason will do – and overpower the guard somehow. _Quietly._ He won’t be expecting it – the two I’ve seen guarding Sanghyuk’s cell all this time have never had cause to find me suspicious. Then – use the guard’s key to unchain Sanghyuk and then he’ll change and we’ll both slip out together.

Oh, god. I’m about to become a wanted man. There’re CCTVs everywhere, they’re going to know it’s me who helped him escape – and they know where I live. Maybe Sanghyuk can hide me –

No, I just have to keep him hidden until the next nightfall and then he can leave. If they come to my house they’ll see I don’t have him there and – yeah, right. They’ll just let me go free with no suspicion. Of course.

Oh, god.

I let my head thunk back against the steel cabinet behind me. I’d gone back to the office without going home straight like I usually do; after letting Sanghyuk cry himself to sleep – or more like give in to emotional exhaustion – I couldn’t go home with his blood tears staining my shirt. I’m amazed I managed to make it back to my office without anyone seeing or wondering why I was speedwalking holding my documents so awkwardly close to my chest. I always feel like I’m sitting on a secret these days, in case my employer – my _government_ – realises I’m no longer truly on their side. 

I’ve washed the shirt – it looks like maybe a really bad coffee stain. If you squint. That’s my story, anyway, if someone like Sunggyu hyung comes in looking for me and sees me sitting here shirtless. My head is in such a mess I didn’t even think about having to dry the shirt before I left the bathroom and now it’s just sitting in front of me on my table in a soggy heap because wearing it was too uncomfortable.

Holding Sanghyuk as he cried has fucked me up . Fucked. Me. Up. He cries the way I cry – we have that in common. He tries to hold everything in until he’s shaking with it and then big sobs tear their way out of him. I found myself rubbing his back trying to soothe him, make the tears come easier, like as if that would help the situation at all.

His cold skin made mine crawl – there’s nothing that can take away the feeling of holding – essentially – a dead body in your arms. Icy skin, even through his clothes. And yet the sound of his tears and knowing the pain he must be feeling managed to make all of that insignificant – easily put away in another corner of my mind. It didn’t matter what I was trying to comfort – demon, killer, blood-drinker – he was hurting badly and I wanted to make it stop. Yes; hurt, love, pain, happiness, _fuck_ – all of that, they feel it just as we do. It’s undeniable by now. I feel like I’m living in a house built on rickety stilts that I’m helping to chop down myself one by one.

I held him for a long time even after he stopped crying. He was just resting his head on my shoulder with his eyes closed – I tried to clean off most of the blood from his face – and taking really deliberate breaths. I think he was giving himself something else to focus on while he tried to push it all down so he could just pass out and let long-overdue sleep take over. His breath against my neck was cold too, but the rise and fall of his body as he breathed said _human_ to me, and nothing else.

 _You see me doing nothing but cry these days_ , he mumbled into my shirt after a while, like he was trying to joke. _I’m actually really tough._

I don’t know why that just killed me. He sounded like this little kid that was trying to act older and tougher than he really was and it really just – God, listen to me. He’s a _vampire_. He’s stronger than me, older than me, bigger than me – and he was making himself small so he could fit in my arms and let me comfort him. It’s absurd that I want to protect him. All I know is that leaving him in this facility until they end up killing him once he’s run his purpose is wrong. He’s a _person_ – he’s funny and cheeky and there’s a softness to him even when he’s being a brat and god, he can be such a brat –

Alright, Taekwoon. Enough. Back to the plan.

I’m going to get myself arrested. Or shot. God help me.

*

I’m so nervous I don’t know what to do with myself. Hakyeon hyung said ‘tomorrow’ – if I can even trust the dream at all. I have no evidence to prove that it’s not just my brain fucking with me.

Tomorrow means tonight. I don’t think he’s going to come in the daytime, because that’s just impossible. Will he come alone? With others? How does he even expect to get in?

I’ve been staring at the bags of blood they’ve shoved in through the door for about twenty minutes now. I can hide them under my mattress or pillow – when the doctors come in they’re not going to know I haven’t drunk them yet – unless the guard says something. At the very least they’ll make me drink them on the spot, but if the guard and the doctors don’t realise I haven’t drunk the laced blood then I win. If Hakyeon hyung is really coming tonight then I do not want to be dulled like this – I need to be stronger and faster. I don’t know if the effects are going to wear off fast, but I do know going hungry for a day isn’t going to kill me.  

I take the bags and put them under my mattress. If I had a live heart it’d be slamming in my chest; all this is riding on the guard not noticing. I hope Taekwoon comes in early, too, and is out long before whatever is happening tonight happens.

If it happens.

Taekwoon – I feel bad that I won’t be able to say goodbye to him. But maybe – maybe I’ll go find him once I’m out of here. He shouldn’t be too hard to track down. He’s been good to me, and I’m not going to forget that. Al _though_ maybe I should just eat him because he’s seen me cry twice now and that is just ksjfksjdhfksdjf –

What if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t come?

What if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t come?

What if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t come?

What if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t come?

What if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t come?

What if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t come?

What if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t come? Does he know about Wonsik and Hongbin hyungs too? He probably does. He’ll be coming for them too.

What if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t come?

*

The guard gives me a very pointed questioning look when I arrive at Sanghyuk’s cell at 7.30pm. The sun has set and people are on their way home – but I put my poker face on. There is no ‘closing time’, not officially. People do pull all-nighters. I’m just one of them tonight. This _is_ when Sanghyuk is actually awake, anyway. (These are all my prepared excuses.)

Sanghyuk jolts when he sees me walk in with the guard, and the look he gives me is so intense and sharp for a moment that I’m thrown off. What’s wrong? I’m very, very much later than I usually am, I know, but this reaction is unexpected. I’m already worried and on edge enough.

Once the guard chains him and leaves Sanghyuk doesn’t even wait for me to sit.

“Why are you here so late? Are you leaving soon? Don’t you have to go home?”

I blink at him. “What?” It’s his tone more than what he’s saying; he sounds panicked.

He stares at me for a long moment – two moments. “Look, there’s – there may be – something happening tonight. You can’t be here.”

“What are you talking about?”

He squeezes his eyes shut for a beat like he’s steeling himself. “I’ve been having dreams about my maker. He tells me to wait, that he’s coming for me, but yesterday he finally said when, and it’s tonight. I have no idea if it’s just me making all this up in my head because I want to get out of here so badly or if he’s really communicating with me somehow but – if he comes he’s not going to be alone. If you get in the middle of that-”

He breaks off. “I’m not saying Hakyeon hyung will hurt you. But I can’t guarantee you’ll be safe. Please, just – go home.”

I’m floored. I’m absolutely speechless.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

“Because it sounds crazy and pathetic and you’ve already seen me blubbing all over the place like a baby. If it was just all in my head and never materialised then at least I don’t have to face extra embarrassment knowing I told you just how badly I’m losing it in here.”

I sit down next to him and drop my briefcase on the floor next to my feet – holding the clothes for him.

“But, Sanghyuk, what if it’s not just in your head?”

“I don’t _know_ ,” he shrugs helplessly, the chain clinking with the movement. “I don’t know anything. Look, I feel stupid enough already getting my hopes up. Please just go home in case something happens. And if it doesn’t and I’m still here tomorrow then you can laugh at me, okay?”

I take a deep breath. “You’re not going to still be here tomorrow.”

His eyes widen. “What?”

“There’s a reason I’m so late. It’s – I have a plan. To get you out.”

For a moment his expression doesn’t change, and then he slumps a little in relief. “I thought you meant they were going to stake me tomorrow.” He looks up. ”To get me out? You’re- _what?_ ” 

“I have a change of clothes for you – my clothes. To make you look like just another researcher. We’ll call the guard in and I’ll knock him out. Then we unchain you, you change and we get out of this cell and we make a run for it.”

It’s his turn to be speechless. He doesn’t say anything while he searches my face in silence, and the longer he keeps quiet the stupider I feel. Please don’t ask me if I actually know how to knock someone out. Please don’t –

“How do you plan on knocking him out?”

“One good uppercut to the jaw, right? I think?” I answer, trying to sound confident.

He just _looks_ at me, and I’m starting to feel like a giant idiot. What was I _thinking?_

“Why?” is all he says after a very uncomfortable silence, and I honestly don’t know what to say that will sound non-ridiculous or selfish. _Because you’re more human than I thought. Because you don’t deserve to have this happen to you. Because I couldn’t live with my conscience if you died. Because I made the mistake of becoming fond of you._

“You shouldn’t be here,” is all I end up saying, but he’s not done.

“You’re willing to get into trouble for me? You’ll be arrested. You’ll lose your job.”

“There’s always banking,” I reply, laughing thinly. He’s saying everything I haven’t fully reconciled with yet either, and I really don’t need him to make me start questioning myself again. “Or it’s time to write that great vampire exposé. You said you’d give me inside information.”

“I can’t believe you want to do this,” he shakes his head. “This will ruin your life, Taekwoon. You’ll be a traitor. The scandal will never leave you in peace in or out of jail. Caught helping a vampire escape from a government facility – I mean-”

“If I just let you die here I’ll never have peace again anyway,” I say, and it comes out more snappy than I intend. It shuts him up immediately, and he looks away.

I didn’t think I’d have to persuade him like this – arguing to _let_ me try to commit this huge crime and break him out. The fact that he’s concerned for me – for _me!_ – in all of this makes me sure, though, that I’m doing the right thing. I just wish I projected more confidence that he wouldn’t think it was a done deal that I’d be caught for it so that _I_ could have hope I’m not going to be caught for it.      

“It would make more sense for me to wear the guard’s uniform, not your clothes, when we go,” he’s saying slowly. “Nobody who might see us will give us a second look.”

“Right,” I let out the breath I was holding in a rush. “And we should do it as far as possible from the next guard changeover.”

He looks at me shrewdly, like he still can’t believe the words that are coming out of my mouth. That makes two of us.

“But what if Hakyeon hyung comes?”

And there it is, the great unforeseen spanner in the works. I have no idea about specific maker-child magic – I know their bonds are very strong and not all tangible, but I’ve never heard about dream communication before and neither has Sanghyuk, clearly. It’s entirely possible it’s as he said, that his brain has made this up manifesting his desire to get out because of all the stress and trauma he’s endured. But then again – what if it’s not? What if Hakyeon stands a better chance of rescuing him than I do? What if I try and it fails and it botches up Hakyeon’s opportunity to save him?

I drop my head into my hands. “I don’t know. I – maybe we should wait. If he doesn’t come tonight then – tomorrow night. We’ll try then.”

Sanghyuk nods slowly, and then smiles crookedly. “I even tried to hide my blood bags today so I could be more alert if Hakyeon did come to break me out. Should have known it’s in the guard’s specific orders to remove the empty bags half an hour after they’re given.”

“Still fangless, then?”

“Still fangless. Nobody is getting bitten by me tonight. He thought I was trying to starve myself.”

I don’t know what to call this feeling. I’m relieved – sort of – because I’ve been talking like I break people out of places all the time when I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m also disappointed and scared for him because I don’t know if he’s going to be saved like he wants to be. And I’m jealous, for god’s sake, I’m jealous; I want to be the one to get him out of here. And – this awfully feels a bit like goodbye.

“If Hakyeon comes tonight and everything goes well and you escape,” I start, looking at the bedsheets, “where will you go?”

“I don’t know,” he answers. “I don’t think we can stay here, though.”

“Will you-” I start, and then lose my nerve spectacularly. _Will you try to find me before you go?_ “Will you come back for Hongbin and Wonsik?”

“Of course, if I can, if Hakyeon hyung doesn’t have a plan to get them out at the same time,” he nods quickly. “I mean – you could do it. Transfer your plan from me to them.”

I look up at him to see he’s not being serious, and I smile along with him. Just talking about Hakyeon coming to get him has lifted his mood so much that I’m dreading tomorrow. I don’t know what will be worse – if when I make it into work tomorrow morning and Sanghyuk is gone, or if he’s still here.

“Are you scared?” I ask.

“Yes.”

*

He hugged me before I left. He begged me to go – I didn’t want to leave. I’m not sure I want to be around when Hakyeon gets here – Sanghyuk talks about him like he’s some kind of superhero – but I also didn’t want to leave Sanghyuk alone for the hours of waiting he’s probably got ahead of him. I _want_ Hakyeon to come for him. I want him to be safe. But a selfish part of me I’m trying not to acknowledge so much is also already feeling like torn-apart paper, flimsy and impossible to put back together perfectly.

He put his free arm around me and hugged me, but I wasn’t ready or expecting it so we sort of collided gently rather than embraced. I don’t know what that hug meant, and he let go quickly. Maybe it was to say goodbye.

I’m not sure I’m going to be able to sleep tonight.

*


	8. Chapter 8

I’m telling myself to act normally but you know how when you desperately need to act normal you have no idea what ‘normal’ is anymore? I don’t know what to do with my face or my hands. How do you walk _normally_ like you’re not thinking about anything? I’m so nervous I hardly slept four hours last night and right now I’m just running on adrenaline. I didn’t hear anything on the news – though I doubt vampires breaking out of this secret facility will be on the news – and nobody texted me anything, not Sunggyu hyung or my boss, so I have every reason to think Sanghyuk’s still going to be in that cell when I get to work.

I waited a reasonable amount of time in my office – dying slowly, fidgeting endlessly, drinking far too much coffee – before I left to go to Sanghyuk’s cell and right now I’m feeling like an alien in a human suit trying to figure out how to act like everything’s fine and I’m just on my way to do my job just like everyone else in here.

The guard is still outside Sanghyuk’s door. That can only mean one thing.

I can’t explain the jump as well as the drop of my heart when I see him; as usual, sitting in his cot with his back to the wall waiting for the guard to chain him. I wonder what he does when he’s not chained – does he walk around the cell? Sit in different parts of it?

I don’t know what to say. I’m awfully, horribly out of words. I’m not good with words in the first place but right now they’re just deserting me.

I look at him, and he looks at me. What _is_ there to say?

“Don’t worry, it’s okay,” he beckons to me to sit, and I can’t believe he’s telling _me_ it’s okay. “I knew it was a long shot. It’s fine.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, and I don’t even know whether I’m really sorry or not. “Looks like it’s down to me, huh?”

He smiles a little at my joke but he looks so defeated and so tired right now I just feel useless. I’ve been thinking a lot about how he told me what he’s been dreaming; how he trusted me with the information that more vampires may be infiltrating the facility in order to get him out, and how he told me to go home and not be in harm’s way. He could have just – not said anything. If Hakyeon had really come for him I’d just come to work as usual, come to his cell and seen he’s not there. Or I’d get a call from work telling me what’s happened. He didn’t have to tell me himself or hug me goodbye. He trusted I wouldn’t report it. He – cared enough to tell me?

The guard shoves his blood bags in through the slot in the door with a jarring sound that makes us both startle.

“I hope you’re not too hungry,” I say with more resolve than I feel, trying to sound confident for him. “Because you’re not drinking that.”

He raises one eyebrow at me.

I’m aware of all the ways this could go wrong. It’s daytime – he’s more sluggish than usual on top of already having been drugged for weeks daily. My plan to get him out and smuggle him down to the archive stacks in the basement – the one place that requires an access pass to get into and the one access pass I possess – and keep him there until the sun sets could of course be better; but I’m a demonologist, not a top spy. My plan is that I’m going to come back close to the end of the working day, we’re going to overpower the guard and take his uniform, he’s going to walk out with me so that whoever’s watching the CCTV will see one guard go in and one guard come out, and then we’re going to make it look like the guard asks to see some of my documents and we leave together. Or something.

I bring him to my office, he changes again into a set of my clothes to throw the cameras off even more and I will bring him down to the stacks where he’s going to stay for the next one or two hours until the sun sets and I will pretend to pack up and be as unsuspicious as possible as I go down to get him and we leave together. Here’s the stroke of genius – I’m going to ask to borrow Sunggyu hyung’s access pass so it’ll be his name on the records of who’s gone in and out of the stacks, not mine. 

It’s a far cry from perfect but at least it’s a plan. I tell all this to him and he’s trying really hard to keep the skepticism off his face but he’s failing very blatantly.

“Why not just do what you did yesterday and come in late? Then we can leave straight away instead of having to hide me. What am I going to do if someone comes into the stacks?”

“Nobody goes into the stacks,” I answer. This is at least something I’m sure of. “It’s supposed to be the archives but everyone uses the online database. There is no reason for anyone to want to go downstairs and search through tons of paper.”

“If you have an online database why do you still have a physical archive?”

“It’s the government,” I say, deadpan.

“Look, I don’t know,” he says. “All it will take is someone walking past my cell and seeing that there’s no guard there, or for the guard to wake up and start banging on the door for someone to go investigate what’s going on. Then I’m guessing this whole place is going to go into lockdown while they try to find me and there’s no way I’m going to be able to hide in the stacks and get away with it while they do it. I think the moment we get out of my cell it’s time to run for it.”

“Okay. Okay, you have a point,” I take a deep breath.

“Yeah. Come back later. Like yesterday. And then – we’ll do it.”

I have no idea if this is going to work, but Sanghyuk is looking at me like he’s found hope once more and that’s all I need. I rummage around in the bag I’ve brought and take out two big tumblers.

“Go get the blood bags and pour them out.”

“I’m going to be so hungry, though. I wonder – where can a poor down and out vamp get fresh, warm, clean blood? Who would be so kind as to offer a hand? Or a neck?”

I glare up at him and he’s grinning at me. He’s _grinning_ at me and it feels like forever since I’ve felt this light.

“Shut up and start pouring, Toothless.”

*

When Taekwoon comes in at what I suppose is almost sunset he looks like he’s one step away from panicking and having a complete nervous breakdown. It hits me right in the chest – he’s so scared and worried but he’s still doing this for me and I’m so grateful but I try not to show too much emotion. We need to keep clear heads. Later on once we’re both safely out of here then I can try to even begin to make it up to him.

I’m not thinking about Hakyeon hyung. I let myself get my hopes up over something that had no basis and I’m forcing myself not to let myself feel anything about it. He is out there, and I’m sure he’s safe – no. I’m not even going to go down that road.

I imagine I can already feel the effects of the poisoned blood lifting from me, but that may just be me gearing up for maybe having to fight my way out of here. I can’t believe I managed to drink that blood every day and keep it down. In the most horrible of ways somehow life still manages to remind me of Jaehwan.

“When the guard comes in here get him close enough to me,” I tell him. “I’ll take care of him.”

He looks relieved, and then instantly worried.

“I’m not going to kill him,” I roll my eyes. “Just – put him to sleep.”

“We need to wait till sunset. That’s in twenty minutes.”

“You can pretend you’re leaving and when he gets close enough to me to unchain me you push him towards me, okay?”

“Okay.”

I can hear his heart going from probably ten miles away. He’s pale and jittery, but he’s trying so hard to contain himself and his face is his usual serious mask. He really could outstare a sphinx.

“Do you want me to knock you out, too? You could say I glamoured you somehow. Make up a story, they’ll buy it.”

He considers it a moment, then nods quickly.

“Wouldn’t want you to lose this job that you love so much,” I tease, but it comes out wrong because his face falls. That’s not what I meant at all – I don’t blame him for me being in this situation, not specifically. It’s the eternal war, isn’t it? Losses on both sides. It’s just how it is.

Maybe things will change once more and more vampires start using the Givers and the blood banks. Who knows what kind of society we could build? Hakyeon hyung’s optimistic about it but… I’m not convinced. Vampires are territorial predators and humans are, in the great scheme of things, prey animals. I think the best we can hope for is an uneasy truce between the two sides with the chosen Givers living quiet don’t ask-don’t tell lives.

I’ve never told this to Taekwoon. I wanted him to believe – what? That vampires really are just like humans? Or that we’re all saints and actually abhor killing but do it because we have to? That I’m not a monster?

“I don’t want you to get into trouble,” I amend, and he nods again, face softening.

“Where will you go?”

“To my Givers’,” I answer. I think that makes the most sense. I will need to rest and recover – grow this damn hand back properly – and get all the poison out of my system, not to mention lay low. And from there they can notify Hakyeon hyung and he can come get me. I don’t dare go back to our place first – I’ve become paranoid about everything. What if they’ve chipped me with some godforsaken GPS bit when they cut open my arm? We’d never be able to go back to our apartment if these humans manage to track me down there.

It’s so important Taekwoon doesn’t lose his job. We may need him when we come back to get Wonsik and Hongbin hyungs out because security will for sure be even tighter.

“Hyung,” I say, and I smile when he turns to look at me. “Thank you.”

He laughs, a nervous puff of air. “Don’t thank me just yet.”

“I mean it. Thank you. I won’t forget this.”

He shrugs – he’s awkward with feelings, too, not sure what to do with them until they spill over and he can’t ignore them – and I make myself get over my hesitation and give him the proper hug that I messed up on yesterday because I’m just not given much to these outward displays of affection. He’s taken aback by it – I feel self-conscious and silly, crying and hugging people all over the place these days _who am I??_ but he hugs me back tightly. Hakyeon hyung loves hugs. He’d hug me all day if he could. I’m – maybe – starting to understand – _maybe_ – why that is. Taekwoon gives good hugs. I think it’s because of his long-ass noodle arms.

It’s also so, so interesting once again to feel how warm he is compared to me, and the movement of his body as he breathes as I hold him. I’ve long forgotten what being human felt like – you don’t think about these things until you’re dead and then there’s nothing but this gaping silence and stillness and then that’s all you know – or what it really feels like to hold someone who’s alive. Jaehwan was too long ago and I don’t feed from my Givers’ necks so I don’t have to get this close to them; that’s just awkward. I always feed from their arms. While I’m thinking this of course I become very aware that Taekwoon’s neck is right next to my mouth and his jugular is pumping gorgeous blood just millimetres away – and this doesn’t feel awkward at all. I wouldn’t mind feeding from him this way. I barely stop myself from burying my nose in his skin and inhaling – I’m _hungry_ – because all I need is for him to freak out on me right now. The last time I was this close to him I was rather distressed, not to put too fine a point on it, so none of this occurred to me. Now… I think it would be a good idea to move away.

I let go of him and he moves back – and his cheeks are slightly pink. Interesting.

“It’s time,” he mutters, looking at his watch. “7.31pm.”

“Rock and roll,” I answer. I learnt that phrase about ten years ago and I’ve never had a chance to actually use it.

Taekwoon stands up and goes to the door, knocking on it sharply. “I’m done,” he calls out, and we share one last look.

The guard comes in while Taekwoon pretends to go get his bag leaning against the wall across from me, and the guard doesn’t even wait to see that Taekwoon is really gone before he comes up to me, taser out. He’s never had reason to use that taser on me – apart from that one time I tried to destroy the cell, but that was some time ago – so he’s holding it like he knows he’s not going to need it. Mistakes one and two. I almost feel sorry for him.

Taekwoon gives him one sharp shove in the middle of his back that sends him sprawling onto the bed and I wrench myself into position to get my legs around his neck – I can’t use my arm to choke him because it’ll be too easy for him to scratch at my face since I don’t have another arm to pin across his chest and I don’t know how helpful Taekwoon would be in these circumstances – he’s standing in the middle of the cell looking like his soul has just left his body, so I think I called it right.

I haven’t really actually choked anyone with my thighs before but Hakyeon taught me how to fight and he taught me well – so, new life experiences. I’m actually worried I’m squeezing too hard to compensate for his struggling but the moment the guard slumps unconscious and I can hear his heart start to calm down I let go.

“Hyung!”

He jerks into action and grabs the key the guard dropped when he hit the bed, unlocking the cuff that’s chaining me to the wall and I’m off the bed the moment the metal falls open. This is the first time Taekwoon’s seen me on my own two feet and he looks at me in surprise as I look – _down_ – at him.

“Taller than you!” I crow. I haven’t felt this good literally since the day they brought me here. “Help me get his pants off.”

“Remember, it’s down the stairs till you hit the ground floor and then you need to turn right,” he reminds me as we strip the guard and I shrug out of my prison cell couture. I’m not wearing anything underneath – obviously – and Taekwoon gets an eyeful of the family jewels before he stutters and looks away.

I pull on the guard’s jacket and pants – they don’t fit me _at all_. He’s shorter and narrower than I am and it’s so uncomfortable – I don’t know how his shoes are going to fit me either and Taekwoon is looking at me in panic when the first explosion hits.

We can _feel_ it, in the floor. It’s muffled, the boom, and yet shocks us so badly Taekwoon involuntarily reaches out for me. What the _fuck?_

The second one is even louder than the first and I really don’t know what to do apart from grab Taekwoon and drag him out of the cell with me. To hell with the plan – some other shit is going down and I’m not going to wait around to see what it is. A guard running past nearly slams into me and shouts at me to get to the lobby – I guess he’s in no shape to see that clearly this uniform doesn’t belong to me – and he doesn’t even stop to see if I follow.

“What about the guard-”

“Leave him!”

We run into the stairwell and are about to start taking them two at a time when I stop Taekwoon.

“Wait, wait. Where did you say Hongbin and Wonsik hyungs are?”

“Upstairs, but – Sanghyuk, we can’t get them out, we don’t have the keys to their cells.” He’s having to shout at me over the warning alarm that’s started to go off. “You need to meet up with Hakyeon and come back with help-”

And then it hits me so hard I nearly sway on the spot – and I can’t believe I didn’t realise it earlier.

“Why are you laughing?” Taekwoon stares at me, and I know he’s already too on-edge to deal with all of this right now so I struggle to stop – I’m a little hysterical, but understandably so.

“Hyung,” I say, gripping his arm with my one good hand. “This _is_ Hakyeon.”

*

We’re inching our way back to Sanghyuk’s cell. I’m so terrified I’m totally calm. If this really is Hakyeon – vampires with explosives, _god_ – then by Sanghyuk’s reasoning the best place to meet up with him is where Hakyeon expects him to be. There’s no one else on this floor – there are other cells but they’ve always been empty; waiting for more vampires in future, I always assumed – because all the guards save the one we’ve knocked out have run downstairs. Or at least I think so – I peep in to check and with a shock I see he’s no longer there. Which means someone’s going to figure out very soon what I’ve done. I’m really all in now.

Sanghyuk is keeping a tight hand on my arm like he’s afraid I’m going to run off or suddenly lose it or something – it’s heartening while at the same time I also feel like it’s to protect me from any of the vampires he thinks are here: _mine_ , the grip says. It’s not as reassuring as it sounds.

“Don’t worry,” Sanghyuk tells me. He can hear my heart slamming in my chest. I _hate_ that.

“How long should we wait?” I hiss back at him. “The guards are going to come back into the building soon enough. How would he even know the layout of this place-”

“We’re going to wait,” he tells me – _tells_ me, not suggests to me or asks me – _tells_ me.

“Sanghyuk, listen to me. We could walk right out of here this moment – in the chaos that must be happening downstairs nobody’s going to notice us slipping away. But the longer we stay here the sooner they’re going to regroup and order more security to come back into the building to clear it. Then you go back into that cell and _I go into a different one_.”

“We’re going to _wait_ ,” he snaps at me, stubborn as anything, and I angrily shake off his hand.

“You already thought he was coming for you once and he didn’t. I’m sticking my neck out for you here-”

“Go, then!”

“I’m not going without you!”

I’m rather proud of that comeback. I checkmated him; he’s glaring at me while frowning like he can’t decide how to react, and he’s just opened his mouth to form an answer when there are footsteps and suddenly, Hakyeon is here.

Hakyeon and three others round the corner from the direction of the stairwell and stop short at the sight of the two of us, just like my heart’s threatening to do at the sight of Hakyeon. I don’t even need to be told which one he is – he’s leading them and his mouth and chin are _covered in blood_.

Sanghyuk makes a desperate noise and runs towards him – straight into his arms, and all I can think of as I watch them in a daze is that the blood on Hakyeon is getting on Sanghyuk. Whose blood is that? Who did he kill?

Sanghyuk is hugging Hakyeon like he never wants to let go, but Hakyeon opens his eyes after a few beats and stares straight at me. I belatedly become aware that two of the other vampires have what looks like Hongbin – I recognise his hair – and what must be Wonsik propped up against their sides, both of them barefoot just like Sanghyuk. Wonsik isn’t conscious – Hongbin hardly looks any better.

Hakyeon is still staring at me, and I’m trying very, very hard not to panic. A voice is telling me just to run – staying here is only going to mean my death. It’s me against six vampires, one already covered in blood, and one who hasn’t eaten today no matter how much I might think of him less as a predator and more as a – friend? Is that what Sanghyuk is to me?

Suddenly I feel very, very stupid.

Sanghyuk finally releases Hakyeon and turns to see Hakyeon still watching me. There is a smear of blood on Sanghyuk’s cheek that I can’t look away from. _Whose blood is that?_

“We need to go,” Hakyeon says, not moving an inch. “Sanghyuk.”

“Taekwoon is coming too,” Sanghyuk says, and for the first time I see tentativeness in the way he’s talking to Hakyeon; so different from how he was talking to me just moments before.

“What do you mean? He’s human.”

“He helped me escape. If we leave him they’re just going to arrest him, hyungnim. He tried to save me.”

 _Hyungnim_ , I think. Also what is _tried to save_ him supposed to mean? My plan would have worked fine without this Hakyeon waltzing in and taking all the credit –

“It’s out of the question.”

“Please,” Sanghyuk implores, and Hakyeon catches sight of his bandaged wrist for the first time.

“What happened-”

“Later, hyungnim. Please. I owe him.”

“Hyukkie-”

“ _Please._ ”

Hakyeon rolls his eyes in an exasperated gesture that I can relate to if not sympathise with.

“Hyung, we need to go,” the one vampire not holding either Hongbin or Wonsik says softly.

“Fine. Come on. And keep up,” Hakyeon bites out with one last razor-sharp look at me.

Sanghyuk holds out his good hand to me, and in three steps I’m close enough to take it. _Hyukkie_.

*


	9. Chapter 9

We take the stairs all the way down the rear of the building, the two vampires holding Hongbin and Wonsik having to lift them off their feet to keep up with Hakyeon. Sanghyuk keeps a tight grip on my hand but the hold is not as reassuring as it should be – I feel like I’m being tugged helplessly along like a kite instead of willingly walking side by side because part of my brain hasn’t stopped yelling at me to turn back and run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.

What am I _doing?_

One vampire – one Sanghyuk – in a cell I could deal with, especially since said vampire had seemed to come to trust me and wasn’t interested in hurting or eating me. But now one has turned into six vampires that I’m going to be stuck with; maybe even more of them? For how long? _Where?_ Why did I think I would be safer with them than taking my chances on my own? I could say I’d been glamoured by Sanghyuk to counter whatever the attacked guard may tell of my part in helping Sanghyuk escape – insist on my story and play the innocent victim until they believe me. _Even if_ the vampires they were holding should not have been able to glamour anybody because of the poisoned blood they were fed. _Even if_ the CCTVs would have captured me leaving the cell and then coming back again with Sanghyuk – how would I explain that?

As if in answer, Sanghyuk adjusts his fingers entwined in mine and squeezes my hand slightly. It’s a tender lovers’ handhold, not a – whatever this is. I squeeze back, anyway, through the panic. If anything I think my ability to panic very quietly has to be some sort of talent. Oh – he can probably hear my heartbeat.

“Don’t be scared,” he says to me, as we wait in the stairwell for Hakyeon to see if the coast outside on the ground floor is clear. For Hakyeon to kill a few more people, maybe? To clear the path? If he comes back with more blood on him I’m going to lose it –

“I said don’t be scared,” Sanghyuk is frowning at me. “Your heart is so loud.”

I don’t even bother to answer him – does he think I bust vampires out of cells to become a traitor to my own government and then go gallivanting off with even more vampires into the unknown every day?

“Don’t _worry_. Hakyeon hyung is really nice, you’ll like him a lot. And you’ll really like Hongbin and Wonsik hyungs too, they’re so much fun-”

“Come on,” Hakyeon ducks back into the stairwell door and interrupts Sanghyuk’s whispering that I wasn’t really paying attention to – the vampire supporting Wonsik was staring right at me, raising goosebumps all along my arms.

Hakyeon has the type of tone that sounds like he isn’t used to being disobeyed – not arrogant, but in charge. I find myself moving even though all I want is a minute to _think_ about what I’m doing before I do something I can’t come back from; or maybe that time has already passed. I’m crazy. I really must be crazy.

There is a body lying just beyond the stairwell door and I flinch so hard at the sight of the dead guard that Sanghyuk almost loses hold of me. Is this man’s blood the blood on Hakyeon’s mouth? Did one of the other two kill him? Hakyeon doesn’t even pause. We sweep through the back lobby and out into the night sky before running to the perimeter fence that contains the entire facility. There’s noise and shouting coming from around the front, and when I turn back for a moment I can see fire illuminating the night sky – multiple fires – and I don’t want to think about how many other people may be lying dead or hurt because of the explosions but I do anyway. It all feels like it’s happening outside of me a thousand miles away, like if I close my eyes for long enough I will find myself back in that cell with Sanghyuk making some snide remark and grinning at me. Only Sanghyuk would still be chained, and captive, and Wonsik and Hongbin would still be tortured, and –

I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.

“Here,” Hakyeon takes Wonsik onto his back and holds his arms tight with one hand. “We’re going over. Jungyeop, you take him.”

I don’t realise which ‘him’ Hakyeon means until the vampire called Jungyeop takes one of my arms and slings it over his shoulder and chest, pulling me onto his back like I weigh nothing.

“Wait-” I protest, and it’s useless, of course. Jungyeop starts climbing the fence while Hakyeon is still asking Sanghyuk on the ground if he can make it.

“Of course I can,” I hear Sanghyuk tell Hakyeon indignantly, and part of me wants to fume at being transported this way like a sack of potatoes while another part of me is glad they didn’t expect me to do this on my own. The vampire – Jungyeop – carrying me is moving inexplicably fast and I’m holding on to him for dear life – this fence is nearly five metres high.

If someone sees us and starts shooting – the guards don’t have guns but I’m sure the police must be here by now – I’ll be the one to get it in the back. That’s the thought my brain chooses to fixate on: that I’m going to be shot in the back at any minute and I will die, dead before I hit the ground. Is saving Sanghyuk worth dying for?

I don’t get shot and I don’t die. We’re all over the fence and down on the other side in barely five minutes, and then Hakyeon passes Wonsik back to Jungyeop and we’re moving again. I try to calm down; I’m part of this now for better or for worse, and I have to trust that Sanghyuk is going to look out for me. Now that he isn’t holding my hand anymore I miss it; he’s up front with Hakyeon walking by his side, and I feel so horribly out of place it’s almost like a physical ache.

I don’t know what I’m heading towards at all.

We make our way silently across one back alley – me struggling to keep up – until Hakyeon slows down in front of a black car – not spanking new and not old; not flashy but not an eyesore; discreet.

“You can drive?” I blurt out before I can engage my brain.

“What were you expecting us to do? Fly?” Hakyeon answers sarcastically, and I see the reproachful look Sanghyuk gives him.

“Sit up front,” Hakyeon tells him, and it dawns on me I’m going to be squashed in the back with four vampires, one unconscious. He must have noticed my expression because he scoffs. “Too bad. We didn’t realise we were going to have one extra.”

Hakyeon gets into the driver’s seat without another look at me, Sanghyuk opening the door on the passenger’s side. The remaining four of us awkwardly try to fit into the backseat – not-Jungyeop finally manoeuvring Wonsik to lie across our laps. I get his bruised and cut-up feet, and I try my best not to look at them too closely. The other two vampires are acting like they’re choosing not to see me because that’s easier than to try to work through why I’m there.

Hongbin is still very much out of it, but he reaches out to take one of Wonsik’s hands and holds it so tightly if he were alive his knuckles would be white. _I did the right thing. This is right. They don’t deserve to be in that place._

I look up to see Sanghyuk watching me through the rear-view mirror as Hakyeon starts the car.

“Where are we going?” I mouth at him.

“Hyungnim? Where are we going?” he asks Hakyeon. “Home?”

“No. You all need to feed.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes flick back to meet mine in the mirror which are wide with alarm. “We’re going to our Givers,” he says quickly, and I hate the thought that every single vampire in the car can hear my nervous beating heart, lush with blood.

*

When humans, actual humans like me, open the door to the apartment and greet us I feel so relieved my knees nearly give out. They’re a slightly older couple – married, I realise – and they anxiously welcome us all into their house like they’ve been expecting us all night. The lady hugs Sanghyuk with a soft pained cry at the sight of his hand, holding him like he’s something precious she nearly lost.

I try to stay out of everyone’s way, standing on the fringes. I see the husband look at me questioningly a few times, but I quickly avert my gaze and nobody bothers to introduce me in the bother over Wonsik and Hongbin. It must be blaringly obvious I’m not a vampire and was not part of the plan.

They put Wonsik and Hongbin in separate rooms – one’s a girl’s room and one looks like it belongs to a boy, but I’m not sure – and Hongbin tries to protest being apart from Wonsik but Hakyeon begins speaking to him in a low, quick voice and Hongbin subsides. The husband of the pair goes into Hongbin’s room and closes the door, then, while Hakyeon stands over Wonsik in his borrowed bed and frowns, worried lines appearing on his forehead. The blood on his face is gone – he must have quickly cleaned up.

“Can he feed?” Sanghyuk asks, concerned. “He’s barely conscious. They must have given him a strong dose of holy water, that’s what they were mixing into the blood they fed me-”

Hakyeon gives him a disgusted look and runs his hands over his face.

“I can try,” the lady offers, getting up from the sofa. “I’ll sit by him until he does. I’ll try with a blood bag first.”

“Thank you,” Hakyeon says, the words short but emotional. None of that depth of feeling is left once he raises his head and turns on me.

“What were you people doing to them?”

“It wasn’t him-” Sanghyuk cuts in quickly. “He’s just a demonologist, he wasn’t involved in the experiments at all.”

Hakyeon coldly eyes him and then me, and then nods at Jungyeop and the other vampire who have been waiting by the door. “Thank you. I think we’re good here. Send my regards and thanks to Junho.”

They leave, and when I look at Sanghyuk I realise he’s just as nervous as I am – and that doesn’t do anything to help calm me. He’s always spoken of Hakyeon like a father figure or a hero, and I don’t know why he’s acting right now like he’s scared of Hakyeon – scared of what Hakyeon will do to me?

The moment the two other vampires leave Hakyeon walks up to Sanghyuk and takes him into his arms; unexpectedly for us both because I realise I’ve been bracing myself for a tongue-lashing the moment he saw me and Sanghyuk together in the facility, and clearly so has Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk melts into him, however, and Hakyeon doesn’t let go even long after Sanghyuk has started to feel self-conscious about me awkwardly standing there watching them and begins to squirm in Hakyeon’s arms until Hakyeon lets him go reluctantly.

“I am so glad you’re safe,” Hakyeon tells him, gently taking his injured hand in both of his.

“Thanks to him,” Sanghyuk nods at me, and then realises what he’s said. “I mean – and you, of course-”

“We need to talk,” Hakyeon replies, tone flat. “Alone.”

*

I don’t know why I feel so nervous. I mean, I _do_ , but Hakyeon hyung will be reasonable about this, and not jump to conclusions. I know he will.

“What is he _doing_ here, Hyukkie?” He rounds on me the moment the door to the master bedroom is closed. “Why do we need to hide him?”

“Because he helped me knock out my guard so I could get out of my cell, but the guard woke up and escaped. And he’s all over the CCTVs following me and then you around. There’s no way he’s going to get off free. Probably the minute he tries to go back to work or go home he’s going to be arrested. They probably think he’s a traitor, or something-”

“Why didn’t you just kill the guard?” Hakyeon hyung asks incredulously and I know he’s right. I also know why I didn’t do it.

“Not in front of him,” I protest and immediately regret it.

“Hyukkie,” He’s staring piercingly at me, shaking his head slowly. “No. Not this again.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I frown at him. “He helped me when he didn’t have to. We had no idea you were coming-”

“ _No idea?_ I was in your dreams almost every night telling you I was coming. That kind of magic isn’t easy or cheap.”

“How was I supposed to know it was real?” I plead. “I thought I was going crazy. They just stuck me in that cell with nothing to do, and they-” I stop, because I don’t know why but I can’t say it. I feel like putting it in words will hurt him more than it did me. _They cut me open and cut off my hand._

“Hyungnim, I’m not asking for much. Just keep him safe from the humans that are sure to be after him now. He’s on our side, I promise you.”

“Sanghyuk,” He begins, and he only ever calls me Sanghyuk when things are serious or he’s mad at me. “He’s _human_. How are we supposed to keep him? He’s not a pet. He needs to eat real food and go out in the sun and meet his family and friends – how long do you think this is going to go on for?”

“I don’t know,” I shake my head, frustrated. “I just know that for now I need to repay him for trying to get me out of that place. I can’t abandon him.”   

He just looks at me. “We’re staying here for as long as Wonsik and Hongbin are still unable to move around by themselves. Then we’re going home. You have until then to figure out what to do with him.”

“That’s fine,” I say, because it feels like this is the best I’m going to get for now. “Thank you, hyungnim.”

He shakes his head at me. “It drove me crazy, you and your ‘hyungnim’ nonsense. Now I’m just so glad to hear you say it again.

Sit down. Tell me everything.”

So I sit next to him on the bed and it all comes out. How I got caught, what I saw when I woke up, what they did to me – the doctors and the witches, and he hisses under his breath when I mention them – and then how I met Taekwoon and how he started to trust me, and I him, and – Hakyeon hyung’s looking at me with that Look again, so I tone it down and wrap it up. I feel bad that I can’t tell him what Taekwoon meant to me in there, but I can’t have him suspicious about my motives. I’m not – this is not about that. I don’t have feelings for him. If I ever have feelings for another human, god! I might as well just kill myself.

When we come out we see Taekwoon sitting very awkwardly opposite Jungmo, who seems to have finished with Hongbin hyung’s feeding and is trying to discover what this unexpected human is doing here in his house.

“How is he?” Hakyeon hyung asks Jungmo, and Taekwoon is visibly relieved by the interruption.

“Fed well. He’s asleep now,” he replies with a smile. He’s always had a soft spot for Hongbin hyung. “What _happened_ to them? To Sanghyuk?”

“Government initiative,” Hakyeon purses his lips, but says nothing further. “Sanghyuk. You need to feed.”

And then he looks right at Taekwoon.

The look of fear that jumps to Taekwoon’s face isn’t unpredictable at all, but I can’t stop the pang of disappointment that runs through me as he looks to me in alarm and I automatically start to protest on his behalf. I don’t know why I want to drink him; because I feel close to him? Because I feel like we owe each other something? He’s given me enough already – this isn’t exactly a gift back.

“I’ll have a few blood bags,” I say quickly. “We don’t have that kind of arrangement.”

“So he expects to stay here for free?” Hakyeon asks, innocent as anything. Fuck, I’d forgotten how dangerous he can be because I haven’t seen this side of him for years. He’s _testing_ Taekwoon.

“I-” Taekwoon starts, blood flushing his cheeks prettily. “If he really needs-“

“What?” I ask, startled.

“If you really need to,” he repeats faintly, and I can hear his heart pounding so loudly in fear that it almost drowns everything else out.

“No, hyung,” and I register the sharp look Hakyeon sends my way at my usage of _hyung_ the same moment Taekwoon swallows in relief. _Not like this, anyway. Voluntarily or not at all._

“Bagged blood is not as good as fresh,” Hakyeon muses, looking at my bandaged hand.

“It’ll do,” I say, and I put as much warning as I dare into my voice. Hakyeon raises an eyebrow at me almost imperceptively.

“It’s too bad Sungjae and Namjoo have gone home for their college vacation,” Jungmo says obliviously, and the three of us turn to look at him. Jungmo blinks. “So that – Sanghyuk could have fed. No?”

“Too bad,” Hakyeon agrees, voice silky.

*

I’m sleeping on the couch.

I – or rather my presence – has been explained to both Jungmo and Chungha, which I have finally found out are the names of the couple whose apartment we’re all crashing. Hakyeon has gone out – I don’t know where – and Sanghyuk is in Wonsik’s room so that I can sleep, and I am on the couch. Obviously, I _can’t_ sleep.

Sunggyu started trying to call me about an hour ago. I panicked and switched off my phone. I don’t know if they can trace me using it but it’s the _government_ I’m running from and now every single political conspiracy theory seems to make sense.

I’m wearing Jungmo’s clothes – I had a shower and they gave me dinner while Hakyeon drilled me about every single detail I knew about the ministry and the facility, especially the witches. I’m not sure if he knows something I don’t about them but he seemed specifically interested in why they would be helping humans do this to a member of their – for lack of a better word, species. Demons apparently do not flock together as well as similarly-feathered birds.

Hakyeon’s trying to push me as far as he can push without being overtly hostile; I want to hate him for it, but it’s obvious why he’s doing it and I can’t fault him for that. I would be wary of me too, so I bite my tongue and try not to rise to his bait. Sanghyuk looks miserable, though, or maybe that’s just me projecting.

I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep. All I have with me is my phone and my work bag which is now useless to me – I have no extra clothes of my own or anything. This is not how I imagined ending up when I left home this morning.

What if they question my family? What if they seize my house? What if this has truly made me a fugitive – never able to see my loved ones again, always on the run, always having to hide –

Movement in the corner of my eye gives me a shock, and the figure stops to stare at me. It’s Hongbin, I realise, coming out of his room and silently padding into Wonsik’s.

“Jung Taekwoon,” he whispers, and I’m amazed he remembers. “Why are you here?”

“Long story,” I end up saying, stupidly. He looks at me for a beat longer, and then carefully opens the door to Wonsik’s room. I think back to hearing his low but urgent pleading not to be put in a separate room from Wonsik earlier and everything Sanghyuk has told me about them comes rushing back. _I’ve never seen love like that._

I get up slowly, quietly, willing my feet not to make any sound though I know it’s useless, but I can’t help wanting to see. Sanghyuk is getting up quickly from lying beside Wonsik – moonlight coming in from the window is all I can see by and I cannot tell if he looks any better from a few hours ago or not – Chungha said he drank a blood bag but couldn’t take anything else.

I stay just outside the doorway not wanting to intrude but Sanghyuk sees me, of course. None of the three need light to see by and my heartbeat is announcing my presence anyway – I consider a moment leaving, but Sanghyuk is already making his way over to me as Hongbin slowly climbs into bed with Wonsik, favouring his right side. I don’t really want to know what special injuries he has there.

Hongbin just looks at Wonsik, and I’m so absorbed by the concentration I can see on his face that I’m hardly distracted by Sanghyuk coming to stand next to me. Hongbin then lowers his forehead to Wonsik’s cheek, resting it there, one arm across Wonsik’s chest.

Sanghyuk and I watch him and there’s somehow so much in that small gesture that it makes me look away. How much it must have killed them both to see the other hurt every day for weeks – were they taken before Sanghyuk? After? The same night?

Sanghyuk slips fingers around my wrist and tugs me away.

The kitchen is filled with the same moonlight, and it feels like a dream. The silence, the darkness, my fatigue lying on me like a thick blanket, and the vampire before me.

“They’ll heal,” he whispers, and I nod dumbly. “I’ll heal, too. I didn’t get the chance to thank you.”

“I’m starting to think I didn’t really do anything,” I whisper back, thinking about Hakyeon. “I have just made a really big mess of my life.”

He looks at me quietly. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. My colleague tried to call me earlier – I don’t know if he’s worried for me or he was told to find me. I don’t think I have a job left. I don’t know if I can go home.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Sanghyuk tells me, braver and surer than I feel. I don’t know what to do with this assurance or this implication that _him and I_ are now a _we_ for better or worse – what side does that mean I’m on? Whom have I betrayed exactly?

I point at his hair.

“It’s so long now.”

“Yeah,” he ducks his head, running his hands through it. “It’s the longest it’s been in years. I feel like a hippie.”

“I can help you cut it,” I offer. “One of my sisters went through a phase where she wanted to be a hairdresser and forced me to help her practice. It won’t be perfect but I can make it neat.”

“Really?” he smiles at me in the moonlight.

*

Sanghyuk isn’t prepared for how good it feels when Jaehwan sinks down on him, body slick with rose oil and Jaehwan’s own blood running through Sanghyuk’s veins, heating his skin and making him hard. The tiny wounds in Jaehwan’s neck are still leaking scarlet drops against pale skin.

Jaehwan throws his head back as he gets used to the feeling of Sanghyuk inside him, Sanghyuk’s own fists clenched in the sheets and eyes tightly shut. He didn’t think he could feel this – feel this so acutely, this overwhelming rush of pleasure so intense it’s almost pain. Jaehwan’s breaths and moans and whimpers fill the space in his head the same way Jaehwan’s heartbeat and scent surround him completely. He can’t see anything but Jaehwan, can’t feel or hear or touch anything that isn’t him.

Jaehwan is his first, in so many ways.

Jaehwan leans down to kiss Sanghyuk and begins moving his hips, making Sanghyuk mewl into Jaehwan’s parted lips.

“You’ve never done this before,” Jaehwan says breathlessly, caressing Sanghyuk’s face. “Am I right?”

Sanghyuk shakes his head, opening his eyes and looking up helplessly at Jaehwan. Jaehwan’s laughter is bright in his ears, like a trail of light behind his eyes.

“You feel good,” Jaehwan pants. “Touch me.”

Jaehwan guides his hands and his mouth, hands in Sanghyuk’s hair and gripping Sanghyuk’s arms so tightly his fingernails raise little crescent-shaped wounds that heal over in an instant. The candlelight flickers over Jaehwan’s sweat-slick body as Sanghyuk lays him down on his back as told and holds him close, the sounds Jaehwan is making in his ear driving out any coherent thought as he chases the irresistible pleasure building in his body so strong he can feel it in his toes to the tips of his fingers. Jaehwan takes it well even as Sanghyuk half-worries at the back of his mind if he’s being too rough, but Jaehwan doesn’t let him slow down.

“Bite me,” Jaehwan gasps.

“What?” Sanghyuk draws back slightly.

 “Bite me. Do it.”

Jaehwan cries out at the pain and Sanghyuk cannot think anymore – Jaehwan’s blood, rich, dark, red, full, animal, feeding the demon and spreading through his veins as Jaehwan’s hands and heels pull him inside Jaehwan’s body deeper to a searing heat and saturated light; and Sanghyuk comes harder than he’s ever done in his life, pressing his hips to the hilt into Jaehwan as he feels Jaehwan scrabbling for purchase on his own cock between their bodies to follow him soon after, trembling uncontrollably.

Sanghyuk doesn’t even realise he’s babbling the words _I love you_ over and over until Jaehwan begins to smile at him.

“One good lay and you get all moony-eyed,” Jaehwan teases, kissing Sanghyuk’s jaw. “I did not think I’d be your first.”

“And last,” Sanghyuk declares fervently. Jaehwan just laughs at him.

*


	10. Chapter 10

“-and they are not going to stop until they have consolidated power completely,” Hakyeon finishes, watching him. Sanghyuk tries to look surprised, knows he needs to pretend that this is the first time he’s hearing about the dangerous palace politics but he is a beat too slow. The damp cloth he was cleaning himself with is forgotten in his hand; the way Hakyeon is looking at him like he’s trying to soften the blow about the danger he has found out Jaehwan’s in makes Sanghyuk feel even worse.

“You already know this,” Hakyeon blinks, drawing back a little. “You already know!”

Sanghyuk looks at Hakyeon helplessly. “He told me everything the first night we met. He knows, too.”

“So you are aware it’s only a matter of time before they come for him?” Hakyeon’s voice has taken on a new edge now – and it’s sharp. “And you still decided to keep seeing him?”

“I can save-”

“No, you _can’t_ ,” Hakyeon’s voice is like a whip and Sanghyuk’s words die on his tongue in shock. “What are you going to do? Smuggle him out of the palace? Be his own personal guard and protect him from every hidden danger until they come to kill you too?”

“Hyungnim, I-” Sanghyuk begins, still reeling inside from Hakyeon’s tone.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Hakyeon turns and goes back to his bed.

“Please don’t speak to me like I’m a stupid child,” Sanghyuk says, voice low and hurt, and he knows he’s not imagining the apologetic slump in Hakyeon’s shoulders.

“He’s human, Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon says after a while, looking briefly back at Sanghyuk over his shoulder. “Think carefully about what that means.”

*

Sanghyuk’s sitting by the sofa Taekwoon’s still asleep on, waiting for him to wake up. I’m already feeling the pull of the morning sun so I imagine it must be worse for Sanghyuk but he’s still refusing to go to sleep until the human wakes up.

I cannot believe this situation we are in right now.

I have one child terribly injured but steadily on the mend – two adopted ones going through the worst of it but thankfully whole and slowly recovering – and one human I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with thrown in together with us and of all of this the biggest problem I can’t help feeling is _what if Sanghyuk is doing it again._ I can’t let him go through what he did with Jaehwan once more. Is he doing this as some kind of proxy for Jaehwan? Because he couldn’t save him so now he needs to make it up with this human? I thought he’d been over the prince a long time now. Is this just a need for closure that he didn’t get all those years ago or is it something more?

The ‘something more’ is what scares me.

A yelp from the sofa makes me look over and Sanghyuk has gotten what he wanted – Taekwoon is clutching his chest in barely-awake shock while Sanghyuk sniggers at whatever way he’s managed to jolt him awake.

“Good morning,” Sanghyuk chirps happily at him, and – I nearly lost this boy. I’m reminded every time I look at him.

The past few weeks have been hell. First Sanghyuk, then as if that wasn’t bad enough, Wonsik and Hongbin – I don’t think Sanghyuk really understands what I’ve been through trying to find out what happened to them and then planning how to get them back. I didn’t know if I would ever see any of the three of them again. And now they’re back, and –

“What are you doing?”

Both of their heads snap up to look at me, Sanghyuk alarmed and Taekwoon obliviously holding his phone he’s just turned on and is looking through. He freezes when he sees what I’m staring at.

“I’m sorry – habit when I wake up – I just want to see who’s been trying to contact me-”

His phone keeps buzzing distractedly, and Sanghyuk leans closer to him to see the messages and notifications coming in. It’s much too close – too comfortable.

“Your parents have been calling you,” Sanghyuk murmurs at him and Taekwoon hardens his mouth into a straight line.

“Turn off your phone!” I cry out, exasperated. “You don’t know how they may be tracking you! Are you that stupid?”

“It’s not like I tried to call them back-” he begins but I’m not having it. Not after what I’ve just found out.

“The government has sent out witches and hunters after the four of you,” I say, and the way their expressions drop is so satisfying. Sometimes – just _sometimes_ – I wish people would listen to me from the start. “When I went out I called up every contact I have. They’re serious about catching you. Hunters – we can avoid. Witches are a completely different matter.”

Sanghyuk looks afraid, and it’s tugging at my heart. I don’t want to scare him, not after what he’s just gone through, but – this is our reality now.

“Three vampires and a human,” I continue, pinning Taekwoon with one of my best stares. “Vampires to be captured alive, human not necessarily so.”

“What?” Taekwoon half-sits up, going pale.

“There’s a bounty on your head, dead or alive,” I tell him flatly. “So get smart.”

“Witches, hyungnim?” Sanghyuk asks, tone worried. “How are we going to-”

“We aren’t,” I cut him off. “Once your hyungs are recovered enough we’re leaving Korea until this dies down. We need to be very, very careful in the meantime.”

“Leaving Korea,” Sanghyuk repeats slowly. And then turns to look at Taekwoon.

*

Hakyeon leaves to go into Hongbin’s room – now that Hongbin’s moved to Wonsik’s room I think it’s an unspoken agreement he’s not going back to his own bed. I don’t know if they’ve slept the whole night – their day – but if they have that sounds reassuring. My mother always said sleep is the best thing for a body that isn’t doing well.

My mother. I sigh, closing my eyes, and cold fingers touch mine.

“I need to let my family know what’s happening,” I say – _whisper –_ in case Hakyeon’s listening. “I have to write them a letter or something. I don’t know what the ministry has told them and it’s killing me.”

I don’t want to think about the whole _leaving Korea_ thing just yet. I don’t know if that applies to me as well – if I was reading Hakyeon’s tone right I’m pretty sure it doesn’t – and I don’t even know if I want to leave Korea if he can be persuaded to let me come along. Leave and go where? How? For how long? The government wasted no time in contacting my parents – what about my friends? Has everyone close to me been told I’m a traitor they need to turn in if they manage to find out where I am?

I’m a wanted man, oh god. I am actually on the run from the government – if it wasn’t real to me last night it’s real to me now.

Sanghyuk gets up from the carpet to sit beside me on the sofa, and I can see him fighting the sleep threatening to overtake him.

“I can help?” he says – asks – and I don’t know what to do. “I can give them the letter, if you want to write to them. Or whatever else. But Hakyeon hyung cannot know.”

“No, you shouldn’t leave the house,” I shake my head vehemently. “They’re after you too. I can – maybe Chungha or Jungmo can help- no, they’re already at risk. I don’t know, I can – email?”

“I think they can track that too,” Sanghyuk mumbles, and he’s really just one breath away from sleep.

I move so that he can lie down on the sofa, and we’ve exchanged positions – me on the floor looking at him stretched out on the too-short-for-him (and me) couch.

“I want to help,” he whispers, eyes already closed. “Let me help.”

I’m sure he’s already asleep by the time I lift my hand to push back the hair falling into his eyes.

*

I don’t think I’m imagining the look of relief on Taekwoon’s face when he notices me finally wake up half an hour after the sun has set fully. I’m not sure how he’s been occupying his time while both Jungmo and Chungha are at work and the rest of us are asleep – though I’m sure he’s glad not to have to spend time with Hakyeon.

He was sitting at the foot of the sofa flipping through a book he must have found somewhere, but immediately shoves it aside once I nudge him with my foot.

“Do you all really have to sleep for so long?” he grumbles, and I pretend to yawn and close my eyes once again. He knows I’m teasing him, and the pinches along my side he gives me are soft punishment.

“You said you’d cut my hair,” I say, pushing back my fringe and playing with the edges. “Have you eaten and washed up?”

“Yeah, they left food for me,” he nods. “I don’t think they really understand why I’m here but they’re being nice to me all the same.”

“Are you sure you washed up?” I sniff disapprovingly in his direction, and he glares. I grin. This is – nice. This feels normal, like we’re not on the run or hiding for our lives.

We find a stool and newspapers in the storeroom and he makes me sit on it, covering the floor with the papers to catch the hair as it falls. He also cuts a hole for my head and makes me wear one big newspaper sheet like a poncho so I don’t end up covered in hair and god, if Hakyeon walks in right now I’d love to see the look on his face.

“Where’s Hakyeon hyung?” I ask, smoothing down my newspaper poncho as Taekwoon rummages in the kitchen drawers looking for scissors.

“Already gone out,” he answers. “But not before telling me again in no uncertain terms not to turn on my phone and not to leave the house.”

“Where did he go?”

“I didn’t _ask_ ,” Taekwoon replies testily. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but we don’t really have that kind of relationship.”

“So sassy,” I grin, and he solemnly snips the kitchen scissors he’s found at me in warning. “Kitchen scissors? Really?”

“Unless you know where they keep the regular kind this is going to have to be good enough. Trust me, okay?”

I make a face at him and debate the pros and cons of leaving my hair long like this until I can get to a real salon – with everything going on I have no idea when that’s going to be and I don’t really want to have to deal with having my fringe in my eyes and growing ever longer until I end up looking like an upside-down mop. I might be cute with a ponytail, though, and I say as much to Taekwoon.

“Eh, I can’t imagine you with tied-up hair,” he cocks his head at me.

“You’d look good like that, I think,” I say, putting just as much flirtiness I can into my voice so that I can still look innocent while teasing him. “Black hair. Ponytail. It’d be pretty hot.”

He gives me a weird look before mumbling – I think he really forgets sometimes I have superpowered hearing and saying things softly hoping I won’t hear them is useless – “I used to have long hair in uni. Tied it up into a ponytail and all.”

“Trying to look cool for the freshmen girls?” I bat my eyelashes at him. “Ooh, oppa-” He snips the scissors at me again, much closer to my nose this time. He’s blushing, though, and I let myself laugh at him. It feels so good to laugh sitting here in a familiar kitchen with my hyungs in their room taking their time to wake up, like always, and Hakyeon hyung out but restocking our blood or just generally taking care of business, like always. And now I have Taekwoon, too, to tease and to talk to, and it feels so comfortable and _right_. I knew I made the right choice by taking him with us – if I’d left him behind I would be worrying myself sick right now.

Taekwoon gets to work on my hair and my attempts to keep talking fall on deaf ears – looks like someone can’t multitask. When he has finished the back and starts working on the front of my hair I watch him through my bangs – his face of concentration, almost perfect skin, nicely-placed beauty mark just under one eye, kitten mouth. He really does have a kitten mouth – I never knew that actually was a real-life possibility. He has pretty fingers. _He’s_ pretty. I’ve only ever thought of Hongbin hyung in that respect; with his big eyes and dimples it’s clear he’s very pretty – how Wonsik hyung ever managed to snag him is beyond me – and now I’ve found someone else that fits the bill. Taekwoon looks delicate, almost. He would have fit right in with the nobles back in the royal courts – crown prince Taekwoon, in fine royal hanbok and long hair tied back. He’s certainly living in the wrong time, and I tell him so. He snorts at me, and then immediately makes a concerned face.

“What? What did you do?” I demand, my hand flying up to my head.

“Nothing,” he mutters, but I see right through his lies. I shrug off the newspaper and hustle into the bathroom, Taekwoon on my heels protesting that it isn’t ‘that bad’ – when I see myself in the mirror I nearly turn around and punch him.

“There’s a whole gap in my fringe!”

“My hand slipped a little,” he admits – is he _pouting_ right now? “But it really isn’t that bad! It looks edgy.”

“Edgy!”

I stare at myself in the mirror and Taekwoon trying to look innocent next to me – I’m still happy about being taller than him – and his face soon takes on a contemplative look.

“I thought vampires weren’t supposed to show up in mirrors,” he says, and I don’t know if he’s trying to distract me from my new ‘edgy’ haircut but he sounds genuinely intrigued. “It didn’t really click before when you were concerned about showing up in the CCTV footage at the facility, but my whole life I believed vampires didn’t have a reflection.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t have souls,” he says simply, looking honestly at me. “I suppose it’s meant to be symbolic.”

“What do you think?”

We look at each other in the mirror for a few moments and I feel like he’s trying to look under my skin right to the heart of me until he quirks his mouth. “I guess we’re less different than humans think.”

“Well, like I said before, humans have got a lot of things wrong about us. Especially in porn.”

Oh, I’ve got him. He looks like he’s going to bust a lung trying to keep his curiosity in.

“Like what?” he asks, trying his best to sound nonchalant. Hah!

“Well, when we _fuck_ ,” I turn to him, lowering my voice and taking my time over the words before stepping into his personal space. On cue: hitch of his breath, cheeks redden, and he takes an almost stumbling step backwards; and then – catches himself, and glares up at me. I grin.

“Yes?” he asks testily. “Go on?”

“We have no cum,” I say briskly, stepping back and frowning at my hair again in the mirror. “Look, you really have to do something about this fringe.”

“You mean you have no semen?” he picks up the scissors again but holds them absent-mindedly in his hand. “Wow. Well. Okay, makes sense, actually.”

“We can never understand why in all the vampire porn we’ve seen or read or heard about vampires still produce cum. We don’t even have real tears anymore. We don’t sweat, we don’t have any other kind of bodily fluids. Why would we have semen?”

“Then – when you, uh. You know. Just nothing comes out?”

“When I what?” I ask, pure as the driven snow.

“Sanghyuk.”

“What?”

“Don’t play with me. You know what I mean.”

“I don’t! I’m not playing with you. Unless you want me to.”

“ _Sanghyuk._ ”

“I really don’t know what you mean. When I what?”

“ _Orgasm._ ”

“Are you asking me what comes out of my dick when blow my figurative load?”

He turns and walks out of the bathroom and I follow, shaking from laughing too hard. I knew that was going to be too much for him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I obediently sit down on my stool again and primly wear my newspaper poncho. “Yes, nothing comes out. And please fix my hair, hyung.”

“Oh, finally your manners make an appearance,” he snipes, gently straightening my head and beginning to cut once more. He does the best he can, I suppose, and while I’m not entirely happy with how my hair ends up – he looks suitably apologetic – it’s better than having hair in my eyes all the time.

“Lucky I’m handsome,” I mutter. He rolls his eyes at me. “Come on, help me carry blood in to Hongbin and Wonsik hyungs.”

We clean up the newspaper carefully and get six blood bags from the fridge – we’re running low, no wonder Hakyeon went out – I knock on their door hoping they’re not doing anything gross like I’ve accidentally caught them doing too many times to mention and we go inside.

They’re murmuring something to each other, holding hands between their bodies – basically their typical sappy nonsense, but Taekwoon visibly _melts_. Honestly!

 “A _hem_ ,” I clear my throat exaggeratedly though I can’t help beaming. “Stop being disgusting.”

“Hyukkie,” Wonsik hyung breaks into a smile so wide I fear his face is going to split in two. His voice is still ragged and I don’t want my concern and alarm to show, but I don’t think I succeed. I had a good look at their injuries yesterday; whoever who did this to them deserves to die.

But for now – my Wonsik hyung is awake.

“You brought breakfast,” Hongbin hyung says, eyeing Taekwoon. “We even get a choice between fresh or bagged?”

“No,” I huff at him, though I know he’s teasing. “Hyungs, this is Taekwoon. He helped me escape from my cell before Hakyeon hyungnim came.”

“Yes, we’ve met,” Hongbin hyung replies as Wonsik hyung gives Taekwoon a little wave. “What does Hakyeon hyung have to say about you bringing home a human?”

I just give him a Look. He knows exactly what Hakyeon hyung would think about it – Hakyeon hyung probably is dying for a chance to fully rant to him about Taekwoon.

We give them their blood bags and wait until they drain three each, Wonsik hyung as usual complaining about having to drink cold blood, then take away the empty plastic bags. They’re not to leave their bed as per Hakyeon’s orders – I’m not sure they really can walk yet, to be honest, Wonsik hyung especially – so looks like I’m going to be playing the errand boy for now and I don’t mind _at all_.

“Have you eaten?” Hongbin hyung raises an eyebrow at me, eyes flicking to Taekwoon.

“Are you his new Giver?” innocent Wonsik hyung asks Taekwoon.

“No, he’s not,” I cut in, and shoot Hongbin hyung another Look. I can hear the rhumba of Taekwoon’s heart going and obviously so can they. “I’m going to eat now and give you two more alone time to be gross together as usual. Hakyeon hyung should be back later.”

“You should give us a little bell to ring when we need you,” Hongbin hyung says, grinning. I ignore him and sweep out loftily. I’m so, so glad they’re back my heart feels like it could burst – Taekwoon catches me smiling and ends up smiling too.

“And what happened to your hair?” Hongbin hyung calls out after me. I stop smiling. Dammit.

I bite into a fresh blood bag from the fridge before I wonder if I should change the bandages on my stump of a hand. There’s no real point to having them on; there’s no open wound, so the only reason why I’ve been keeping them on is so that everybody and me included don’t have to look at what my cut-off hand looks like. The bandages have a little dried blood on them – from Hakyeon last night, I think. He killed someone – I’ve pushed that right to the back of my mind.

“Do you want me to help you change the bandages?”

Taekwoon has seen me looking at my hand, and I honestly don’t know what to say. I’m not sure I want him to see my hand like this.

“I don’t know? It’s stupid to leave them on, but. I don’t know if people want to see it.”

“Can I?” he asks after a beat, and it’s not like I can say no to him. I don’t want to make a fuss about it but I also hate the idea of him seeing me like this – at least with the bandages on it looks like my hand is just injured, not totally gone. Wonsik and Hongbin hyungs didn’t even notice.

I shrug. At least I know he won’t make me feel worse about it.

He gently unwraps the bandages as I pretend to drink unconcernedly from my second blood bag held in my good hand – it’s my second day without drinking poisoned blood and I’d forgotten how sharper everything used to be. Sight, smell, hearing; it’s all coming back to me – Taekwoon is fucking HD in front of me right now and I can hear every breath he’s taking and smell the rich human scent of him. There’s something in the way he smells I really like but can’t put my finger on.

I focus very, very hard on making my fangs come – they don’t. I slump in disappointment.

“What is it?” Taekwoon asks, still cradling my hand gently in his. He’s going slow with the unwrapping on purpose, I think.

“All my other heightened senses are coming back to me except my fangs,” I mutter unhappily. “It’s a really strange feeling.”

The dirty bandages finally come off, and I almost want to laugh at the irony – no more hand, no more fangs.

Taekwoon holds my half-stump in a cup of his hands; the wrist socket has regenerated and a quarter of my palm, and I can make out the slightest bumps of fingers pushing through. It looks terrible and awkward and _wrong_ , and the longer it stays uncovered like this the more I want the bandages back.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, ghosting his fingers over the new skin.

“Not anymore.”

“It’ll grow back. Just like your fangs, they’ll come back.”

He sounds likes he’s trying to be confident for me and I’m reminded forcefully that to him – technically I’m younger than him. Is he really trying to be a hyung for me?

“What if my fangs never come back?”

“Would it be so bad?” he says carefully.

“I’d never be able to drink from someone again, so yeah,” I retort. “A blood bag can’t compare to fresh, warm blood. And I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t kill to feed, I have my Givers for that. So I’m not being callous here.”

“Maybe you need motivation,” he suggests, and then realises what he’s just said.

“Motivation?” I ask slowly, drawing out the word.

He’s blushing again – from embarrassment or what this time, I’m not sure – and gestures emptily in the air before baring his neck to me. “Come here. I’m not saying bite me! Just come here.”

I step closer to him, watching his face. “What are you doing?”

“Just – you can hear my heart, right? Hear my blood pumping? Listen. Smell, or whatever. Just don’t actually bite me.”

Well. This is a development.

I can’t say I haven’t thought about it – of course I have. I would drink from him in a heartbeat. And him offering himself to me like this – like foreplay without the actual sex. That’s the only analogy my brain can come up with right now because it’s going in decidedly physical routes and I can’t be blamed. I haven’t had fresh blood from the vein in far too long.

I take him lightly by the upper arm and feel him jump slightly. To be very honest – I’m so tempted but still cynical; I don’t think it’s going to work this easily but what if he’s right?

I lower my face to his neck and breathe in deep, my nose barely millimetres from his skin. He smells _so_ good – soap, skin, bloodwarmth – I let my eyes drift shut and my lips come to rest just above his pumping jugular vein. His heartbeat is racing; Jung Taekwoon is an interesting creature. Confident but nervous.

His heart sounds strong in my ears and with every beat his vein pumps blood in a new wave underneath my lips. I want to taste him so badly, especially with each moment that passes that makes him more nervous and his heartbeat even more insistent filling my head with the glorious rhythm of the alive. I touch the tip of my tongue to his skin – he jumps once more and his hands come to rest tentatively on my hips. I press down, feeling even more acutely the ebb and flow of blood rushing through his jugular and imagine the sounds he would make as that blood comes spilling into my mouth; rich, dark, unique. I shiver. I can’t help it.

But the fangs don’t come.

I pull back, feeling flat, and even the high colour in his cheeks can’t make me feel better. What if I’m broken permanently?

We hear keys in the lock at the same moment and we both move apart self-consciously, Taekwoon dropping his hands and me letting go of his arm. I know why I don’t want Hakyeon hyung to see us like this, so it’s interesting to note Taekwoon has an equally embarrassed response.

So Hakyeon comes into the apartment to find us both standing awkwardly in the kitchen and all it takes is one look for him to know something is up – he doesn’t know what, but it’s _something_. He narrows his eyes at me and I get busy picking up the bandages on the floor.

It takes me a few more moments to realise Hakyeon hyung hasn’t come home alone.

The fae walks into the middle of the apartment and sets down her bag on the coffee table. The power emanating from her is stunning; fae are old, way older than vampires and most demons, and nobody understands their magic. They can do things no other magical beings can – their mutual rivalry and hate for witches probably half-explains her presence here. I’m excited even though I have the urge to bury my nose in Taekwoon’s neck again – fae smell very uncomfortably  _wrong._

“Hello,” Taekwoon says hesitantly, and I remember that he can’t see her true form; to him she looks like just a normal human woman. I’m not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

“Come into the room with the other two,” Hakyeon tells us without preamble. “We’ve got a cleansing to do.”

*


	11. Chapter 11

My heart is still racing from what’s just happened with Sanghyuk, having him that close to me. I know I’m blushing stupidly and Hakyeon probably knows what we just did like how he apparently knows everything that happens _ever_. I’m pretty sure he hates the idea of Sanghyuk drinking from me – not that I’m ready to allow him to. That I even want him to. What would I have done if he’d managed to make his fangs come? Would he have bitten me? Would I have pushed him away?

Wonsik and Hongbin are already sitting up and waiting apprehensively by the time we come into their room – from the way Sanghyuk reacted to the woman – who is she?? – I’m looking for the same thing in their faces and I see it; Wonsik’s nostrils flare and Hongbin ducks his head slightly, blinking. I’m dying with curiosity and want to whine to please explain to the dumb human what’s going on because everybody else knows something I don’t regarding her – to me she looks absolutely normal. Jeans, loose blouse, quite pleasant smile if plain-looking. She brought in the bag she had with her and she’s busily taking out and laying on the bed – _bones?_

Hakyeon carefully takes Sanghyuk’s unbandaged stump in one hand – he flinches – and Hongbin hisses lowly through his teeth while Wonsik stares like he can’t look away. It’s clear they didn’t realise; they didn’t think under the bandages he’d be missing a whole hand. Sanghyuk tugs it away self-consciously and my heart hurts for him.

“I wondered why they were still working with the witches to find you because if they were just using an object that used to belong to Taekwoon from his office at the ministry any person with a basic spellbook could do it. They can’t use the clothes they captured you three in because you hadn’t been wearing them for weeks; the bond to you would have been too weak to tap into. So either they’re not sure if Taekwoon’s still with us or they’re using something much more failsafe and personal to track you. I’ve checked the both of you over-“ Hakyeon nods in Wonsik and Hongbin’s direction, “and nothing’s missing. They hurt you, but didn’t take anything. Not like him.”

It takes a moment to sink in before we get it.

“They’re using my – _hand_ to track us?” Sanghyuk asks, horrified. I instantly feel sick.

“I don’t know. But that’s the only answer I can come up with why witches are involved. That’s why she-“ Hakyeon bows slightly to her “is here.”

“It is likely,” she says, and – oh. Her voice is sharp as well as muted, musical as well as grating, clipped as well as flowing – it makes no sense at all and I’m reeling slightly from the shock of it but almost just as fast as I realise that her voice is different the knowledge leaves me, like it’s been wiped from my brain. Sanghyuk puts his good hand on my lower back to steady me, the pressure firm and comforting while I feel like I’m afloat at sea on a very rickety boat.

“Even though the cut-off hand would have rapidly decomposed after being severed from the demon’s magic it’s still the most powerful thing they could use. I am to cleanse the human as well?” she asks, continuing to lay out her bones on the bedspread and not looking at me. Those are human bones. I’m sure of it. Whose bones?? What for??

Hakyeon doesn’t answer for a second and Sanghyuk turns to give him a demanding look.

“Yes, the human too,” Hakyeon answers, too grudgingly for my liking. “A cleansing for all four of them.”

“I think what you need more is a shield,” she muses, adjusting the way some bones are lying even though I cannot see that they are in any specific pattern. “And wards for the house. When witches are determined…”

What she’s not saying worries Hakyeon even more than what she is saying, going by his frown. “What will that cost?”

“You have a human,” she shrugs. “I’m low on fresh human blood.”

“What?” Sanghyuk interrupts. “What exactly do you mean?”

She turns to look at him, and he – wow – he actually takes a step backwards, but squares his shoulders.

“Not that much. A cupful.” She smiles.

“Um,” I say, and Sanghyuk takes my hand behind my back. I latch on tight without a second thought – though is this supposed to be calming me or him? I’m not sure why he sounds so alarmed apart from what I’m assuming is a general commitment to protecting me.

“Is there any other way we can pay?”

“Do you have a werewolf cub?”

“No,” Hakyeon draws out the word, looking at Sanghyuk. Hakyeon’s gone very still – more still than vampires usually are – and there’s going to be hell to pay for this, I know it.

“It’s just a cupful,” I begin, but Sanghyuk shakes his head.

“No. We can get a werewolf cub for you if you want. Or cash payment. No blood.”

“Where are you going to get a werewolf cub?” Hongbin asks incredulously. “The pack’ll kill you.”

“No blood,” Sanghyuk repeats, and he’s trying to keep his voice even and polite though his hand holding mine is clenched tight. “I’ll get the money.”

“We’ll work it out later,” she says dismissively, and I can feel Hakyeon’s stare boring into the side of my face like it’s a ray of white-hot light. I don’t dare look at anyone so I focus on a corner of the bedspread that’s stayed free of the woman’s impromptu bone display.

“I agree that a cash payment is probably best,” Wonsik says carefully, and I feel Sanghyuk’s fingers relax a little in my hand.

“Cash it is then,” the lady nods. “Four shields and a warding spell for the house. Right.”

She takes a deep breath and the lights in the entire house abruptly go out. I jerk in shock against Sanghyuk, but that initial fright only deepens when the temperature begins to fall as well. I don’t know if the vampires can feel it – but I start to shiver almost immediately, the temperature drop is that severe. She’s singing softly but not in any language I know, and Sanghyuk is back to gripping my hand as tightly as before.

Bit by bit I’m getting dizzy. The more she sings the more my vision begins to swim until I screw my eyes shut and pray that I don’t start swaying on my feet as well but my head is spinning so badly I wouldn’t be able to tell if I’m still standing unless I actually hit the floor. I grab on to Sanghyuk for support and he tries to hold me up the best he can with one hand – I’m gulping air, gasping it, until I feel Sanghyuk lower me to the carpet. I try to look up at him to see if he’s alright but he’s on his knees next to me and bent over.

It goes on for weeks. A year. I throw up – I can’t help it. I retch and retch over and over until there’s nothing left and my body just hurts, tears streaming down my face until slowly, eventually, the temperature starts to rise and the lights come on again like a huge thundercloud lifting.

Hakyeon is slumped weakly against the wall. I don’t know why seeing that makes me feel a tiny bit better.

Sanghyuk is curled up in a kneeling position, forehead on the carpet and arms hugging himself, and as the terrible dizziness and oppression lifts he gives a small moan before rolling sideways and then onto his back like a loose sack of potatoes, hands coming up to cover his face.

I look at the small pool of my vomit. I will have to clean that up… later. When I regain the ability to walk. I shakily drag the backs of my hands over my cheeks, trying to wipe away the tears. Sanghyuk still hasn’t moved and Hakyeon has sort of strategically slid down the wall to come to a heavy stop on the dresser’s stool.

Once I feel like my legs have somewhat solidified I slowly – very slowly – push up into a half-stand half-crouch position, using the dresser to steady myself before looking around.

The bones on the bedspread have turned to ash. Wonsik and Hongbin were lucky – they were at least already sitting when this happened but Wonsik’s still got his face buried in Hongbin’s neck and Hongbin looks wrecked despite the one arm holding Wonsik close. He too is staring at the ash of the bones spread over the bedsheet, and draws his feet further away from it.

“Everyone alright?” the lady asks brightly, and we all cringe at her voice. It ping-pongs around in my head like a ball bouncing in an empty chamber.

“Let’s never do that again,” Sanghyuk groans.

“What _did_ you do?” Hakyeon asks, voice still shaky.

 The lady shrugs once again. “I changed your… how do I put it? Your signature?”

“What does that mean?”

“I’ve shifted you. The witches will never be able to find you now. You know? Shif-ting?” She gestures with her hands up in front of her, starting in one position and ending up parallel to where they were. “I should have told you it will feel bad. Sorry.”

She smiles.

“I have no idea what that means,” Hongbin mutters. “But as long as it works.”

Wonsik mewls – if you could imagine a really deep-voiced cat mewling. He still hasn’t opened his eyes.

“Oh,” the lady murmurs, looking at where I’ve thrown up on the carpet. “Unfortunate. I’ll go do your house warding now.”

“Are we going to feel anything?” Hongbin asks immediately.

“You shouldn’t,” she says lightly over her shoulder as she leaves the room.

“I’m so sorry,” I say, voice still raw as I motion towards the carpet. “I tried to stop myself.”

“You wouldn’t be the only one if we were all still human,” Sanghyuk sighs, sitting up. “I hate fae magic.”

“Fae?” I barely stop myself from gasping. I’m still nauseous and weak and embarrassed and more than a bit scared but – fae! We know even less about them than vampires, and that’s saying something – “She’s of the _fae?_ ”

“Yes. The fae are the only ones who have magic stronger than witches’ magic,” Hakyeon clears his throat. “And I apparently owe hundreds of thousands of won to them, now.”

“You have lots of money, hyungnim,” Sanghyuk tries to smile up at him from the ground. Hakyeon doesn’t smile back before standing up, fully recovered while the rest of us still look totally bamboozled.

“Was that protectiveness or possessiveness, Sanghyuk?” he says before he leaves the room in a supremely awkward state, Wonsik and Hongbin looking at Sanghyuk and I.

“That’s not fair,” Sanghyuk complains. “He knows the fae are not to be trusted!”

“What do you mean?” I ask quickly, hoping to shift the attention – just like we have just been ‘shifted’; what did she mean? – from whatever Hakyeon was implying.

“We don’t know what she wanted your blood for. Your blood is something that is tied extremely personally to you – there’s no saying how whatever magic she uses it for will get back to you.”

Wonsik shrugs lightly. “The fae are dishonest and really powerful. Hakyeon hyung probably hates the idea of having to do business with them.”

“And parting with his precious money,” Hongbin grins a little. “He called you ‘Sanghyuk’. You’re in trouble.”

Sanghyuk grunts and gets to his feet, then briefly takes my hand to get my attention. “Don’t worry about it. It’s better that Hakyeon hyung’s grumpy about spending money than if a fae has your blood.”

“You like holding his hand a lot,” Hongbin observes innocently. “You’ve never been the touchy type.”

“He’s warm,” Sanghyuk glares after a beat, and sweeps out without a backwards glance at me.

“Well if you’re going to be cleaning up _that_ ,” Hongbin sighs at the carpet while I stand there boiling with embarrassment, “mind cleaning up this disgusting bone ash too?”

*

“What did you mean by your question to Hyukkie just now, hyung?” Wonsik asks later as I go over all his wounds again to check how they’re healing. I was so afraid that the witches could have put some kind of anti-healing spell on him and Hongbin – I don’t know what kind of dirty magic they have – but the both of them are recovering well. The fresh blood they got last night must really have helped. I’ll go out later and get some more from a dealer because Jungmo and Chungha can’t give any more just yet – blood bags for Hyuk too –

_Sanghyuk._

I sigh, and I don’t miss the quick grin Hongbin tries to hide. “What?”

“You’re doing the protective hen thing.”

“Can you blame me?”

My mood isn’t helped by looking at all the burns and cuts the two of them are covered with – ruined fingertips and soles of their feet, razor cuts on the inside of their mouths and tongues. What is this, the dark ages?

“He’s not going to make the same mistake twice, hyung.”

“Oh? I think I nearly caught them kissing when I came home,” I make a game-over face at Wonsik. “What do you think about that?”

“Really?” Hongbin’s eyes go wide. “That would explain the touching.”

“What touching!”

“They were holding hands just now. When Hyukkie was getting all ‘oh no you didn’t’ at the fae for wanting to take Taekwoon’s blood as payment. And again after you left.”

“You are such a snitch,” Wonsik protests. “He was probably trying to comfort Taekwoon. Being randomly asked to give up your blood in payment for something can’t be something he used to deal with every day.”

“Sikkie, this is _Hyuk_ we’re talking about.”

“I didn’t see them holding hands??” This is bad. This is far worse than I thought.

“You were on his other side, he was using his-” Hongbin stops. “His good hand.”

The three of us are quiet for a few moments. I know Hyuk hates it when we think of him as our baby but he _is_ – I don’t think I will ever get over what they did to him. To my _child._

“We’ll find the people who did it and rip them apart,” Hongbin says, blunt as ever.

“This is why I adopted you,” I say fondly, reaching out to pet them and fully expecting it when they both dodge me at the same time. “Anyway, back to it. You saw with your own eyes that they were holding hands?”

“It may not be anything,” Wonsik rolls his eyes. “From what he said Taekwoon was the only friend he had in that place, _and_ Taekwoon put everything on the line to try and rescue him. It’s natural Hyukkie feels close to him.”

“Are you just disagreeing with me for the sake of it?” I narrow my eyes.

“Does it make sense that he would fall for another human all over again when the last time that happened it ended so terribly? What are the odds?”

“Mmm. I have to agree with that,” Hongbin says. “Though he did let Taekwoon cut his hair and we all know what he feels about his hair.”

My jaw drops. “So that terrible fringe cut is Taekwoon’s fault? And Hyukkie didn’t kill him? I’m going to be watching them,” I hand them back their shirts. “Like a hawk.”

“Like you’re watching them right now?” Hongbin answers sweetly. “All alone together out there?”

I’m more than half sure that was merely a ploy to tease me and get me out of their room – I’ve missed them, I’ve _missed_ them – but I hustle out of there anyway and I catch the two suspicious ones on the sofa sitting together and talking. It looks too innocent. I’m not buying it. _Especially_ when they stop talking the moment I sit down opposite them in the armchair.

“Uh,” Hyukkie begins. He’s self-conscious. I knew it. He has no reason to be self-conscious if truly nothing is going on. “Taekwoon hyung was just asking me about the fae. Humans know very little about them.”

Taekwoon _hyung._ This isn’t the first time I’ve heard him call Taekwoon that – vampires never observe the customs of seniority with humans. Hyuk’s got more than a hundred years on him! What hyung!

“Her disguise was flawless,” Taekwoon says, looking uncertainly from Hyukkie to myself. That’s right. Fear me. “I – I would really appreciate it if you could tell me more about her. It? Her. Please.”

He’s trying to suck up to me. Smart. I sit up straighter in my chair so that I can look down my nose at him – lucky the armchair is higher than the sofa. “She’s chosen the guise of a human woman, so you can call her a ‘her’. Not all of them do, only those that decide to live among your kind. They’re very powerful and very dangerous, and many of them hate witches. That’s what I was banking on when I asked for her services.”

“What do they think of humans?”

“They don’t think much about you, I’m sure,” I cross my legs, supremely unbothered. Sanghyuk begins to roll his eyes and then stops himself with what looks like a real effort. This brat. His fringe really looks terrible.

“Well, thank goodness for that,” Taekwoon answers with a weak laugh, and Sanghyuk joins in deliberately. This brat! “What do they actually look like?”

“I don’t think you really want to know. It’s a special kind of terrible your human brain may not be able to handle.”

“ _Hyungnim_ , don’t you have to go and get more blood bags? And also transfer money to that fae?” Sanghyuk cuts in.

“I can do it later.”

“Chungha and Jungmo are already getting ready for bed. Aren’t you worried when you come home in the middle of the night you’re going to wake them up?”

“When have I ever?”

“Chungha _told_ me you woke her up last night when you came home and asked me if everything was okay. She said you sounded like an elephant coming up the stairs.”

“She did not!”

“She did. Ask her. Don’t keep the fae waiting, hyungnim. They’re not fun when they’re angry.”

He’s checkmated me and he knows it. The faster I pay the fae indeed the better, and I do need to go and get blood; better to get everything done and be back early than to drag it out. This feeling of apprehension is worse than just now when Chungha and Jungmo came home in the middle of the fae’s warding spell and broke it – I thought she was going to eat them – because _why_ does Hyukkie want me gone so badly?

“Why, do you have something to do? Carrying on from just now, perhaps?”

“What do you mean?” Sanghyuk blinks at me, every inch the angelic baby that he _knows_ I cannot withstand. “You should go, hyung. Be careful. I love you.”

Okay. Now I _know_ something’s going on.

“Aw, my darling boy,” I say and get up to hug him tight, just to annoy him. If only those other two weren’t bed-bound they could spy on _these_ two for me while I’m gone.

“Fine. I’m going. But don’t even think about-”

“Leaving the house,” Taekwoon finishes for me, and tries a little smile. It’s a bit terrifying. The man should take fake smiling lessons from Hongbin.

*

“That was some quick thinking, earlier,” Taekwoon says to me with admiration in his voice once the main door clicks shut. “Though I think you were a bit too obvious pushing him out of the house.”

I wave a dismissive hand at him. “He’s already suspicious. A little more suspicion won’t hurt.”

“What… does he think is going on?” Taekwoon ventures hesitantly and oh god, I don’t want to have this conversation but sooner or later Taekwoon’s going to wonder why Hakyeon hyung is acting up like this and it’s not just because he has to harbour a human fugitive for the current duration. “What did he mean by what he said to you after the fae did her magic on us?”

I sigh. “He probably thinks I have feelings for you.”

“…Oh.”

“Don’t get excited.”

“I’m _not._ Hongbin too?”

“Ignore him. He’s what the kids nowadays call a troll.”

Taekwoon improbably breaks into a smile, and I’m embarrassed and self-conscious enough that it makes me snappy. “What’s so funny?”

“You. Saying ‘kids nowadays’. You sound fifty years old.”

“Technically I’m three times that, so it’s not that far off.”

“Old man.”

“Call me hyung, then.”

“Not this again!”

“Or sir. Or boss.”

“Boss Han?”

“Has a nice ring to it. Okay, stop. We’re way off-track. Stop going off-topic!”

“It’s not my fault but okay. So we go tomorrow night?”

“Yes. You need to describe to me your whole house so I know what to expect. There will probably be guards that I might need to subdue, I don’t know how many. Or at least if I were the government I would put guards on the door.”

“No, you’re right. They’ve contacted my mother, which means that they are probably expecting her to either be able to get to me over the phone or that I’m going to physically show up at my parents’ house.”

“Okay. I will deal with the guards, you get in and explain whatever you need to explain in the shortest amount of time possible. Can you do that?”

Taekwoon nods quickly. His whole face is alight – this is what Hakyeon couldn’t overhear. If Hakyeon ever finds out that we’re planning to not only leave the house and walk right into dangerous territory nothing will save us from him.

I have to admit this is a little crazy – but if Taekwoon is going to talk to his family we might as well do it as soon as possible. The longer the government goes without catching him or us the more desperate they’re going to get throwing every measure to capture us into motion; so now’s the time. All this is Hakyeon’s defence strategies he’s taught me over the years so technically? He only has himself to blame for this.

“You sure you want to do this? We could go there and you could slip a letter into their letterbox, you know.”

“I couldn’t be sure it would actually get to them,” Taekwoon worries. “I just – I need to see them. I don’t know when all of this is going to be over and I can see them again.”

I stretch out my hand to take his and then belatedly remember he knows now Hakyeon and Hongbin hyungs both think I’m attracted to him, and let my hand rest on the sofa between us instead. Things don’t need to get more complicated than they already are.

He reaches out and covers my hand with his.

*


	12. Chapter 12

I’m yawning but I refuse to go to sleep – it makes no sense for me to be the only one that’s on a different time schedule from everyone else. Plus I need to be up for as long as it takes tomorrow night - I don’t know what time Hakyeon is going to leave the house.

“Close your mouth when you yawn, you nasty,” Hongbin pokes at me and I duck my head in embarrassment though I know – I think – he’s just teasing. It does sting a bit that he doesn’t bother to use honorifics at all but i suppress it - I’m beginning to suspect that Sanghyuk only started calling me hyung to privately amuse himself because it’s clear now that vampires don’t operate on the same seniority basis as humans do. What would I feel if I were a hundreds-of-years-old vampire and a human insisted on me calling them hyung or noona? I guess I get it. But _still_. I’m not used to kids technically younger than me being so free with casual speech.

We’re all in their room again, even Hakyeon who’s come back from his business outside (four hours, I kept track; will we have four hours tomorrow night to go back to my parents’ house and come home again without Hakyeon finding out?) and we’ve spent the last half of the night talking - or them talking and me listening, mostly. I’m in a chair next to Hongbin’s and Wonsik’s bed which Sanghyuk’s clambered into as well, squashing the two of them a little bit. They’re both tall but Sanghyuk’s even taller and broader even though he has such a baby face, and I feel like that is the same weird disconnect with him looking so young for a mature vampire. He looks like their extra-large little brother excited to be included in a pajama party. It’s cute, but then I’m reminded just what these three have been through and suddenly it’s heavy with emotion.

Hakyeon’s perched elegantly on the foot of their bed – I don’t know how he always manages to look so poised no matter what he’s doing and I kind of hate it because of the mess I am right now. The more I watch them talk and tease one another and interact – both what they’re saying and what they’re not saying – it’s clear to me this is a family, and I’ve never felt so alone in my life.

The earlier lightheartedness I felt when I cut Sanghyuk’s hair is gone now and it’s hard for me to focus on any one thing because there’s so much quietly going on. Sanghyuk with his missing hand and both Wonsik and Hongbin looking battered and still having trouble walking is a stark reminder of how little time has passed really since they escaped. It’s barely been two full days, and the way they’re speaking and joking lightly together only somehow seems to emphasize that. The incongruity is too strong but I feel like they need to act normal or the tension and fear is going to break all of us. I haven’t forgotten that this isn’t their home - they’re still in hiding.

And then behind it all I can’t help being terribly distracted worrying about tomorrow night. How are we going to get to my parents’ house? I’ve calculated and it’s about half an hour from here by car. If Hakyeon takes the car when he leaves tomorrow night - _if_ he leaves tomorrow night - then walking is going to take us too long. What if Hakyeon only leaves for a short while and comes home way before we do? What if he only leaves at, like, two a.m.? How am I going to arrive at my parents’ house at three in the morning and not only break into their house but quietly wake them up such that they don’t immediately raise the alarm or think I really am dangerous? How are we going to get past the guards that I’m sure will be there? What is Sanghyuk going to do? What if it goes wrong? _What if they capture Sanghyuk again?_

“If you’re tired why don’t you go to sleep? It’s almost five,” Wonsik says. “We’re all going to bed in less than two hours anyway.” I like him a lot. The saying ‘still waters run deep’ comes to mind when I think about him.

“I’m really okay,” I shake my head in protest but am unfortunately hit just then by another big yawn. Wonsik nudges Sanghyuk and gestures in my direction and I see the glance Sanghyuk gives Hakyeon to see if Hakyeon’s watching. Wonsik nudges him again but he doesn’t move. I’m not sure what Wonsik wants him to do - tuck me into bed? I’m not sure how I feel about that. I mean - I don’t actually need him to tuck me into bed but going to sleep by myself while they all stay behind to talk feels too lonely.

Sanghyuk’s sat across from the me the whole time and it was easy to just watch him as he talked and smiled and joked, and I realised about an hour into the conversation that I really don’t know anything about him. What is his life like? What does he do every day? The way he talks and the things he’s said in the past tells me he keeps up with the world - does he go online? How do they watch television in their own home? _How_ do they have their own home? Does he know about the kpop boom? Where does he get his clothes? What does his regular fashion look like? They mentioned Hakyeon has money - where is it coming from? Does Sanghyuk have money too?

I sigh and close my eyes. Darkness. One second, two seconds, three.

Maybe going to bed isn’t such a bad idea. There’s too much for my mind to deal with right now.

I say my goodnights and shuffle off outside and am about to take the sofa when I realise that then Sanghyuk will have nowhere to sleep - so I take a cushion to use as a pillow and lie down on the carpet. I keep my eyes closed while my brain runs away with itself.

It’s more than an hour before Sanghyuk comes out of the room and pads towards me - I hear another pair of feet going towards the other bedroom - and he’s surprised to see I’m still not asleep yet. To be honest? I was expecting him to come check on me much earlier than this and I don’t like feeling so needy.

“Why are you on the floor, hyung?”

“So you can sleep on the sofa,” I mumble. I’m in that terrible in-between stage of being sleepy and muddle-headed but with adrenaline flowing and heart pounding a bit too fast thinking of what’s to come; mind sleepy but body alive.

I look up at him and his jagged fringe - my sad handiwork - and he crouches down beside me. “Hakyeon hyung won’t get mad at you for making me sleep on the floor.”

I _had_ thought of that, I’m not going to lie, but I had nobler reasons. I resent him thinking I’m that afraid of Hakyeon. And now - belatedly - it strikes me that it looks I’d left him the sofa on purpose so that he can sleep by me and here comes the thoughts at the back of my mind I’d been fiercely blocking the whole night; letting in smaller tidal waves while beating back the giant tsunami.

Hakyeon and Hongbin both think Sanghyuk has feelings for me. I reacted nonchalantly at the time because Sanghyuk also talked about it like it was something that wearied him and wasn’t that big of a deal. Is that why Hakyeon is so against me being here? Because he thinks I’m a dangerous distraction?

 _Does he think Sanghyuk’s feelings are returned?_ Have I been acting like I-? _Do_ I-?

Sanghyuk reaches over to take my hand and tugs on it to pull me upright with him. “I sleep literally like the dead,” he’s saying, smirking at me, proud of his pun. “It makes no difference to me where I sleep. You have the couch.”

He doesn’t let go of my hand until I stand up fully and move to sit down on the sofa, and then he

slowly

slowly

lets my fingers trail away through his. My heart is pounding.

“Don’t worry about tomorrow, hyung,” he cocks his head at me and whispers. “It’ll go well. You don’t have to be nervous.”

“I’m not nervous,” I whisper back.

“Good,” he replies, stretching out and laying his head on the cushion I’d been using. “You’re going to need your rest.”

“We’re not going,” I blurt out, but remember to keep my voice down. “It’s a stupid idea. We’ll wait it out or I’ll think of another way to reach them. It’s too dangerous.”

He sits up again, eyes wide in the dark. “Why?”

“For you,” I shake my head. “If something goes wrong and they get you again - no. We’re crazy to even think about it. We can’t go so soon. We need to let things die down a bit first.”

“Taekwoon, once the hyungs are okay we’re leaving the country,” Sanghyuk leans forward. “That could be in just a week if they heal fast.”

I’m about to answer before he sits back in thought and says something which floors me. “Actually that’s not a problem. You could easily contact them from wherever we’re going. I doubt the authorities here are going to try to chase us around the world.”

I just stare at him. “I’m coming with you?”

Now it’s his turn to stare back. “I mean - I assumed - I didn’t think. Of course you want to stay. I mean, you’d need forged documents- I’m sorry. I got ahead of myself.”

There is this big silence that is not in the least empty between us when he stops talking, and I reflect on the fact that I have probably never seen him this flustered. I wonder if the fae did more than shift our magical presences because I feel like I can’t keep a grasp on anything - everything has more than one layer, everything is not as it appears, nothing is for sure or stable or even real.

What’s going to happen to me?

I press the heels of my palms into my eyes until I see stars and wonder - what if I’d been assigned to a different vampire, what if I’d never started questioning what the ministry was doing, what if I’d never met Sanghyuk -

The sofa dips next to me and Sanghyuk hesitantly puts an arm around me, the cold of his skin through the layers of our clothes still new but no longer uncomfortable in an ironic reversal of the way I’d comforted him in his cell. I want to stay with him. I wish I’d never met him. This is a _mess._

*

“How are we getting there?” I whisper at Sanghyuk who’s sifting quickly through Sungjae’s closet. We’ve been wearing his shorts and shirts around the house but we need proper clothes to go out in and Sanghyuk hands me jeans and a white shirt. Hakyeon only left mere minutes ago and our haste and caution makes me feel like I’m robbing Sungjae somehow.

Sanghyuk turns his back to me and starts undressing so I do so too but not before catching an expanse of pale back that looks too perfect to be real - I suppose staying away from sunlight will do that for you. I quickly look away, not wanting to be caught staring.

“We’ll drive, of course,” Sanghyuk answers.

“What if Hakyeon took the car?”

“We don’t just have one car, you know. Wonsik hyung is a bit obsessed.”

“How many cars do you have?” I ask in amazement, turning around once I’m dressed. Sungjae’s style is much more street than mine is and I feel like I’m trying to cosplay a teenager but at least Sanghyuk gave me black jeans and a white shirt and not some crazy colours; I wonder if he’d noticed my monochrome preference back in the ministry. I comb down my hair still damp from my shower with my fingers. Don’t vampires need to bathe? Don’t they at least get dusty?

I look at what Sanghyuk’s wearing and god - he looks so young. Weird haircut aside in Sungjae’s oversized black t-shirt and jeans he could be any university student walking around Hongdae or Kondae with his friends.

“Four,” Sanghyuk shrugs. “One is Hakyeon hyung’s, one is kind of mine, and the other two are Wonsik hyung’s.”

“What do you mean ‘kind of yours’?”

“In the sense that it’s not actually mine but Wonsik hyung’s,” Sanghyuk admits, grinning briefly at me. “I use it way more than he does anyway so it’s mine.”

“When did you learn to drive?”

He thinks for a moment. “1961. In Japan. It’s a funny story, actually.”

I blink. My mother was born in 1961.

“Can you drive?”

“Me? Yeah. But I’m not very good at it.”

“Looks like I’m the main agent _and_ the getaway driver, then,” he jokes, but I don’t really have the heart to smile back. I’m still convinced this is a terrible idea but the part of me that’s longing so terribly to see my family wants to ignore all common sense. We’ve talked it over in furious whispers - if everything goes smoothly we should be back here well within one and half hours but what actually are the odds of everything going smoothly?

“Where’s your car?”

“That’s the thing. We’re not using my car. We’re stealing Jungmo’s.”

“ _What?_ ”

“I don’t have my car keys, hyung! They’re at home. Plus that car is in a carpark half an hour away from here. What do you want to do - walk all the way to my apartment, break in, get the car keys, walk to the carpark, drive all the way to your parents’ house and then repeat everything in reverse?”

I let out a long breath. God help us.

“Jungmo’s car is in the downstairs carpark. I’ve already stolen his keys after he came home from work earlier.”

“When did you do that?”

“When you were in the shower. I hid them under the sofa cushions. Come on.”

On one hand I am incredibly - despite all odds - endeared. Of all emotions to feel in a situation like this ‘endeared’ is very low on the list, I’m aware, but just look at him. Blithely talking about stealing cars and defying Hakyeon in order to help me see my parents when it poses real personal danger to himself -

“Oh, that sappy look again. Hold it in. We haven’t even left the house yet.”

On the other hand, I’m terrified.

“Come on, we have to go now.”

“Someone’s going to realise we’re gone.”

“As long as we get home before Hakyeon hyung does or they don’t contact him I can talk our way out of it.”

“You’re very sure of yourself.”

“Hakyeon hyung’s number one life lesson: self-confidence is everything.”

When we open and close the front door behind us the bright electronic sound of the door re-locking makes me cringe because someone’s sure to have heard it. I almost expect there to be some kind of special effect from the ward surrounding the house too, like some shimmering or something. I imagine it like a magical shield protecting the apartment.

We quickly put on shoes before taking the lift down and Sanghyuk starts trying to find Jungmo’s car in the small underground carpark, pressing the unlock button on the keys to trace it via the sound and headlights.

“There!” Thank goodness for vampire hearing. We jog over to the car - it’s a nice car, and that just makes me more scared that we’re brazenly stealing it. What if something happens to the car?

“You got the address?” he asks, buckling himself into the driver’s seat and turning on the engine. “Put it into the navigation.”

“How good a driver are you?” I turn to him, thinking of Seoul’s night traffic.

“I don’t like to boast,” he says as he exits the carpark, “but I’m really good.”

“Are you su- wait!”

The next half an hour is spent in cold, abject fear. Before I can really take in seeing how he drives - he had to push the driver’s seat back to accommodate his long legs and he sits casually with only one hand on the wheel (did he watch some commercial or something about how cool men look driving like this?) - the car leaps into traffic and I start praying for my life. I don’t know who taught him how to drive but whoever it is left out a few essential lessons.

“What’s wrong!” he cries out as we speed down a highway with blatant disregard for my stomach and other organs.

“Slow down!” I scream back at him, but he just laughs like we’re placidly cycling along beside the Han river on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Who cares about the government catching us? We’re going to die in a terrible car accident anyway - or at least _I’m_ going to die, which I think is pretty unfair. I don’t even register when we’re a street away from my parents’ house because I’ve been keeping my eyes shut for the past ten minutes, flattening myself into the seat and hoping that if we hit anything Jungmo’s car’s emergency airbags work.

“Is this right?” Sanghyuk asks, craning his neck to look out. “We shouldn’t park too close by.”

“I’m driving us home,” I tell him before I shakily point out a space up ahead he can park.

We walk up to the apartment block complex and Sanghyuk stays me. “Let me check out the area first. There may be guards downstairs.”

I just nod, my heart now starting to pound harder for a different reason than Sanghyuk’s racecar driver aspirations. I don’t think they’ll make it too obvious that my parents are being guarded - would they? All this time I’ve been banking on only one or two guards maybe posted in their corridor, but it’s very reassuring to know Sanghyuk isn’t taking any chances.

It’s midnight. Hakyeon left around eleven fifteen.

Sanghyuk leaves me waiting trying not to look suspicious outside a family-run mart - I know this shop, I’ve been coming here for years. Nothing is going the way I imagined it - I feel like something of this importance needs to be action-movie gritty and serious, not this ambiguous tragicomedy it’s turning out to be.

Sanghyuk appears after ten years from a different direction, giving me a bad shock just as I was steeling myself to go look for him.

“Shh! Good news, looks like the ground floor is empty. At least getting up to your parents’ apartment won’t be a problem.”

“Sanghyuk,” I grab his arm and make him turn to face me as he begins walking off. “What are you going to do to the guard? Guards? If there are any?”

“I’m not intending to hurt them,” he answers simply. “But I will if I have to.”

I cannot reconcile this with the Sanghyuk I’ve come to know - and then I remember when I’d just started visiting him in his cell and the rage fit he’d had, breaking his metal cot; drugged and chained but still so powerful and strong and driven by a black anger that had chilled me. That day seems a century ago now and I look at him with new eyes. Or had I just chosen to ignore this part of him because he was good to me?

We walk in silence towards my parents’ apartment block and my heart is going so fast and so loud it must be distracting for Sanghyuk, but thankfully he doesn’t say anything. We make it to the lift lobby without incident, and I press the button for the eighth floor with fingers so cold they probably feel no different from Sanghyuk’s own.

A million worst-case scenarios have steadily trooped through my brain since we decided to go through with this, and I’m firmly blocking each and every single one of them out. Was this really the best option?

Eighth floor. Doors open. I step out quietly into the lift lobby - the lifts are in a little area away from the rest of the corridor and in order to get to the apartments laid out in a straight line you need to round a corner. I carefully poke my head around that corner and gasp sharply when I see the man standing outside my parents’ house - he’s smoking and looking over the bannister. I’ve been expecting it but it still sends a shiver down my back - it’s real. He isn’t wearing anything conspicuous - I’m not sure what I thought he would be wearing - but he takes out his phone and goes to sit in a chair that’s been placed just next to the main door. There can be no doubt about who he is and why he’s there.

I draw back and tell all of this to Sanghyuk, who moves me aside so he can have a look for himself. There’s no way to approach the man without him seeing or hearing us unless he gets careless and is really absorbed in whatever he’s doing on his phone. We need to maintain the element of surprise.

“We’re going to have to run up to him,” Sanghyuk tells me in a low voice. “You follow me. I’m going to glamour him, so don’t worry about us. You just work on getting into the house.”

I don’t even have time to worry about what if they’ve been made to change the password lock on the door before Sanghyuk has my upper arm in a tight grip and is dragging me after him. My legs move of their own accord and things really do start to move in slow motion and fragments in moments of high stress - one moment we’re barely around the corner and the next moment we’re already at my parents’ door: the man’s cigarette falling to the ground in a graceful arc, Sanghyuk grabbing his chin with his good hand and forcing him to look into Sanghyuk’s eyes, fumbling the cover on the electronic lock and unable to press the right numbers once, twice - I can hear my blood rushing in my ears. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I nearly scream.

“It’s done,” Sanghyuk says, close to my ear.

“Six eight one one five,” I tell him, wringing out my hands. “I can’t press the buttons my fingers are trembling too hard-”

He leans around me and punches in the numbers and I turn to look at the guard. He’s doing nothing, just standing quietly looking out straight in front of him.

The door unlocks with a familiar tinkle and I take a deep breath. Sanghyuk pushes past me to go inside first, listening and sweeping the living room with his eyes before he moves aside. “Hurry,” is all he says.

He doesn’t follow me in as I dart into the dark house, achingly familiar smells familiar furniture familiar layout, and I hesitate for a moment between going into my youngest-older sister’s room or my parents’ before picking my parents. My sister will believe me no matter what. My parents are the ones I need to make sure of.

My mother lets out a small cry when I shake her awake, regretting I can’t be more gentle - being awoken like this in the middle of the night by your fugitive son can’t be something that will predispose you to being open-minded. I do the same to my father, and my mother starts to hit me while my father scrambles for the bat I know he still keeps under the bed.

“It’s me, it’s me!” I back off and hold my hands up. “Mum, dad, it’s me, Taekwoon.”

“Taekwoon?” my mother gasps, and my father drops the bat, which is a heartening sign. “What’s happening?”

My father comes around the bed to grab me in a fierce hug and it’s then that my selfish regrets begin to overflow. None of this needs to be happening if only I hadn’t -

“Please listen to me, I don’t have much time. I don’t know what they’re telling you but it’s not true. I’m not a traitor or whatever. I don’t really have time to explain it all but please believe me.”

“They said you blew up the ministry facility you were working at. They said you were secretly working with the vampires all along,” my mother says, reaching out for me and sounding on the verge of tears. “What’s going on?”

“I didn’t. I-” saved a vampire? Am living with a group of them now? Don’t think vampires deserve the bad reputation they’ve gotten because they’re really not that bad once you get to know them?

“It’s not true. I came across a - government conspiracy. That’s why they’re trying to get me.” Oh, god.

My parents look so horrified and speechless I don’t know if I should keep going or leave before things get more complicated. “Just - please believe me. I have to lay low for a while and I can’t contact you or they’ll find me. But I’m safe. Don’t worry, please. I will come back but I don’t know when.”

“Taekwoon!”

I whip around at the sound of Sanghyuk urgently calling out for me and a second later he appears in the doorway, hardly sparing my parents a glance. “They’re sending more men up. We need to go now. Is there a back staircase?”

“Who is-” My father begins, but Sanghyuk completely ignores him.

“Taekwoon, now!”

I roughly hug my mother and then my father and let Sanghyuk grab my hand to pull me away but halfway to the main door he stops dead as if listening and turns sharply, pushing me back where we came.

“No time.”

I’m barely thinking at this point, just reacting to him.

He strides past my dumbfounded parents to the sliding windows and opens them, looking out and around, and without another word climbs onto the window ledge. “Come here!” I go, and he carefully aims and jumps the rest of the way to land on the parapet below the window, holding fast to the ledge with his good hand. The top of his head is barely visible and he barks a command at my parents to close the window after us. I get up on the window ledge too and my heart jumps into my throat, immediately locking all my limbs in a panic - we’re fucking eight stories above the ground and the parapet is barely a foot wide.

“Taekwoon!” I turn to look at him and immediately my mind goes serenely blank. At the far back of my mind I know what he’s doing but I can’t look away from him nor find it in me to care that he’s controlling my mind.

“Come down. I won’t let you fall.”

I hop down obediently and he secures me against the wall with his maimed arm across my chest so I don’t lose my balance. He shuffles back closer directly under the window and covers me with his body, pressing me hard against the wall. The window ledge above us has to be enough to hide us. He’s holding on by using the opposite force gained by pushing upwards on the underneath of the ledge with his good hand and the moment he lifts the glamour from me the serene blankness disappears like a splash of ice water to the face.

I cower against the wall, breath sticking painfully in my chest. He’s gritting his teeth from the effort of keeping us both tight against the wall without a secure grip to hold on to so I wrap one arm around him and reach up with my other arm to do the same as he is to somehow help him keep us stable.

I’m praying my parents have closed the window in time and don’t give anything away - what about my sister? She must have woken up in the commotion by now. I strain my ears to listen, but I can’t hear anything over the pounding of my own heart.

“Shh,” Sanghyuk whispers low in my ear. “Breathe. I’ve got you. You’re not going to fall.”

He’s pressed against me from shoulder to thigh, and there’s cold stone against my back and cold vampire against my front. He’s so close and whispering calming things in my ear as if the insanity and danger of the situation can be soothed by him telling me to breathe - I’m utterly terrified.

The sound of the window sliding open jerkily above us strikes us both like lightning.

Both of us tense immediately and he goes silent, his face buried in my neck. I shut my eyes against the night sky and slowly clench my fist in his shirt, wondering if any moment we’re going to be found.

He’s risking this for me. He could have left me at the facility, could have just kept quiet instead of volunteering to help do this because I would never have asked him to. If they find us what will they do to me? To him?

“The guard outside was glamoured and your front door was wide open. You expect us to believe nothing happened?”

The voice floats out of the open window and Sanghyuk lifts his head slightly.

“You’ve checked the whole house. You can see for yourself Taekwoon isn’t here.”

“I hope this gives you proof, madam. Your son is working with vampires. No human can glamour someone so effectively as vampires can and the guard outside is definitely glamoured. No matter what he said to you - he’s lying. He’s a threat and a traitor to us and to you. We only have your own best interests at heart. We don’t know what other acts of terrorism him and the vampires he’s in league with may be planning together.”

“He’s not here,” my mother repeats, but with a voice less sure this time. It hurts. It _hurts._

“Why was the front door open?”

“We heard strange sounds outside. We were going to check.”

“And you just left it wide open?”

“Maybe I just didn’t close it properly. My old age, you know. Hard to do even simple things.” My father gets sarcastic when people put him in a corner and right now his defensiveness is reaching critical levels. Sanghyuk gives a small laugh and I can feel his cold breath brush my skin - if he sends me into a bout of hysterical laughter right now and we both fall off this ledge it will be entirely his fault.

“Sir, I understand how you must be feeling loyal towards your son. But I urge you, you need to realise that he is a fugitive from the law.”

“I will be sure to tell you anything that can help your investigation,” my father answers frostily.

“I like your dad,” Sanghyuk murmurs and I suppress the urge to knee him in the balls.

“What makes you think just because your guard was glamoured it must be my son? That’s a big conclusion you’re leaping to. Maybe some other vampire was out for a midnight snack.”

The window closes and their voices are cut off abruptly and I’m left wondering how much longer we’re going to have to keep up this precarious position. For some reason I’m not as terrified now that I’ve heard my father being clearly on my side, and the small clarity of mind that the vacating fear provides allows me to mull over how, once again, my life has become absolutely ridiculous. From the mad car ride earlier to now the both of us hanging out in a very compromising manner on a parapet eight stories above the ground - god only knows how this night is going to end. With Hakyeon chopping off my head, no doubt.

Sanghyuk shifts slightly against me and I swallow. There really isn’t any room to be getting shy about how our bodies are pressed together like this considering the situation, but.  

Sanghyuk shifts again and I really wish he’d stop that. As if to help distract me, a particularly cold gust of night wind blows and I begin to shiver. “If only you were warm,” I mutter, and I feel the low rumbling laugh move through him.

“I’ll warm you up later.”

_Asshole._

My arm is beginning to ache badly and I slowly switch it with the one around his waist. He’s firm - slightly skinny, and I remember him saying how his life as a human used to be difficult - but there is definition in the muscles of his back.

“I’m getting tired,” I whisper at him, and he butts his forehead sideways into my cheek.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means stop complaining. Next time I’ll bite you.”

“You don’t have fangs.”

“I still have teeth, genius.”

He’s got me there. It’s a real concern, however - how long are we going to have to stay out here? I haven’t yet stopped shivering and it’s only going to get worse, and I don’t know how long his strength will last. Without bracing ourselves against the ledge above us the smallest movement could be fatal.  

“I like the smell of the soap you used to shower,” he tells me.

“What?”

“Just making conversation.”

“Thanks?”

“Made you blush.”

“You can’t even see me.”

“Yes I can. And even if I couldn’t I can feel you.”

He needs to stop this. He’s always flirty and inappropriate but - I can’t handle it right now. Not like this.

“Is this really the time to start fucking with me?”

“I don’t have anything else better to do at the moment.”

“How about concentrating on keeping us on this ledge?”

“I’m not going to let you fall off, I told you. Have some faith.”

“Good.”

Of all the stupid plans - we could have begged Hakyeon to buy me a burner phone, driven somewhere far from Jungmo’s house and called my mother, then thrown away the phone. Surely Hakyeon wouldn’t have said no to that. Sanghyuk wouldn’t have had to come along either, it could have been just me and Hakyeon so Sanghyuk wouldn’t have been in danger by leaving the house.

Why the fuck hadn’t I thought of this earlier?

Even if it had meant not seeing my parents in person -

“What’s wrong?”

I let my head fall back onto the wall behind me and it’s hard not to look at him despite the guilt I feel.

“I put you in danger. The whole point was to keep you safe and now look where we are.”

He just looks down at me across the tiny distance separating our faces. It’s the same kind of piercing look he gave me earlier when he glamoured me to take away my fear but the feeling stealing over me right now is the furthest thing from the content emptiness a glamour gives you.

“Anything for you,” he grins.

*

I fall to the floor in a boneless heap after Taekwoon, his father urgently pressing a finger to his lips to make us keep quiet. I don’t know what’s going on with that but I’m not about to make any sounds right now. I’m exhausted. Who’d have known clinging desperately to a wall eight storeys up for nearly an hour would make you this tired?

His mother looks like she’s on her last nerve and a new human is in the room - a young woman, sitting on Taekwoon’s parents’ bed and staring at us with wide eyes. Must be the sister.

The woman takes out her phone and types quickly, showing it to us.

_They’ve bugged the house. Don’t make a sound. They threatened to lock up our parents if we don’t cooperate._

Taekwoon looks like he’s deeply regretting his entire life. His father moves to help me sit up, and -

He gasps and lets go of my arm like he’s been burned. Oh, here we go.

Taekwoon wearily shakes his head, holding out his hands, and then motions for his sister to give him her phone.

_He’s not dangerous. He won’t hurt you. He’s helping to hide me._

This isn’t going to help his case at all - they’re accusing him of working with vampires and here I am, a real live - well, dead - vampire sitting on the floor of his parents’ bedroom.

 _Vampire_ , his father mouths to his mother and sister and they both frantically draw away from me, whether instinctively or not.

 _No fangs_ , I mime back, opening my mouth and pointing to my teeth then shaking my head as much as it pains me to do so. _Can’t bite._

 _He’s keeping me safe. Please trust me. Please._ Taekwoon types, and his sister slowly nods her head while staring at me unblinkingly.

_Are there still guards outside?_

His sister holds up two fingers and I close my eyes in frustration. I can only glamour one person at a time, but even that option is closed to me now because they can somehow detect when a guard is glamoured - I’m really curious to know how - and I can’t hurt them either. Anything that would reveal that Taekwoon’s parents have been lying will put them in danger too. We’re going to have to slip out unseen.

_What if you climb down into the 7th floor house’s kitchen and get out through their main door?_

His sister surprises me with this one - we really do need to get away unnoticed but to be honest the last thing I want to do now is to spend any more time hanging outside their house.

His mother strongly objects, however, gesturing for the sister to forget it. She draws her husband close and starts whispering rapidly, and being left out of the conversation there’s nothing for the sister to do except stare at me. I give her a little wave, and Taekwoon slaps my hand away.

It’s a few minutes before Taekwoon and I (and his sister) are let in on the plan. The mother will scream for help pretending a vampire is trying to break in through the bedroom window, the father will unlock the door and get the guards into the house, the sister will play backup, and Taekwoon and I will hide in the curtains next to the door and run out the first chance we get.

The way this night is going this sounds practically tame.

We decide to wait another half hour before doing this to make sure they aren’t staking out the stairway or something and I find myself sitting down at the dining table with Taekwoon and his family, his sister still staring at me and all of us not talking like this is a really awkward silent film. His mother makes tea and hesitantly offers me a cup which is the sweetest thing ever, but I have to decline. Wonsik tried to eat human food once about forty years ago just to see firsthand what would happen. It’s not a fond memory.

His sister reaches out a hand and touches my forearm like she’s exploring some new species she’s just found and it’s her turn to get her hand slapped away by Taekwoon.

 _So cold!_ she mouths at him delightedly. _Like ice!_

Taekwoon’s father clears his throat meaningfully. He gestures for his daughter to give him her phone and he types out _What is your name?_

 _Han Sanghyuk_ , I type back.

_Please don’t turn my son into a vampire._

Taekwoon rolls his eyes and motions at his father that that isn’t going to happen.

 _I don’t want to turn him_ I type quickly, and Taekwoon gives his father a ‘see?’ look. His father shrugs and sits back in his chair.

Taekwoon is getting antsy, fidgeting in his chair and turning to look at the wall clock ever so often. It’s well past one now and I know he’s thinking of getting back before Hakyeon hyung does, despite the more immediate obstacle of actually getting out of the house and away. I don’t really have the heart to break it to him that Hakyeon hyung probably already knows something’s happening - I wasn’t expecting to have to hide from our captors in such a dramatic way and Hakyeon hyung would have felt the height of my alarm and worry and that would have brought him home instantly to check on me. He’s either already back or on his way, so the main thing now is for us to focus on getting away from Taekwoon’s house in one piece and then brace ourselves for the dressing-down we’re going to get. I’m going to have my work cut out for me defending Taekwoon.

 _Let’s go_ , I mouth at Taekwoon and he stands up in relief.

Everyone gets into position after hugging Taekwoon goodbye one last time - mother and father in the bedroom, sister in her room ready to rush out and add to the pandemonium, and Taekwoon and I in the window curtains just next to the door. I have to say I’m really touched at how Taekwoon’s family are just going with it despite their misgivings about me - no wonder he felt so strongly about contacting them. The love between them all is solid. _Like how Hakyeon is just going with it when it comes to Taekwoon because he loves you?_

That guilt-tripping voice is not needed right now.

A resounding crash and the sound of breaking glass jolts us both - that wasn’t in the script, but it sounds like Taekwoon’s parents are improvising.  A shrill scream splits the air the next moment and Taekwoon’s father runs out to the living room to open the door.

“Quickly! In the bedroom! Vampire - trying to get in-” Taekwoon’s sister starts yelling from inside her room.

Honestly, they should all win awards for this. The guards outside rush in and Taekwoon grabs my hand.

In a second we’re out and running for our lives.

*

He drives us in mostly silence (he insisted I was only going to drive back over his dead body) about ten minutes away from his parents’ home before he pulls over by the side of the road and slumps over the wheel with a big exhale. I reach for him in alarm and when I touch him he’s trembling.

“I’m okay, it’s just - it’s all catching up to me,” he says into his arms. “I can’t believe what just happened.”

“It was crazy,” I agree. I rub circles into his back and - on impulse - stroke his hair, and I can feel him still underneath my hand.

I draw back. That was a bad idea, and very out of character. I don’t know why I do this - I hate the thought that it’s because touching him reminds me of touching Jaehwan. That’s not the reason, but I know that’s what Hongbin and Hakyeon think. That I must have this strange fixation with Taekwoon because of Jaehwan. It hits me at the worst times - like when we were hiding just now, pressed against each other so close it was killing me. _If only you were warm_ , he said. He was very warm, though, and it soaked through the thin clothes between us and into my skin. It was easy to cover up how tense I was with my normal teasing of him but -

This needs to stop. I need to stop touching him. At the very worst it’s going to give him the wrong idea. But what is the wrong idea at this point? He must have noticed by now how I don’t touch anybody else the same way.

He sits back in the driver’s seat and closes his eyes. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, I haven’t saved us from Hakyeon hyung,” I mutter.

“Thank you for that too, then,” he says, opening his eyes to look at me, and closes them again while reaching out for my hand. “I don’t think you know what this meant to me.”

This isn’t the first time we’ve held hands - and considering all the body contact earlier this is nothing - but the way it’s making me hectic inside is scaring me too much. The way his warm fingers fit firmly with mine feels so right and so terrifying at the same time that I want to pull away but I know it won’t be long until I reach for him again.

What am I doing? What does this mean for him?

He tightens his hold on my hand and I stare at our hands resting on my thigh. The last time I felt anything like this I was falling in love with fire and the sweetest tongue and sharp emotions and defiance, and Taekwoon is nothing like that.

“We should go,” I say, and he untwines his hand from mine.

*


	13. Chapter 13

When we enter the apartment it still comes as a surprise to see the three silhouettes sitting in the dark living room even though I’ve been bracing myself for it the entire ride home. I imagine I can feel Hakyeon’s stare rip through me before I’m barely inside the door, and I’m not sure exactly what reaction I’m expecting but when he slumps forward with a bone-deep exhale of pained relief it strikes right at my very heart. 

Sanghyuk and I both stand there on the edge of the living room carpet waiting for something to happen - Hakyeon has his face in his hands and Wonsik and Hongbin are just looking at us. I almost want someone to shout at us because the seed of the horrible guilt that I’ve been nurturing ever since we nearly got caught earlier is beginning to tear away at me in earnest. 

“I’m sorry, I-” I start, figuring I should rightfully take responsibility but Hakyeon stands up in a swift move that leaves the words dead on my tongue. 

“I’m sure you had a very good reason for leaving the protection of the ward. I’m sure you had a  _ very _ good reason for bringing Sanghyuk out with you where not only hunters but witches are searching for you both. I can’t wait to hear it.”

“Hyungnim, I wanted to help him. I volunteered to go,” Sanghyuk cuts in quickly. “If you would just let me explain-”

Hakyeon strides forward, grabs me by the front of my shirt and pushes me into the nearest bedroom - Namjoo’s - with a force that feels like a kick to the chest. Out of the corner of my eye I see Sanghyuk surge forward to stop Hakyeon but he’s too slow; Hakyeon moved so fast it was like a snakebite and I barely can find my bearings before the door is already locked and Hakyeon is glaring at me like he has a thousand things to say battling to be the first. 

We stare at each other across the modestly-sized bedroom and Hakyeon spins on the spot to look away from me in barely-contained frustration, the jerky movement belying his emotion. He’s never awkward or hesitant, always smooth and elegant, and I am terrified. He’s not going to kill me but right now I can think of a lot of other things he could do to me that might be just as bad. 

“Do you have any idea what could have happened?”

He turns around once more and advances on me, and it’s all I can do to stand my ground. 

“I’m sorry, I realise it was a stupid thing to get him involved but at the time this plan was the only thing we could come up with. I needed to contact my parents to let them know I’m not a traitor and that I’m okay. I don’t know when I will see them again. If I will see them again. He- he wanted to help. And I couldn’t have done it without him. I will not try to contact them again, I promise.”

I get all of this out with greatly forced calm, Hakyeon’s stare of thin glass unnerving me to no end. 

“I already lost him once, Jung Taekwoon.”

The hoarseness of Hakyeon’s whisper slams into me like a tidal wave even though he’s merely standing there with his fists clenched and not screaming or shouting. I can’t even defend myself - I know exactly what he means and if something had happened tonight; if Sanghyuk had been captured again I could not have forgiven myself - 

“Why is he doing this? What’s going on between the two of you?”

I think of Sanghyuk’s body pressed against mine and the way he’d stroked my hair in the car. 

_ He just looks down at me across the tiny distance separating our faces. It’s the same kind of piercing look he gave me earlier when he glamoured me to take away my fear but the feeling stealing over me right now is the furthest thing from the content emptiness a glamour gives you. _

_ “Anything for you,” he grins. _

“Nothing,” I say, but it sounds weak to my own ears. Hakyeon scoffs. 

“Nothing’s going on,” I try again, stronger this time. “He just wanted to help me-”

“Do you know who Jaehwan is?”

My mouth snaps shut. 

“I see that you do. Do you know what happened to him in the end? What happened to Sanghyuk?”

I shake my head no, tiny uncertain movements. “I don’t think it’s your place to tell me-”

“Not my place?” Hakyeon scoffs again, this time in disbelief. “The last time Sanghyuk got entangled with a human I had to stop him from killing himself. Do you know what that feels like? To know someone you love more than yourself is going through so much pain that they would rather die?”

There is nothing to say. 

“Hyung!” comes the thud on the door and Sanghyuk’s angry voice. “Enough!”

Hakyeon comes towards me and I flinch at his raised hands, panicking when he cups my cheeks and looks into my eyes. Is he glamouring me to drink me dry? Is he going to snap my neck? 

But what happens next is not the cool serenity of a glamour that I’ve only recently come to experience - I blink furiously but in front of me is no longer Hakyeon’s face bathed in moonlight - I’m looking out of someone else’s eyes at - 

_ My heart hurts. It hurts so horribly it feels literally like it is splitting in two and I never knew what ‘heartbreak’ could feel like before this. I need to find him soon and discover what’s happening to him - I’ve never been this scared -  _

_ I follow my instincts. They’ve never let me down when it comes to Sanghyuk, and weaving through palace building and palace building in the darkness I finally, finally find him.  _

_ He’s sitting in the garden near what I’ve found out is his prince’s chambers - I followed him one time, of course I did. Nobody can fault me for wanting to protect him, for wanting to know just what he was getting himself into - and he’s hunched over a body lying in his lap.  _

_ Feeding-? This openly-? But then I belatedly realise it’s not the sounds of feeding. Sanghyuk is sobbing. _

_ He has never cried in the short years he’s been with me - always laughing, shouting - and this is not normal crying. This crying is more like desperation breaking a body in half with its wracking gasps and sharp sobs, where you’re crying because there is no other way to contain or release what you are feeling.  _

_ “Hyukkie?” I say tentatively, coming up to him slowly so as not to scare him. He raises his bloodstained face to me - the blood tears are stark against his skin, but there’s also smudged blood around his mouth. I glance quickly at the body in his arms - it’s Jaehwan, and his neck is torn.  _

_ “Hyukkie, what happened?” _

_ “They - poisoned - him,” he tells me in shuddering halts, body shaking with the effort of getting the words out. “I - tried to - suck it out - I couldn’t-” _

_ I stare at the prince’s body in horror. He’s dead, and now I’m looking for it I can see the vomit bubbled over his chin and robe - the fine silk dirtied irrevocably now - and it’s hard to look away from Jaehwan’s staring dead eyes. He had been handsome and statuesque in life and this is nothing like him -  _

_ “Sanghyuk, did you say you tried to suck it out?” _

_ I have no idea what poison this is - if it had managed to seep into the prince’s blood and Sanghyuk had drunk even some of it -  _

_ My head snaps up. Marching sounds, and shouting. Sanghyuk with his bloodied face and the prince with bite wounds.  _

_ “Sanghyuk, we need to go now,” I say, grabbing his arm. He fights me, clinging on to his dead prince and when I touch him the overwhelming pain that washes over me through our bond almost brings me to my knees. “Sanghyuk, please. They’re coming, a lot of them. Don’t make me order you.” _

_ “I don’t care,” he sobs. “I don’t care.” _

_ “Sanghyuk, follow me. Now.” I have no choice, and I don’t regret the look of fury that passes over his face when he has to stand up and follow me away, Jaehwan’s body dropping to the grass as Sanghyuk lets go. _

_ “Hyung, no!” he begs, his body moving according to my order - he has to obey me, it’s innate maker-child magic - “Please, please, I don’t want to leave him-” _

_ I don’t let him stop. I don’t let go of the order until we are back in our house, and the moment I let it slip he rushes for the door. I have to wrestle him to the ground and order him once more to stop, and he lies in my arms shaking with how hard he’s crying.  _

_ I cry too, and I hold him for hours until the sun comes up. _

I slowly come to notice that Hakyeon is resting his forehead against mine once the memory ends, and at some point I’ve grabbed his wrists for support. My tears feel hot against my skin, and I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I could block out what I’ve just seen and Sanghyuk’s intense hopelessness sitting heavy in my chest I can’t seem to erase with a few deep breaths. 

“One day soon after that I caught him waiting for the sun to rise and if I had been just two minutes late I would have found a pile of ash. I had to watch him for months. I didn’t dare let him out of the house. He hated me for it but I didn’t care. Time heals all wounds, after all,” Hakyeon whispers into the breathspace between us. “And all we have as vampires is time.”

So I’m going to ask you again - what is going on between the two of you?”

“Nothing,” I manage to say, and Hakyeon just stares at me. 

“Nothing will happen,” I amend, feeling my heart drop. He releases me. 

“Good.”

*

I pace furiously, impotently, around the living room floor. I can’t believe what Hakyeon hyung is doing. I cannot believe he would do this - why would he bring up Jaehwan to Taekwoon - why in this circumstance - 

I savagely push aside the quiet voice that whispers  _ you know why _ and continue to pace. 

“Sit down, Hyukkie,” Hongbin hyung says, and it’s his no-nonsense voice. It’s very rare, this voice, and this isn’t the first time it’s been directed at me. I consider disobeying. He’s not Hakyeon hyung, and he can’t force me. 

“Sit, Hyukkie, please,” Wonsik hyung asks in his soft, deep voice, and I find that I don’t have the capacity to fight both Hakyeon hyung and these two as well. I sit heavily on the sofa. 

“How could you?” Wonsik hyung says, and the hurt and worry in his voice makes me hate myself even more. I know it was a stupid thing to do, but I was helping Taekwoon and it was not to piss people off or to dive headfirst into danger on purpose. But the fact is - I knew it would worry and scare everybody if they found out and I went ahead and did it anyway.

“Hakyeon hyung was out of his mind. He came rushing home like a crazy person and when he saw you weren’t here he just - do you know how fucking frightening it is to see him be completely at a loss?”

Hongbin hyung’s tone is hard and unforgiving, and I know I deserve it. But I cannot be present here in this conversation - or this lecturing - while half of me is in that room with Taekwoon and Hakyeon hyung wondering what the hell is going on. It’s been completely silent for the past couple of minutes and I’m going mad wondering what’s happening and if Hakyeon hyung has hurt Taekwoon - 

Crying. I can hear crying.

All three of us turn our heads at the same time towards Namjoo’s room and I feel so horrified I can’t speak. What is Hakyeon hyung doing to make Taekwoon cry like this? 

It silences even Hongbin hyung. Wonsik puts a hand to his mouth, frowning, and when Hakyeon hyung opens the door and walks out alone to go into his room without a glance at us Wonsik gets up to limp after him. 

“Don’t,” Hongbin hyung warns, but I get up to go to Taekwoon anyway.

*

“What happened in there?”

I walk in with a bit of difficulty - when will my feet heal fully - and sit down next to him on the bed, seeing him pause and just stare at the opposite wall. 

“I feel exhausted,” he murmurs instead of answering me. “Why doesn’t he understand how dangerous it is?”

“I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t know,” I say, putting a hand on Hakyeon hyung’s back. “He just felt that whatever it is they went out to do was more important. You know him.”

“I just keep thinking over and over that I’m going to lose him for good. They’re going to catch him and kill him somehow or hurt him even more and I won’t be able to rescue him next time. He just won’t  _ listen _ -” Hakyeon hyung turns to me, pleading for understanding, and I know he’s fighting back emotion from the way his voice has gone thick. “He didn’t listen to me then and he’s not listening to me now.”

“Do you really think this has something to do with Jaehwan?” I ask carefully. “That’s a sensitive subject. He was really upset when he heard you.”

“I know,” Hakyeon hyung shakes his head. “There  _ is _ something between them, him and Taekwoon. No matter what if Taekwoon doesn’t get him killed through carelessness now in the end Taekwoon will die, as a human, and then what if Sanghyuk tries to-” he stops.

I didn’t know before tonight that Sanghyuk had tried to kill himself over Jaehwan’s death. It was a shock to both me and Hongbin, and obviously Sanghyuk was upset at that fact being effectively broadcast to all of us. 

I think about Hongbin dying. Every day in the facility when I woke up and Hongbin was still there with me instead of being thankful I prepared myself for the next day when he wouldn’t be. Watching them hurt him and watching him try not to show it so as not to affect me - and then watching  _ him _ watch them hurt  _ me _ \- and he always looked more destroyed when it was my turn with the blades and the fire. If Hongbin had died in that place I’m not sure I wouldn’t have tried to follow him either. What’s eternity without him?

“Not if Sanghyuk turns him,” I murmur carefully, not knowing how Hakyeon hyung will take this.

He turns to look me straight in the face with wide eyes.

“Look at what Taekwoon has already done. Turned his back on his own government, tried to help Sanghyuk escape. Do you really think he’d be so averse to the idea? You yourself said there’s something between them.”

He doesn’t reply for several long moments. 

“Would it be so bad for Sanghyuk to fall in love again, hyung?” I ask, and let no one say I haven’t learnt a little of the art of manipulation over these long years. 

Hakyeon hyung gives me a look, and then frowns, looking down at his hands. “Of course not,” he replies softly. “But if Taekwoon is the one - and if it will work out - and if Taekwoon wants to be turned - these are all huge ifs.

And I can’t see him hurt again,” Hakyeon lets his head fall heavy onto my shoulder - lucky for him it’s the uninjured one - and the sigh he gives is the most tired I’ve ever heard.

*

“Taekwoon? What happened? Why were you crying?”

I figure it’s probably not a good idea to go in firing questions like this but this has been one fucking hell of a night and I’m strung out. The tear tracks on Taekwoon’s face glint in the moonlight coming through the window and - there must be something wrong with me but he’s beautiful like this. 

He quickly rubs at his face and takes a deep breath. “He - I didn’t know you could do that, but - he showed me a memory. From when-” he glances up at me, and stops. 

“When Jaehwan died?” I force myself to say.

“Yes,” he murmurs.

“Why?”

“I think..” he averts his face, and picks at the bedcover. “He’s scared you and I - I mean I told him nothing was going on, which is the truth, but he thinks something is, and-” he stops again, biting his lip. “He thinks you helped me tonight because you -  _ we _ \- have. Feelings. And I told him it’s not true.”

I don’t even know where to start.

Yes, I have feelings for you, but you don’t have feelings for me.

No, I don’t have feelings for you, but you have feelings for me.

Neither of us have feelings for each other.

We both have feelings for each other. 

Yes, we’re both pretending we don’t have feelings for each other. 

“Feelings,” is the only thing I end up saying, and Taekwoon nods. He looks miserable, and I hate that Hakyeon hyung showed him that particular memory. I don’t know what it must have looked like from his point of view but he only found me once Jaehwan was already dead. When I came to Jaehwan as usual that evening I got to watch him die. 

“You loved him so much,” Taekwoon whispers unexpectedly, and it’s silly to feel like I can’t breathe when I haven’t needed to for years. When I think of Jaehwan it’s great highs and plunging lows - love and despair both entwined so tightly it’s the same thing. “I lied to you.”

“What?” 

“I told you I’d never been in love. I have.”

“Oh,” I say. “Did she or he die, too?”

He looks at me, struggling with himself, and for a terrible moment I think  _ oh god they really did die _ until his mouth twists in a reluctant smile. “No. She just left me.”

I sit down next to him and bob my head sympathetically, giving my chest time to loosen. 

“I don’t know why I felt the need to tell you. That I lied.”

“Well, we’ve both loved and lost, then. Yay for us.”

“Do you still love him?”

And there it is. 

“Yes. No.”

He nods like he knows what I mean. I suppose he does.

“I miss holding her,” he says. “What about you?”

“...I miss seeing him smile at me.”

“I miss her perfume. It was lovely.”

“I miss his singing.”

“I miss the way she used to - she did this thing when she was embarrassed, she would squeeze her eyes shut and scrunch up her whole face. It was so endearing.”

“I miss the way he used to get mad if I beat him at chess.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He was horrible. So competitive.”

“I miss holding hands with her.”

“Me too. It was one thing I always loved to do. It’s such a simple thing, but - it’s special.”

And in a movement so significant I felt it like a slap, Taekwoon moves his hand away from resting between us on the bedcover to in his lap. 

There is nothing more to say after that.


	14. Chapter 14

“Well, this is excruciating,” Hongbin murmurs softly to me as only a vampire can and he deserves the double looks of annoyance he gets from both Hakyeon hyung and Sanghyuk. Taekwoon doesn’t hear him but he does see the other two flick twin glares his way and he purses his lips with a tiny frown.

It’s the living room tableau from hell. Me and Hongbin are sitting in the armchairs after doing our practice walks around the living room to ease us back into walking properly (Hakyeon hyung’s idea, of course) and Hakyeon hyung, Taekwoon and Sanghyuk are each sitting in carefully calibrated distances from one another. Obviously, conversation is stilted to say the absolute least.

It’s been two days since Hyukkie’s ill-planned jaunt outside with Taekwoon. Okay, I’m not being fair calling it a _jaunt_ \- Taekwoon needed to see his family. I understand that. On one hand, I completely get where Hakyeon hyung is coming from and that makes everything more difficult. If he says things are dangerous enough to warrant hiring the fae to use their magic on us I absolutely trust him. On the other hand, I don’t think Hakyeon hyung is being sympathetic enough to Taekwoon’s situation - he’s basically isolated, cut off from all his friends and family, stuck inside this house with people he barely knows unable to come and go, and now that Hakyeon hyung has outright flung a spanner in the works of whatever him and Hyukkie were apparently developing - Binnie’s right. It’s excruciating. I’m not sure how much longer this can last before someone explodes. Hopefully, that person won’t be me.

Hakyeon hyung hasn’t even left the apartment for the past days, he trusts them that little. Instead he got someone to deliver blood to us - it was one of Hongbin’s friends, and he was so happy to see her it was a little pathetic. The five of us cooped up in this house are like animals in a cage and she looked a little shellshocked at how excited Hongbin was to see a new face. Even Sanghyuk perked up a bit, taking a break from being determinedly angry at Hakyeon hyung and mooning over Taekwoon.

That’s another thing that’s excruciating - watching those two steal glances at each other when they think the other isn’t looking as if the rest of us can’t see them do it.

I don’t know what exactly is going on - or was going on, because they both are avoiding looking or speaking to each other directly since that day - but it’s clear it’s not over yet as much as they’re trying to pretend nothing’s happening. They move around in this tentative, awkward, _painful_ dance of small glances, overly polite talk and quiet awareness of each other and it’s almost as bad as if they were ignoring each other outright. On top of it all, Hakyeon hyung has to deal with an angry Sanghyuk - and Hakyeon hyung deserves it, in my opinion - _plus_ being able to feel Hyukkie’s emotions through their bond. I’ve caught him more than once taking deep breaths and trying to rub his chest like he could loosen the tightness in it.

I look at Hongbin and he looks at me and we decide silently to go for another round around the house. Anything to get away from these three’s suffocating aura.

Hakyeon hyung twists around in his seat once we’re halfway around the living room, holding on to each other for support. “You’re both healing well,” he says, and it’s an empty statement because he goes over all our wounds every day when we wake up and it’s nothing new to him. But it’s something to say and it fills up the space, and it makes Sanghyuk look up with a hopeful expression.

“Yeah. Probably no more than a week to go till everything’s alright,” Hongbin answers. “Though we probably should get some fresh blood again soon.”

I see the quick flick of Hyukkie’s eyes to Taekwoon and then to Hakyeon and then back to Taekwoon again because I’m watching out for it, but Hakyeon hyung’s not so careless as to say anything about us feeding on Taekwoon right now.

“I’ll speak to Chungha and Jungmo,” he agrees. “Tomorrow when they come back from work.”

And then - unintentionally, because Hakyeon hyung really had just been trying to focus on something positive - the big elephant in the room rears its head. Sanghyuk needs to have fresh blood too for his hand’s healing, not the bagged type he’s been drinking, but if Hongbin and I feed on Chungha and Jungmo there’ll be nothing left for him. Unless Hakyeon hyung goes out and brings someone glamoured home for him; or, of course... unless Taekwoon lets Sanghyuk drink from him. We all go quiet for a few moments thinking about this because it’s so _obvious_ \- to have a perfectly healthy human on hand but not feed on him especially at a time when we need to lay low - especially when Sanghyuk is just going to take what he needs and the most Taekwoon will feel is a little fatigue for a few hours. Personally I’ve been thinking of Taekwoon as Sanghyuk’s human ever since he came here.

“I should contact Sungjae or Namjoo and ask them if they plan to return any time soon,” Hakyeon hyung mutters, not because it makes sense, but just to say something other than what everyone’s thinking. Sanghyuk is positively bristling while Taekwoon has become smaller, somehow, sunk into his seat.

“My hand’s healing fine,” Sanghyuk says curtly. “Look.” He holds it out and truly - maybe because he’s the second oldest out of all of us but his healing really has been much faster than Hongbin’s and mine. His fingers are almost regrown to the first knuckle, and though it still looks wrong and unnerving he could have his whole hand back by the time Hongbin and I are recovered fully too. However, this only begs the question of how much faster he could be healing if he were getting regular fresh blood from Taekwoon, and I know Hongbin’s thinking this too by the look on his face.

“If you need-” Taekwoon begins in a small voice, and Sanghyuk doesn’t even let him finish.

“No.”

Oh, my god. This is going to kill all of us.

“Can we go up on the roof?” I ask, feeling desperate. “Just for a short while.”

“Good idea. We’ll all go up on the roof,” Hakyeon hyung nods, and Hongbin rolls his eyes.

“Not all of us. Just me and Hongbin. We need the fresh air.”

Taekwoon looks up in alarm because - if the two of us go then he’s stuck here with Hyukkie and Hakyeon hyung. To be honest, I feel bad for him but - sorry, human.

“I don’t-” Hakyeon hyung starts to protest, but Hongbin begins to whine and because this side of him is so rare Hakyeon hyung doesn’t stand a chance. It makes me grin inside to see it - we all have our ways of getting around Hakyeon hyung when we need to. Sanghyuk acts the baby, Hongbin drops his straightforward no-aegyo image and I pile on the affection. Hakyeon hyung is very much in charge but we’ve all also got him wrapped around our collective little finger.

We’re out of the house in seconds, ignoring Sanghyuk’s stony expression or Taekwoon’s mute looks of appeal.

“Do you need me to help you up the stairs-” Hakyeon hyung calls concernedly from the doorway - softly, because it wouldn’t do to forget we’re living in a human environment right now and it’s 2a.m. - and I flap at him with one hand, my other arm around Hongbin’s waist as we disappear into the stairwell.

The roof is only a few more storeys up - Jungmo and Chungha live in one of the older apartment blocks, built when Seoul wasn’t so developed so they used to make them shorter. It’s a bit strange to think that we’ve seen Seoul rise from the ashes after the war into what it’s become today, but only strange in the way that life is, generally. If it’s still surreal to me at times I wonder then what it’s like for Hakyeon hyung and Hyukkie.

“Do you think Hyukkie hates that he has to call us ‘hyung’ even though he’s so much older than us?” I ask once we’re settled on the roof and looking up at the stars. Were they the same stars when Hakyeon hyung was born?

The feeling of space and freedom up here after days in the apartment is staggering. The night sky opens up above us and in front of us and in the vastness of the dark sprinkled with stars - I love that we can still see stars even though the city is so bright - alone here with Hongbin I feel like I can breathe again; figuratively, of course. I’ve always liked being alone. Alone but not lonely, Hakyeon says about me. I can go for weeks with no one but Hongbin. He’s the exception.

I realise my thoughts are running ahead before me, like they usually do, and that I haven’t heard Hongbin’s answer to my question. I do that to him a lot, apparently; I get so absorbed in something that I don’t hear when he’s talking to me, and it always makes me feel bad. I still haven’t shaken off fully the mortal feeling of ‘life is short’ - and I can’t help thinking instinctively when I realise I haven’t been listening that I’ve missed something of Hongbin that I’m never going to get back and that I will regret when this life is over - and then I remember.

Hongbin’s leant his head on my shoulder as we sit back against the roof’s barricade, tender like this only in solitude. I treasure it. I treasure him, more than anything, and times like these when I realise how close we both came to losing each other -

“I love you,” I tell him.

“I know,” he replies. I have to pinch him to make him say it back. His laughter is the most beautiful thing.

“I know what you’re thinking about. I’d rather just forget about all of that.”

“It’s a bit hard,” I say, slightly sarcastic.

“Even so,” he murmurs, shifting to get more comfortable against me and taking one of my hands to twine our fingers together. “I want to forget it ever happened.”

“It’s going to be difficult to get back to the way we used to live,” I muse. “I’m always going to be worrying, now.”

“That’s why we’re going abroad,” Hongbin says, tilting his head up to look at me. “So things can go back to normal. Probably Japan, right? To Hakyeon hyung’s house there.”

“What about Hyukkie, though?”

“What about him?”

“Binnie, come on. Like you don’t know what I mean.”

“You mean his human fetish?”

“ _Hongbin_.”

“You’re just a sap. Once we’re in Japan and away from Taekwoon Sanghyuk will get over him. Whatever there _is_ to get over. It’s probably just infatuation and - I don’t know - misplaced gratitude.”

“We’re leaving him behind?”

“Do you really think Hakyeon hyung will want to bring him along now?”

“But we can’t just leave him! What’s he going to do?”

“I don’t know. But hyung’s priorities will clearly not include him.”

“That’s just mean. That’s more than mean, that’s cruel. We can’t just leave him. He’ll still be hunted.”

“Why do you care so much about him?” Hongbin sits up and gives me a puzzled look.

“Because. Because he tried to save Sanghyuk. And he’s a good person, I feel it - don’t laugh, you asshole. I _do_.”

“Well - yeah. I haven’t told you how he came to see me in the facility.”

“He did?”

“He looked so horrified when he saw me. It was right after one of our lovely sessions, you know. Just staring at me like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, not like the other humans who dealt with us. He told me his name, asked for mine and yours. Talked to me like a person. It was a bit of a surprise to see him here with Hyukkie when I fully came to myself again.”

I’m quiet for a while, taking all this in. I feel for Taekwoon, and maybe it is because I am a sap like Hongbin says, but - but.

“I just feel like him and Hyukkie should have the chance to see if what they have between them could actually be something. A Sanghyuk in love would really be something to see.”

“I never knew about what happened with Jaehwan. That he tried to off himself. Sanghyuk’s so level-headed it seems crazy that he would ever be affected by emotion like that.”

“Right? There’s a whole side of him we don’t know. And I totally get why Hakyeon hyung is scared but this could be a really good thing that we shouldn’t be interfering with.”

“And what if they’re just headed for disaster? Jaehwan version two? I’m totally not ruling out the possibility that Hyukkie really does have a human fetish, by the way.”

“Listen, everyone’s first love always breaks your heart. That’s what it’s meant to do. But second love is the real thing. Look at us.”

“...I thought _I_ was your first love.”

“What? No, I’m pretty sure I told you about Jiyoung.”

“Who’s Jiyoung! Kim Wonsik! How can you have kept this from me for fifty years?”

“I told you!”

“You did _not._ ”

“Well. I had a girlfriend before you. Cho Jiyoung. In school.”

“Wow. What else have you not told me? Do you have children somewhere? Are you the secret heir to a chaebol?”

“Yes. I have one more secret.”

“What!”

“I love you.”

“I’m going to push you off this fucking roof.”

*

I go to take a shower, because that’s the only place in the house I can be alone in right now. It’s going to be an extra-long shower, and I don’t care how much Hakyeon hyung’s going to have to reimburse Chung-Jung for their water and electricity bills because if things carry on in this way I foresee a lot of long showers in my future.

I can’t stop thinking about feeding from Taekwoon ever since Hakyeon hyung brought up the issue of fresh blood for Hongbin and Wonsik hyungs. The entire mess of this situation where Taekwoon is staying away from me on purpose and I still can’t and won’t forgive Hakyeon hyung for revealing the memory of Jaehwan’s death to him is a big ugly malformed root that’s being whittled and honed into a fine thorn in my side and the great cherry on top of this shit cake is that I. Cannot. Stop. Thinking. About. Drinking. Taekwoon.

I turn on the water full-blast, like it can somehow beat these thoughts right out of my head.

I’m done lying to myself - it’ll just be pathetic if I continue to do so. I’m attracted to him. I want him to want me to drink from him. I want that bond of possession, I want every vampire to be able to sense my mark on him. I want him to be as open with me as he used to be. I want to know his history, his life; I almost wish we were back in the facility, playing our game, exchanging knowledge about each other. I feel him moving about this house like he is a firebrand or a magnet and the longer he is cold towards me the more intensely frustrated I get. It took Hakyeon hyung warning him off for me to realise how much I wanted him, so - thanks for that, hyung.

This liking-a-challenge thing is not healthy. Nor is wanting what I cannot have even more because I’m not allowed to have it - I wonder if that’s a bit of Jaehwan that’s rubbed off on me and stuck.

Maybe that’s not really right - it’s not really the chase that I’m interested in. But now that I can’t reach out and touch him whenever I want to or talk to him as normal or be with him the loss _stings_ a surprising amount. It’s put everything in perspective. Also I suppose it means something that I want to spend hours talking to him and teasing him and answering his questions as much as I want to touch -

I’m not going to go there. Not yet. Blood and sex and intimacy - not yet. No.

Would he be like Jaehwan? Warm, soft perfect skin, so vocal. Revelling in his body, always in charge, loving to be praised. Insatiable.

I knock on my head with my good hand. I _said_ I wasn’t going to think about this.

But - drinking from him. I hate that he offered - again - in the way that he did, hesitantly, like he felt he had to instead of wanted to. But what if I’d agreed? What if I’d said, sure, let’s do it? What would he have done?

I could have gotten to be close to him alone, gotten to talk to him, gotten to put my mouth to his neck -

I lift my hand and give my head another rap with my knuckles, harder this time. It’s like the moment I finally acknowledged what I felt about him the floodgates opened.

Why do I like him? He’s as different from Jaehwan as can be, so it’s not some perverse replacement. What if it’s really like what the hyungs think and I have some kind of thing for humans? I’ve met many humans since Jaehwan, though, and I’ve never wanted any of them like this. What if it’s the eternal vampire disease of nothing else but sheer _boredom_? Or what if it’s some kind of post-traumatic attachment? Stockholm syndrome? I’m not sure if stockholm syndrome is right but whatever. That sort of thing. I only think I have feelings for him because he was the only one there for me during a traumatic time - that’s possible, isn’t it?

But now that the traumatic time has more or less passed why are my feelings only growing stronger? I put myself in _danger_ for him. Part of why I’m so angry at Hakyeon hyung is because - I think I didn’t want Taekwoon to see me like that, at my lowest and most broken. I don’t want him to pity me. I want him to know me as I am now. Jaehwan is solidly - most of the time - in the past.

I don’t think I was imagining that he was responding to me. The way his heart beat faster every time I touched him or was close to him - no, I wasn’t imagining it.

That’s the other reason why I’m so angry with Hakyeon hyung. I have been effectively cockblocked. I can’t even do anything about these feelings I’ve accepted I have because Hakyeon has scared him off so well. And I’m angry about being angry with Hakyeon because I also know what I’ve put him through these past weeks, and all those years ago.

Ugh.

I sit down on the cold tile and let the hot water pound down on me. It feels like I’m in a pocket existing outside of time with only the sound of the water surrounding me, my eyes closed. If only I could stay here forever.

_Something’s off about Jaehwan when I wake up - I haven’t gone home in two nights and I’m testing Hakyeon hyung’s patience, I know. The sun has just set beyond the horizon and the last moments of the day sky is beautiful from what I can see, peeping out of a window from my place in a careful shadow. It’ll be a cool night, perfect for a walk. Maybe we can go out later, stroll between the dark trees hand in hand and play our game of pretending the entire palace is ours. Jaehwan is king and I’m - I’m not sure what I am, because ‘king’s consort’ sounds silly and I am no concubine. King’s.. lover. King’s husband. It’s stupid and I’ll never say it out loud, because Jaehwan will laugh at me until he has tears in his eyes._

_Jaehwan is breathing fast, small short breaths like he’s been running. He won’t sit with me but paces tightly, shooting me looks ever so often._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_Jaehwan laughs, and it’s brittle._

_“Sanghyuk, I-” he stops, and laughs again. The sound is helpless, and it’s starting to scare me. “I was so careless, Sanghyuk.”_

_“Why? What were you careless about?” I ask, rising to my feet and going to him. His hands are cold and clammy when I take them in mine, and once more - that terrible laugh._

_“I really didn’t think they’d use poison. I thought - an assassin in the night is more their style.” He crumples against me and I grab at him, horrified, his hands going limp as he doubles over in pain._

_“Not - here - outside-” he gasps, clutching his stomach, and I’m going to pieces. I don’t know what he means or what has happened - it’s been barely minutes since I awoke - but in the back of my panicked mind I take in the water pitcher on the little bedside table and the fine cup and water spilled across the floor._

_“What happened? Jaehwan!”_

_He stumbles to the door and opens it - there are no maids where they are supposed to be, and I feel like I already know what all this means even as I struggle to comprehend it. For months things have been leading up to this point but every day that went on as normal I pushed the knowledge of the inevitable further and further to the back of my mind._

_Jaehwan falls over the porch to sprawl onto the grass below and I have to stop myself from screaming. But maybe I should - scream for help -_

_“Sanghyuk,” he rasps out, and I scramble to get to him._

_I cradle his head gently in my lap and in the new moonlight he looks even paler than usual, gulping convulsively and one of his hands clenching and unclenching in my robe. “Sanghyuk - thank you - being with me-.”_

_He vomits, body wracked with the throbs of his stomach trying to get rid of the poison, but it’s too late. Even I know that. There’s blood in his vomit, blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth._

_I don’t even realise I’m crying until a crimson drop falls onto his cheek. But - no - what am I doing! I can stop this -_

_“Jaehwan, I’m going to turn you. I can save you. The pain will stop and you will live. But you have to let me turn you. Do you understand? Say yes. Say I can turn you. Please.”_

_“Turn me?” He gasps._

_“No. No, Sanghyuk. No.”_

No.

I let my head thud back against the bathroom wall. No. And so I uselessly watched him die slowly, painfully, spasms gripping his body until finally he was still. I don’t know how long I was in that garden holding him until Hakyeon hyung came to tear me away.

No.

I’ve replayed this memory so many times in my head that now I can do it almost with no emotion left. I’ve asked myself a thousand times what if I’d tried to suck the poison out of his blood earlier - what if I’d screamed for help and someone had heard me and we’d managed to save him - and the kicker: what if I’d just ignored him and turned him anyway. Would he have hated me for it? Would we still be together now?

There’s no answer and there never can be. Maybe Hakyeon hyung’s right. Getting involved with another human can only be a bad idea.

 _Taekwoon_ , I mouth his name, water falling onto my tongue as if to wash it away. _Taek-woon._

*

The moment Hongbin and Wonsik disappear out the door Sanghyuk stands up and heads off in the direction of the shared bathroom, and I’m horrifically left alone with Hakyeon. He takes one look at me and thankfully, thankfully, leaves for his bedroom, but the look wasn’t really one of anger or disgust - more embarrassment? I don’t know. I don’t know anymore with all these damn vampires.

I’m alone for the first time in - I can’t even remember how long. Sanghyuk has always been with me, and right now I ache because of the decision I’ve made to stay away from him. Hakyeon has made it clear he doesn’t approve of anything developing between us, even before anything has even developed, and Sanghyuk has made it clear he disapproves of this disapproval and I’m just this idiot trying to do the right thing caught in the middle.

Hakyeon wants me to stay away. Sanghyuk hasn’t even… made any obvious moves. I don’t know what he wants from me. I don’t know what _I_ want from _him_ , just that I want something. The moment I had to deny it outright I knew I couldn’t do so truthfully.

Falling for a vampire, Jung Taekwoon. Good job. Especially one that teases you and mocks you and only calls you ‘hyung’ ironically. How will we even work this out? Becoming nocturnal is one thing. How will I ever tell anybody about him? ‘Hi, meet Sanghyuk. He’s a vampire but don’t worry, he won’t bite.’ Will I have to live with Hakyeon and the other two forever?

 _Forever_. I will die, someday, but he will stay young forever. Unless I -

The thought is too huge for my head, for my heart, and I can’t even articulate it. I can’t - I won’t? I don’t want to. Will it matter?

My hands have gone cold. I don’t want to die. But it won’t be true death, will it?

I’m getting horribly ahead of myself and take deep breaths to calm myself down but now that the thought has settled in my head I can’t get rid of it. I’m aware of every breath I take and the way my lungs expand in my chest - what will it feel like to have that silent forever? To not have to breathe? To be able to heal no matter what injury I sustain? To be able to share memories like Hakyeon can, to be impossibly strong, to see Korea change before my eyes -

I’m not thinking of the obvious, the biggest thing that will change. I don’t want to think about it. Even if Sanghyuk says vampires don’t need to kill to feed - no. I’m pushing that thought firmly out of my head.

I wish I could talk to Sanghyuk about it.

The water’s been running in the shower for more than ten minutes now and I wonder when he’s going to come out. I’ve never seen him fresh from a shower, and it’s a little pathetic how I’m looking forward to it. Wet hair, clean skin. I want to see him in every way. Every possible way.

I’m in a mess in a mess in a mess, like russian nesting dolls. One thing after another.

*


	15. Chapter 15

It takes a lot for me to go into their room and prepare myself for what I may have to answer, but as usual I don’t even have to say anything. I go in and sit down on the edge of their bed and Wonsik just has to take one look at me.

“You feel bad, don’t you hyung?”

I make a disgruntled face, and Hongbin just laughs. “We were wondering how long you could hold out with Hyukkie being mad at you like this.”

“I shouldn’t have done what I did,” I admit. “I took it out on the wrong person.”

“What do you mean, took it out?”

“I wanted to blame the human for what happened. I think I wanted to believe he’s the reason why Hyuk put himself in danger and disobeyed me.”

“Well, yes and no,” Wonsik shrugs. “He definitely didn’t force Hyukkie. But you panicked because you thought it’s because Sanghyuk cannot make clear-headed decisions when it comes to Taekwoon.”

“I don’t know how long Hyuk is going to be angry with me this time,” I pout. “I don’t know how to make it up to him.”

“Tell him he can fuck the human with your blessings,” Hongbin says blandly, _on purpose_ , and Wonsik obligingly leans aside in the middle of his burst of laughter so I can reach and hit Hongbin. Gently, in an area he isn’t injured. But with _feeling_.

“Is that really how things are between them?” I ask stubbornly.

“What, that Hyukkie wants to fuck him?” Hongbin says with his angel face, and I _swear._

“Look at how they’ve been acting around each other for the past two days,” Wonsik interrupts before I can hit Hongbin again. “All the longing looks and sad faces. It’s kind of sweet.”

“I think you mean gross,” Hongbin chimes in primly.

“I mean sweet,” Wonsik repeats. “I don’t think you can keep them apart when we’re all stuck in this apartment together, anyway.”

I flop back onto the bed. “This is still a bad idea and I’m not going to change my mind. Humans and vampires are not meant to mix like this. If he refuses to turn for Hyuk it will be a disaster.”

“Give them credit that they can work it out. They have to communicate. Communication is very important,” Wonsik says reasonably, and Hongbin starts sniggering.

“Check out the love guru over here,” he elbows Wonsik in the ribs, but the moment Wonsik makes a pained face he stops laughing instantly and is all apologies and gentle hands.

I watch them both until they realise what I’m doing and Wonsik blushes while Hongbin protests the sappy look on my face. These two were made for each other no matter how much they bicker and no matter how much Hongbin will never admit it out loud. But then Hongbin is a butt.

“He’s thinking how nice if Sanghyuk could have what we have,” Wonsik declares sagely.

“All I have is a boyfriend who keeps secrets from me,” Hongbin says. “Hyung, have you ever heard of Cho Jiyoung?”

“He called you his boyfriend,” I ignore Hongbin and tell Wonsik. Of course I know about Jiyoung, but it wouldn’t surprise me to know Wonsik has forgotten to mention her to Hongbin when hardly anything or anyone else matters to him when Hongbin is in the room. Honestly, I’m not sure how Hongbin stands Wonsik sometimes with his ‘love’ setting stuck permanently at 500%. More than this, I appreciate the change of subject. Of course I want Sanghyuk to have someone, but - a human? _Another_ human?

“I know,” Wonsik squees, clasping his hands together and radiating hearteyes. Hongbin throws his hands into the air in mock surrender.

“What are they doing out there right now?” Hongbin asks, refusing to look at Wonsik who’s batting his eyelashes at him. Ah, here we are back on those two again anyway.

“Hyukkie stomped off to Sungjae’s room after his bath and he hasn’t come out yet. I assume he’s avoiding Taekwoon who’s sitting in the living room glaring at a book.”

“We need to bring them together somehow,” Wonsik muses.

“No, we _don’t_ ,” I glower, hating how scared I feel.

“Let love take its course, hyung,” Wonsik tells me sternly, and Hongbin looks like he’s going to roll his eyes but then grins.

“Yeah. Not like you don’t know what it’s like to be in love,” he says, and smiles like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth even at the death stare I immediately turn on him. He _wouldn’t_.

“How is Wongeun hyung these days?” Wonsik asks sweetly, and _this_ is another reason why these two devils belong together. They are never, ever going to let me live this down.

“Goodbye,” I say with dignity, and make for the door.

*

I can hear Hakyeon coming out of Wonsik and Hongbin hyungs’ room and so that’s my cue to get out of Sungjae’s - god, I’m dying for Sungjae to come back and save me from this situation. I’m going to escape to the other hyungs’ room and Taekwoon and Hakyeon can go entertain themselves somewhere in the rest of the house. I don’t want to think anymore about any of this; but that’s a lie because even though I purposely don’t look at Taekwoon sitting on the sofa when I exit the room I can still _feel_ him. It’s getting so bad I can almost imagine that from three metres away I can feel the heat emanating from his body and I know, _I know_ what having that body against mine feels like -

“Sanghyuk?” I stop dead. Hakyeon hyung, coming out of the other hyungs’ room, also stops dead. Taekwoon stares warily at the both of us, eyes glancing from one to the other. “Can I speak to you, Sanghyuk?”

Hakyeon hyung opens his mouth but before he can say anything Wonsik hyung yells from their room, “It’s _just talking_ , hyung.”

Hakyeon snaps his mouth shut and with an unreadable expression nods jerkily and walks himself as if by force into Sungjae’s bedroom. When I turn to Taekwoon I’m greeted by pink blushed cheeks from the embarrassment of basically everybody knowing our business; I can tell because while I don’t blush I’m dying inside just the same. Nice to know Wonsik hyung is on my side, though - our side? What side is that exactly, though? I have no idea what they really think is happening. I frown internally, wondering what those hyungs are up to. I’m not exaggerating when I say that if those two are hatching something it’s cause for concern for all innocent bystanders.

“Hyukkie?” Taekwoon says, hesitantly, because I’ve gotten lost in thought standing there. It’s the first time he’s used the affectionate version of my name and he’s self-conscious about it, if the deepening pink of his cheeks is any indication. Oh, it makes him look delicious. Really good. Another thing that’s really good is that _I_ don’t blush, to be honest. Shit, I’m staring at his neck. _Hyukkie._

I sit down in the armchair opposite him and wait. I can smell him; his hair, his skin, Sungjae’s clothes he’s wearing. The sound of his heartbeat in my ears - I’ve long tuned out Chung-Jung’s. I only let his heartbeat play away at the very back of my consciousness no matter how far away he is as if to always keep him close - as gross as that sounds. I’m never telling that to anybody.

“This is very awkward,” he says, fidgeting. “Not just - now. This whole thing. I’m - I got ahead of myself, I think? Because there’s nothing going on between you and I. And there won’t be. Right? And if there isn’t then we don’t need to be acting this weirdly around each other. Right?”

I blink. Is he telling me or trying to convince himself or waiting for me to deny it?

“Right,” I say slowly, watching him, just to see what he says.

He exhales and deflates, totally ignorant of how obvious he is. Oh, Jung Taekwoon, you will never make it as a hardcore international spy. A beat too late, he fixes his disappointed expression, trying to look determined instead. I know the drill: _it’s for the best, it will never work out anyway -_

And here it is, isn’t it? It’s so obvious it’s painful. What do I do with this information? I know what I want. It’s clear what he wants. We could, but _should_ we? I already half-convinced myself in the shower that this isn’t a good idea but - now with him right in front of me practically admitting how he feels -

“I’ve missed having you as my _friend_ so much,” I say, unable to stop myself and beginning to grin on the inside.

“Yes, me too,” he answers a little too flatly. “As someone to talk to.”

“And there’s absolutely nothing going on between us,” I say reasonably, enjoying myself a bit too much. “We’re as platonic as can be. Just good friends. I don’t know what Hakyeon hyung is going on about.”

He frowns slightly. “Just good friends, yes,” he repeats uncertainly.

“And we can spend as much time together as we want without fear of anything happening,” I continue, getting up from my chair and going to sit by him on the sofa. His eyes widen, searching my face, and Hakyeon hyung coming out of Sungjae’s room having put on a jacket and jeans again stops dead in a repeat performance of earlier - seeing me having moved from a safe distance away in the armchair to now right beside Taekwoon on the sofa - and I don’t think he missed the meaningful look I was giving Taekwoon either.

“Going out finally, hyungnim?” I ask, feeling more cheerful than I have in days. I really shouldn’t antagonise him like this, but - he started it.

“..Yes,” he answers, his face looking like he wants to make ten different expressions at once. “I’ll be back really soon. _Please_ don’t leave the house.”

“We won’t,” I smile at him, and I can see him melting. I can _see_ it. He hates it when I’m mad at him and to be honest I expected him to cave sooner - this time around he’s proving to be a tough nut to crack and at the back of my mind I know why.

That fact and his presence gives me pause, though. Teasing Taekwoon is all well and good, but -

I move back slightly from Taekwoon, and I see Hakyeon hyung relax a bit more. HONESTLY THIS DAMN SITUATION.

“Bye, hyung,” I say pointedly, and he gives me a small tight smile.

“I’m bringing you back something you’ll be happy to get,” he tells me before leaving. What could it be? Fresh blood? My laptop? My own clothes? I should get mad at him more often if it means he starts getting me things to pacify me.

I turn back to see Taekwoon smiling slightly at the excited look on my face and a hundred emotions come rushing in at once. How do I even begin to untangle what I feel right now? Overwhelming fondness but also apprehension but also lust but also fear but also longing but also regret but also attraction - again, we could but _should_ we? This could be a disaster waiting to happen. This could already be a disaster happening right now. If I fall in love with him - _really_ fall in love with him -

We’ve just been smiling at each other for the past half a minute. Like idiots.

“Don’t you need to eat?” I blurt out, just to interrupt this - whatever this is. I’m fast running out of words to describe what’s going on.

“I ate earlier. I get up before you guys do, and Chungha noona leaves food for me.”

“What was it today?”

“Leftover galbijjim from their dinner. It was good, but I’m getting a little tired of eating the same thing twice a day.”

I make a sad face. “When I was alive I was too poor to ever eat beef. And now I’ll never taste it. I die a little inside every time I see a steak.”

“What exactly happens if you eat something?”

“Well,” I gesture at my stomach. I really have missed this - us talking, him being curious about everything about me, me basking in his reactions. “Obviously we can’t digest anything. Whatever food we eat just stays in our stomachs. And then it starts to decompose. And it’s not going to come out the usual human way, so..”

He looks horrified. I cackle. “This isn’t firsthand information, I’m not that stupid. Wonsik hyung is, though.”

“He tried it? What happened?”

“We had to turn him upside down and make him throw it all up.”

“Oh, my god,” Taekwoon puts a delicate hand over his mouth. “What did he eat? I hope it was worth it.”

“Fried chicken. He said he doesn’t regret it.”

“I still don’t!” Wonsik’s voice comes from inside his bedroom.

“Stop eavesdropping, hyung! It’s really rude!” I yell back instinctively, and then remember it’s nearly four a.m. and we’re the only nocturnal ones around here. I clap my hands over my mouth and Taekwoon hits me playfully, and we dissolve into giggles.

Realistically: I am immortal and he is human. He will die in about fifty years or so. He will not want to be turned and become a vampire like me, so that’s the most we can have together - fifty years. And I will stay young, just like this, while he grows older and older; I don’t know if that is something that will drive us apart or closer. He will not want to be turned, and I will end up mourning yet another human for the next hundred years.

Idealistically: I am immortal and he is human, but when he admits his feelings for me he will want me to turn him so that we can be together without a deadline. He will be mine and I will be his and we will face everything that comes together.

As my child - oh, wait, that’s a bit screwed up. If I turn him I’ll be his maker and people will be referring to him as my child and that’s gross, oh god. Also older than me in human years but my child… wait, it’s not that bad if I get to tease him for years calling him ‘my child’. ‘My child, come here. My child, bring me my phone.’ It’ll make him so mad, I love it. _He would be Hakyeon hyung’s grandchild._ Hongbin and Wonsik hyungs’ nephew! HAHA.

“What is it?” he’s asking, noting the gleeful look on my face.

Should I just ask him outright? I need to think, quickly quickly -

“Earlier. When you said if I really needed fresh blood - were you about to offer?”

He blinks fast and looks away. “Yeah.”

“Really? You would do that for me?”

“You wouldn’t - drain me. I trust you.”

“Putting aside whether or not my fangs would work - you know it creates a bond.” If I still had a working heart it’d be pounding right about now.

“I thought it was just territorial?”

“More than that, if I drink from you regularly. Because it’s your lifeforce that becomes mine; your blood in my veins.”

“What kind of bond?” He asks quietly, eyes still everywhere but on me.

“Something like the maker-child bond, but not so strong. Emotions, mostly. I will be able to feel an echo of what you’re feeling. You may be able to sense when I’m near, if you’re sensitive to magic.”

“So you have that with Sungjae? And Namjoo?”

I nod, but the context is totally different - they’re my friends. A bond like this where I can feel them and they can sense me doesn’t excite any of us. But with me and Taekwoon -

“It’ll be - different. With you and me.”

“Why?”

He’s staring at my mouth. I realise I’ve moved closer again, and kept my voice down - I don’t want the hyungs to hear so easily. The heat is rising in his cheeks once more with his heartbeat and the entire house falls away. I can’t stop, even if I wanted to.

“More intimate,” I say, voice low, and I’ve never been this bold. I’ve never been the one to take charge - before it was all Jaehwan - I’ve never been the one to pursue, and it would be scary as hell if I weren’t sure of Taekwoon’s reaction. “Special. If we could feel each other-”

He sucks his lower lip into his mouth distractingly, and I watch his adam’s apple bob as he swallows. “Sanghyuk, we’re not-”

“Aren’t we?” I challenge him, voice still even and low. What would Jaehwan do now?

He raises his eyes to mine and I brush the back of my fingers against his cheek - fleetingly but intention undeniable, and god it’s lucky I didn’t hit him in my nervousness - and get up to go into the hyungs’ room without a word. I look back over my shoulder at him just once before I enter their room and - he’s staring at me, one hand raised to his cheek where I caressed him, breathing fast. He looks like I either slapped him or kissed him.

I make myself look away and keep walking though I’m feeling a little light-headed. It’s on now, for better or worse. The decision’s been made.

“What’s up with you?” Hongbin hyung asks when I enter the room, and I wonder if I’m looking as ‘!!!!!’ as I feel. I can’t find my voice to answer him right away.

*

What just happened? _What_ just happened?

I’m sitting alone like a fool with one hand on my cheek and staring at where Sanghyuk was last before he disappeared into Wonsik and Hongbin’s room. He - caressed my cheek. And hinted very heavily he wants to drink from me. Is that it? He wants to drink from me?

I can’t even process things properly right now. He said we’re just friends, but then everything that came after that - what’s happening?? Was he coming on to me? Surely that’s - after two days of avoiding me -

I slowly bring my other hand to my other cheek. I don’t know what’s happening. All I know was when he was leaning in close and dropping his voice low talking about drinking from me and being able to feel each other I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I did mean it; if he needs to drink from me to heal his hand faster it wouldn’t be a problem, if his fangs come back. I’ve had enough time to think about it. I know he won’t suddenly go crazy and kill me, and I know the wounds will heal. Whether my intentions are wholly pure and altruistic and whether or not I’m thinking of that night the fae came and he had his mouth on me testing out his fangs are two completely different matters right now.

Two months ago the thought of a vampire feeding on me was entirely abhorrent. Now it makes my blood heat. The bond he spoke of with Namjoo and Sungjae - I never knew such a thing existed before and now it makes me jealous, almost. Why shouldn’t it be me?

But is that all? That the thought of drinking from me turns him on? Or did he mean something else? I thought he was angry at Hakyeon, but he smiled at him. I thought I wanted to listen to Hakyeon and stay away from Sanghyuk, but I didn’t. I didn’t mean to call out to him just now and maybe I shouldn’t have. I’m so confused right now, worse than before. How far does Sanghyuk want to take this?

Oh, fuck. Hakyeon’s going to _kill_ me if he finds out.

The door to Hongbin and Wonsik’s room closes and I look up in alarm. What is going on! What are they talking about that they don’t want me to hear?

One: I think - I think he’s attracted to me too. I’m like, 80% sure. No, 70%. I could be wrong and all that just now was just him getting turned on by the thought of getting fresh blood from me. Who knows with vampires. Oh, my god, a vampire wants me.

Two: He clearly wants to drink from me. That makes sense. I’m the only one in this house that he could drink from, and he needs his hand to heal.

Three: ………….Do I trust myself around him? To be the older - alright maybe not older - more mature one? To stop things if he can’t?

Four: Hakyeon is going to _kill_ me.

Five: Is it just sex? Just sex and blood? Is that what he meant? Or more than that?

Suddenly unable to keep still, I spring to my feet and start pacing the length of the living room over and over while my brain runs a mile a minute. Also dammit, I’m hungry again. Being a vampire and only needing to eat once a day wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing.

Fucking Sanghyuk! I don’t like being confused like this. I want things to be clear and straightforward so I can sort out my own feelings on everything.

As if on cue, the door to the room opens and Sanghyuk comes out - no, is _shoved_ out, Hongbin giving me a wink before closing the door behind Sanghyuk again.

He swallows, looking at me apprehensively, and we stare at each other across the sofa.

“What’s happening?” I demand. Confusion has me on edge and when I’m on edge I get snappy.

“Uh,” he stammers, nothing like the smooth operator that caressed my cheek and left me hanging earlier. “Hi?”

“Hi yourself,” I retort. “What is the meaning of all this?”

“The meaning?”

“Yes,” I say, warming to my theme. “What’s with all the ‘intimate’ and ‘special’ stuff and then caressing people’s cheeks like it’s no big deal and you haven’t just been avoiding me for two days?”

“You started it!” He replies indignantly, coming around the sofa. “You’re the one who started being distant!”

Well, he’s right, but. “So then what are you doing? Why are you jerking my chain? Is it just to get to drink from me?”

“No!” he scowls. “I’m not _jerking your chain_. I do want to drink from you, but-”

“Hah!”

“What, you think I’m just trying to trick you into letting me feed?”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what you want!”

“Just fucking kiss him already, Hyukkie! For fuck’s sake!” comes Hongbin’s annoyed voice from inside the room, and we both fall silent so instantly it would be hilarious if I didn’t nearly swallow my tongue. Sanghyuk looks like Hongbin better start fearing for his unlife.

“I’m just gonna-” I say, after an eternity of intense, ground-please-open-and-swallow-me-now awkwardness, gesturing towards Sungjae’s room.

“Yeah,” Sanghyuk nods quickly, fidgeting. “Yeah.”

I’m blushing so terribly by the time I reach the safety of Sungjae’s room that I think I can power the heating of a small apartment. Oh my god, oh my _god_.

Well. At least I think I’m clearer on what he’s feeling. Now to crawl under the bed and never come out again.

*

“Did you kiss him?” I ask, when Hyukkie comes into the room a little earlier than I expected.

“ _Hyung, how could you?_ ” he wails, pummelling the bed with his fists, and it’s very likely he wishes he was pummelling me instead.

“Things weren’t progressing,” I shrug, and I can feel Wonsik rolling his eyes at me. “Hakyeon hyung’s out of the house. You say you just made a move on him - and then you guys start bickering instead of making out like _seriously_.”

“Wonsik hyung had to chase you for months, hyung! He was dropping such obvious hints that you ignored on purpose because you were so awkward! You want to talk about _things not progressing_? How could you push me out of the room like that? And then yell out all that about kissing-”

Hyukkie runs out of steam suddenly and slumps face-forward onto the bed and then further down until his knees hit the floor, his face still buried in the sheets. I don’t know where he’s learning to be this dramatic.

“Han Sanghyuk,” I start firmly, and bat away Wonsik petting his hair. Now is not the time to coddle anybody. “You like him, yes?”

No response.

“ _Hyukkie._ Stop being a baby.”

“I’m not a baby,” comes the muffled reply.

“So then answer me. Do you like the human?”

“His name is Taekwoon.”

“Do you like the human named Taekwoon?”

“Yes.”

“Does the human named Taekwoon like you back?”

“I don’t know.”

“Sanghyuk, I will tell Taekwoon all your most embarrassing secrets if you don’t stop being stupid right now.”

“Like what?” he raises his head defiantly.

“Like the fact that at home you have a Naruto bodypillow. A _naked_ Naruto bodypillow.”

His jaw drops.

“My threats are never idle. Now stop being an idiot. Does he like you too?”

“Yeah, I think so,” he says grudgingly.

“So what’s the problem?”

Wonsik laughs a little in disbelief, and I know it seems like I’m taking this lightly but I’m not. Problem-solving is my forte.

“Uh, the fact that he’s human and I’m not, and also the fact that Hakyeon hyung is dead-set against it?” he says slowly as if spelling it out for someone not very bright. I tsk at him.

“One: Hakyeon hyung can be persuaded. Just give him time and don’t push him. He has his reasons, as you very well know,” I say, trying not to put too fine a point upon it. Hyukkie has the grace to look a little more serious at this. “Two: this is the main problem. You need to find out just how far he’s willing to go for you. If it’s just a fling? Fine. You haven’t been with anybody in a hundred years, it’ll be refreshing. If it’s more than that? Even better. But figure it out before we leave. If he’s not willing to turn for you he may not be willing to leave with us, either.”

“When will that be?” he asks, getting up from the floor and laying himself across the foot of the bed. He’s so tall his legs hang off almost touching the ground.

I look at Wonsik and he cocks his head. “Four, five days?”

“Is it really that dangerous out there?” Hyukkie asks, and I worry my bottom lip with my teeth. Hakyeon hyung specifically said not to tell him what he’s told us; which I think is stupid, because Hakyeon hyung always wants to protect him from things he’s old enough to understand. But I suppose - once Hakyeon hyung’s baby, always Hakyeon hyung’s baby. _A baby that’s older and stronger than both me and Wonsik combined_ , my internal voice supplies.

“It’s not as safe as you think, out there,” Wonsik ventures carefully. “The heat is still on.”

“It can’t be that bad if Hakyeon hyung can leave the house and come back safe every night,” he prompts, and I really want to tell him if only to make him see that Hakyeon hyung’s freakout the other night wasn’t exaggerated.

“Things have been happening,” I settle for saying. “You know Hakyeon hyung doesn’t do things needlessly. If he’s forbidden us from going out then he has a good reason.”

He hums his assent, but I know he doesn’t really get it. For a scary moment I feel what it’s like to be Hakyeon hyung - seeing this kid more than once ignore clear danger and do exactly the thing that he shouldn’t, and somehow I’m more inclined to sympathise with Hakyeon hyung. It all hangs on whether Taekwoon is willing to die for Hyukkie, and that’s no small thing.

“Go talk to him,” Wonsik nudges him gently. “You can’t keep ignoring this any more.”

*

This is a big risk I’m taking, but I think we’ve been careful enough that nobody who’s likely to sell us out would know our address - it was Wongeun who gave me the idea to put a charm on the apartment so nobody other than the four of us can tell anyone else about it. Binnie was obsessed for months over how those Potter books influenced real magic; sometimes I wonder if he hadn’t been turned if he would have taken up spellwork sooner or later. Wongeun - I hope he’s okay. I haven’t heard from him in weeks and it’s making me horribly worried. I hope he’s still out of the country and off the grid, like he told me he was going to be.

I circle the block and our apartment for the better part of two hours before trying to enter, just to be sure. Everybody knows Hongbin, Wonsik and Sanghyuk are mine - if they try to use me to get to them it’ll be game over. On top of that, I just have to be careful in general because more of our kind are going missing every day and there’s rumours of a special weapon the hunters have with them now. Others are fleeing, too; I don’t know just what this weapon is that they have but word is it’s something we’ve never seen before and can’t fight. The faster we get out of Korea the better.

Once in I take a moment to mourn my beautiful apartment that I will have to leave for the foreseeable future. The three bedrooms, the gorgeous kitchen that is just for show but is still gorgeous nonetheless, the big living room with my beloved sofa. Goodbye to all of you for now. We’ll be back eventually.

I need to pack clothes and essentials. I bring out suitcases and lay them open, first going into Hyukkie’s room and grabbing his laptop. I look for his phone for ten minutes before I realise he had it with him when he was captured and those humans have got it now. I wonder if it’s possible to break a password-protected lock on a phone - I hate the thought of them finding his pictures and music inside. I take pants and shirts - about five of each? Should be enough. We can always buy more in Japan if we need to. Shoes. His favourite bag. His obscene Naruto pillow I wonder why I haven’t thrown out yet.

I do the same for the other two, taking care to pack Wonsik’s ridiculously expensive accessories and because I can, none of the red shoes he owns. I really can’t stand his red shoes. His headphones. Hongbin’s caps. His camera. I contemplate leaving it, but in the end give in and pack his stupidly large and heavy gaming laptop that he brings to use on trips because he’s been very good so far about not whining about not being able to play while at Chungha’s and Jungmo’s.

Oh, my wilting kitchen window plants. I touch them sadly. They’re all going to die, but I futilely give them one last watering anyway. Good thing we don’t have any pets despite Wonsik begging and begging to keep a dog.

I stand in the middle of the living room with the two big suitcases, lingering. I don’t want to leave, but it’s the best thing for the three of them. I need to keep them all safe.

I sit down on my sofa - my poor, poor sofa - and take out my phone. I need to look up flights, and I need to contact Takeru about the Osaka house. It’ll be good to get away; I’m in serious need of stress relief. Ah, I’ll be able to see Eunji - she’s been there for a while. That’s one thing to really look forward to. Also where Eunji is… Wongeun’s not usually far behind.

Things are looking up. Hyukkie’s relenting, Hongbin and Wonsik are healing so well, and - Taekwoon seems to be respecting my wishes and staying away from Hyuk. Dare I start to relax?

*


	16. Chapter 16

I shouldn’t have let it show so obviously on my face, and now I feel even worse about it because I cannot believe what Sanghyuk is suggesting we do. But I couldn’t help it at the time. Hakyeon bringing back their personal things - even a ridiculous anime bodypillow that made Sanghyuk squawk when he saw it and bustle it out of sight into Sungjae’s room - made my heart drop so sickeningly down to my toes and I've never been good at hiding my feelings.

I can’t go home, to my house or my parents’. I have nothing with me here except one set of clothes, my work bag, and my phone that I can’t use.  I can’t meet up with my friends or even leave this apartment. My entire life has just - stopped.

“Hyung, think about it,” Sanghyuk is telling me urgently, in the kitchen where he’d cornered me while I was eating. He’s smoothly pretending whatever happened earlier tonight _didn’t_ happen and I’m quite thankful to go along with it. I’m not sure how to handle his and my feelings - a ‘we’ and an ‘us’ or a ‘you and me’ - in this situation we’re in right now so ignoring everything is the way to go. “You’ll need your things anyway when we leave for Japan. That’s going to happen in less than a week. Four days, even, Hongbin hyung told me.”

I look at him helplessly. There’s no guarantee I will even be allowed to follow them, though he seems to not even be questioning it. Also he’s talking like he doesn’t even remember what happened the last time we tried something like this.

“Sanghyuk, are you even listening to yourself?” I hiss at him, looking around warily. Any moment now any of the others could come out of their rooms and see us and the way things are there are too many conclusions for them to jump to. “The last time we got very lucky. Things may not go so well again. And what do you think Hakyeon will do to us if we sneak out again?”

“I’ll handle him,” Sanghyuk said solemnly, and for a moment he looks so adult and serious that I have to blink. “I can’t believe he did that and didn’t even ask to help get your things too.”

I shake my head at him, at a loss for words. Does he think this is a game?

“I’m going to talk to him about it now, actually,” he continues, pushing off from the kitchen counter he was leaning on and escapes my attempts at grabbing him.

“Sanghyuk!” I whisper-yell at him, but he doesn’t stop. This is really all I need. Hakyeon is dead set against us forming any kind of attachment and here is Sanghyuk going to argue with him about not being more considerate of me because he really believes I am going with them to Japan. I struggle with this fond frustration I find is a common emotion I have around him.

What am I going to do? When they leave - who can I go to? If they’re staking out my parents’ house then they definitely are staking out my own apartment. I can’t go to Sunggyu. I don’t think I can go to my grandparents’, or my elder sisters’. I need to think of a friend remote enough they wouldn’t think of that would still be okay with me crashing with them indefinitely - or maybe I can borrow some money to get out of Seoul, stay at one of those countryside villages where you can work in exchange for boarding and food under a different name. Pretend I’m someone else entirely. If I'm very careful and go to a village far away enough they may never find me. I could even start a new life there if everything goes well. Forget about whom I used to be, and forget about Sanghyuk.

I lose myself in urgent, strained thought. Everything is a mess. Everything.

*

“What?”

Hyuk is looking at me like this is truly the first time he’s being confronted with the idea that Taekwoon should not follow us to Japan and I honestly don’t know what to do. I feel like a complete asshole because of the expression on his face, but Wonsik and Hongbin understand why I feel this way without me having to explain myself at length. Sanghyuk of all people should understand why even better than they do.

“It’s not a good idea, Hyukkie. Having to forge documents for him will take too long and keep us stuck here.”

“So what is he supposed to do?” he asks, more than a trace of sardonicism in his voice. “Why don’t we just drive up to one of the police stations on our way to the airport and deposit him there before we go?”

“Sanghyuk,” I say, warning evident in my tone. “I’ll give him enough money to get out of Seoul. I’ll even give him addresses of a few safehouses, if he’s willing.”

“Safehouses? Vampire safehouses?”

“Yes.”

“But - for what? They won’t take him in, he’s human.”

I stay quiet, waiting for the penny to drop. When it does the anger that suffuses him fills him out to his edges, making him taller, more intimidating.

“ _No._ ” He spits out the word at me. “How could you - no. _No_.”

“Why not?” I say evenly.

“Nobody else is going to feed on him. He’s  _mine_.”

“To what end, Sanghyuk?” I murmur, knowing he can hear me loud and clear. “I know you’re not that dense.”

“Don’t.”

I can almost feel the icy chill settling upon us, turning the familiar setting of Sungjae’s room strange.

“Don’t keep falling back on that as an excuse.”

“Sanghyuk-”

“I’m not a baby. I’m not an idiot. That situation - those circumstances - they are wholly different from what things are now-”

“Sanghyuk, please,” I beg, and to my horror I can feel tears pricking at the back of my eyes. I’m desperate for him to understand and the more he doesn’t it feels like a chasm opening up between us that I will never be able to cross and mend. “I’m not trying to control you-”

“But you are!”

“Because-” I stop and swallow, and look away, willing the tears away. “Because it’s my fault. Every time you’ve been hurt, it’s my fault. I knew what was happening in the palace with the prince but I still let you go ahead with it when I should have put my foot down. I knew they were going to kill him. If I hadn’t found you with his body they would have killed you too.

I knew the hunters and witches were capturing us and I still let you go out on your own when I should have kept you all in the house. We should have left Korea then. But I thought you could handle yourselves, that I was just being paranoid.

And now with this human - it’s not going to end well, Sanghyuk. Have you thought about what this means? You’ll have to ask him to die. To give up the sun. To give up everything a human has that we can't have. You’ll have to kill him, Sanghyuk. Do you think he really wants that?”

It hurts. It hurts and I try to compose myself, wiping the blood off my cheeks as best I can with my fingers.

He’s silent, standing there watching me, and I hate how pitiful I feel. I hate myself for crying and for being so scared and for not being able to protect him better. What kind of maker am I? I’ve let him get hurt two times too many, and he doesn’t deserve that at all. My poor sweet Sanghyuk doesn’t deserve any of it.

“It’s not your fault,” he says, quietly, and it truly feels like my heart is breaking because I know it is. A maker’s only responsibility is to care for and protect his children, and I’ve failed more than once on that count.

“I made my own decisions, hyung. I would have done it anyway. I don’t have good sense like you.”

I know the last part is supposed to make me smile, but I can’t. I know what he’s building up to.

“Taekwoon may be another bad decision, but… it’s my decision to make. If I get hurt again it will be wholly on my own shoulders, hyung, not yours. You’ve tried hard enough to stop me.”

He hugs me then, something I wasn’t expecting, and it takes all I have not to start bawling into his shirt. I love him so much. I love him _so much_.

The relief from knowing he’s not angry with me makes me feel weak, though, and it’s exactly that feeling I want to avoid. I need to be unwavering for all of them all the time, especially when this one is so particularly headstrong.

“I don’t break that easily. I’m still here,” he says into my hair, and I cling to him like a koala.

“My baby,” I sniffle, and I know with every certainty in the world that he’s rolling his eyes hard at me. I don’t care. He’s my baby no matter how many centuries old he gets.

I still don’t trust Taekwoon.

“If you want to protect me, hyung,” he says thoughtfully, drawing back. “How about helping me instead?”

*

I yank Taekwoon back by his shirt once I hear footsteps approaching the door, and the three of us try to act like we haven’t just been eavesdropping furiously outside Sungjae’s room where Hakyeon hyung and Sanghyuk have been talking. I don’t know how well Taekwoon managed to hear everything but the look on Hongbin’s face mirrors mine. We are both well impressed.

I _am_ a bit jealous, though. Hakyeon hyung’s got a soft spot for Hyukkie more than a mile wide and will do anything for him. I wonder what he’d say if Hongbin or I brought home a human or disobeyed him on the regular.

The door opens and they look at us and we pretend to be doing other things. Taekwoon studies his nails and Hongbin and I try to look like we were just discussing something and we all three just very naturally happened to be standing around outside the bedroom.

“Seriously?” Hyukkie asks, and Hongbin tries to look innocent.

Taekwoon looks up hesitantly, and if he really managed to hear what they were talking about I can completely understand his apprehension.

“Get changed, Taekwoon hyung. We’re going to your apartment,” Sanghyuk grins, and it’s a beacon of joy and energy. “You, me and Hakyeon hyungnim.”

“Really?” Taekwoon asks, looking between the two of them. “Why?”

“Because you need to pack for your trip to Japan,” Sanghyuk tells him triumphantly.

I’m watching Hakyeon hyung, and I’m familiar with the look of consternation that fleetingly crosses his face. Living with the three of us has made that expression of his a common one. So - Hakyeon hyung and Hyukkie had their touching reunion - I think later I’m going to hug him too. It was hard to keep a dry eye listening to Hakyeon pour out everything he usually keeps inside to him like that - and Hyukkie even managed to convince him that a better plan of action than trying to prevent him from doing things Hakyeon hyung objected to was to come along and help him do them.

Amazing.

“Be careful, won’t you?” I say to Hakyeon hyung as Taekwoon and Sanghyuk disappear into Sungjae’s room for clothes. There’s still about two hours of darkness - I would feel so much better if they waited till tomorrow night. If something happened and they got stuck outside -

As if he can read my mind Hakyeon hyung squeezes my arm reassuringly. “Near dawn is probably when they’ll expect us least. The house isn’t far away and it shouldn’t be too difficult to get into, according to him. And like this at least it’ll be both me and Sanghyuk against whoever there may be waiting. Better odds.”

“But you said,” I drop my voice, and Hongbin begins to nod, knowing what I’m going to say. “The new weapon.”

“Can’t he just buy everything new in Japan?” Hongbin suggests reasonably. “Clothes, laptop, whatever. He doesn’t really need to go get them from his apartment.”

“This isn’t him. This is all Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon purses his mouth in disapproval. “Wants to give him a bit of his home back.”

I can’t help but feel soft at this. It’s a lovely idea, and I can understand it, but I really wish Hakyeon hyung and Hyukkie didn’t have to go out of the safety of the warded house to do it.

“Can’t we pay someone to do this instead? To break in and get whatever he wants?”

“More sincere if he does it himself,” I supply, and Hongbin looks like I’m speaking a different language. It probably is, to him - the language of romance. I nearly break out laughing at the thought but thankfully catch myself. A little bit of the laughter that wants to escape is hysterical; I’m scared for them.

“Are you really sure it’s safe?”

“No,” Hakyeon hyung shrugs. “Even more reason for me to go along, I guess. He won’t take no for an answer.”

“Idiot,” Hongbin mutters. “You’d think getting his hand cut off would make him more cautious about things.”

“Disown him,” I advise. “You’ve already got us, anyway.”

Hakyeon hyung just gives us both a fond look and hugs me tightly first, then Hongbin. “I’ll see you later.”

*

Who the hell could have predicted this?

Hakyeon’s car’s tinted windows make the world outside even darker than it is, and I’m already tired though it’s barely five a.m. It’s harder than I thought trying to be nocturnal, and the lilting movement of the car as it winds its way through the night makes me even more sleepy. Hakyeon drives smoothly and professionally, so very unlike Sanghyuk, and his car is nice. Now that I’m in a better position to admire it than that first night I came home with them I can see it matches him perfectly. Quiet, not showy, but still elegant and more expensive than you think at first glance.

I feel like if things were different he and I could be good friends.

Sanghyuk is thrumming with nervous energy and I don’t know what to say, so conversation in the car is stilted. Hakyeon himself doesn’t say anything but concentrates on driving, and I’m thankful for the silence that gives me time to think and collect myself. My apartment is near, nearer than I realised. We’re practically in the same neighbourhood, and that makes me wonder how many of my neighbours are actually vampires or givers. I am desperately curious to see their own house, too, but I suppose now I never will.

This whole thing has got me in a web of really strong deja vu - we park a few blocks away, like the last time, and again I wait quietly while Hakyeon and Sanghyuk fan out to check the area. Being this close to home makes me ache - I think of what if I’d never accepted the job at the ministry. What if I’d done something completely different with my life. And then Sanghyuk comes back, his skin looking like it’s glowing in the moonlight, and all those thoughts falter. He’s worth it. He’s worth all of it.

I think he can see something in my face, because he reaches out to touch me and I stop breathing. Cold fingers against my cheek - it sounds silly to say, but I’ve gotten used to his exact temperature. I wonder what my skin feels like to him, if it’s extra warm because he’s so cold -

Hakyeon comes back and Sanghyuk drops his hand nonchalantly; I look away.

“It seems clear enough. It’s a low building, too, and you live on the third floor, right?”

I nod.

“Then we won’t go in the obvious way. Did you leave any windows open?”

“Yes, my kitchen windows are always open.”

“Good. Let’s go.”

Hakyeon talks as we go - look out for cameras, don’t talk, quickly get what you need and go. Get only the essentials. If anything happens to leave it to him and Sanghyuk.

“How are we getting in?” I ask. Third floor is still two whole floors off the ground, and I don’t think even vampires can jump that high.

“We’ll climb,” Sanghyuk tells me, grinning. He’s enjoying himself a bit too much - I narrow my eyes at him. I’m not very sure I want to be with an adrenaline junkie.

“You can, maybe. I can’t.”

“I’ll be carrying you,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing. “Like that day we escaped from the facility.”

“I’ll carry him,” Hakyeon breaks in. “You focus on climbing with that one hand. One slip and it’s over.”

I resent this a _lot_. It hurts my pride to be carted around like a sack of potatoes but it’s clear there’s no other way. Sanghyuk catches sight of my scowl and elbows me in the side, still grinning. I smack his arm away.

“Let’s hope they haven’t closed the windows,” Hakyeon mutters as we arrive below my block, both of them quiet and listening for anything out of the ordinary. That comes as a shock to me - I didn’t think government agents would have broken into my apartment but it makes sense. I have no idea in what state I’m going to find my house, and the thought makes my chest seize up.

Hakyeon and Sanghyuk are now looking at the facade of the block, Hakyeon quietly pointing out parapets and ledges to Sanghyuk.

“Okay?” he says, gesturing with his head towards a ledge closest to the ground, and Sanghyuk nods. I only understand what he’s getting at when Sanghyuk turns around and moves back to get a running start. I’m about to get a firsthand experience of vampiric strength and agility, it seems, and I can’t help the interest that begins to bubble in my blood at this despite the situation.

Sanghyuk moves back as far as he can, judging the distance between the ledge he has to reach and where he’s standing, taking a few practice jogs up to the bottom of the block before nodding again at Hakyeon.

He moves back, crouches, runs at a speed that takes my breath away and jumps - what a fucking jump! - to catch hold of the ledge _above_ the one I thought he was aiming for, and then neatly drop onto the one below. Just like that, he’d scaled about five metres.

I’m so turned on right now. This is - oh, my god. That was hot.

“Come on,” Hakyeon tells me, looking at me funny. Oh, fuck. I’m blushing and my heart is going fast. I’m probably as obvious as anything.

I gingerly hook my arms around his shoulders and he tells me to do the same with my legs tightly around his waist. Well, this isn’t awkward _at all_. He doesn’t start as far back as Sanghyuk does, and only jumps up to catch hold of the ledge Sanghyuk is standing on. I feel like baggage, but the sensation of Hakyeon crouching and then effortlessly soaring through the air the next minute is exhilarating. His body moved like a spring - no exertion, nothing. Not for the first time, it makes me think about what being a vampire must be like - this sheer strength, this amazing body control.

Sanghyuk grabs Hakyeon by one forearm and hauls him up onto the ledge too like Hakyeon’s and my combined weights are nothing at all. He needs to stop doing this. It’s going to be horrific if I pop a boner right now.

Hakyeon hops up to the next ledge, and Sanghyuk boosts him from below. Is this a fucking circus or what? I’m in disbelief at how easy it is for them - Hakyeon makes me let go of him, then bends down to grab Sanghyuk’s arm and pull him up. At least the ledges on my block are much, much wider than at my parents’ - thank god for old-fashioned architecture. We’re only slightly below and to the left of my kitchen windows now, and I can’t see yet from this angle if they’re still open the way I always leave them. Sanghyuk braces himself, then jumps, catches hold of the ledge right outside my kitchen balcony, and swings himself up onto the balcony. He pops up smiling.  

All this with one hand. I try to stop the shiver that goes through me. Later, Taekwoon. Later.

I get onto Hakyeon’s back again and he does the same. Crouch, jump, swing, and when I open my eyes I’m on my own balcony with two vampires looking at me expectantly. I give them a weak smile. We’re going to have to go down this way too, I remind myself.

Hakyeon takes a step forward and listens quietly while Sanghyuk looks around the balcony and into the kitchen for any obvious cameras. I’m itching to enter, but I hold myself back until Hakyeon gives the okay, and then I practically run in.

Oh, god, I’ve missed how my house smells,  I’ve missed my lumpy sofa and my tv and my stupid house plant that refuses to grow and my _bed_ oh god, I’ve missed my bed and my old wardrobe and my bedsheets. I know I have to hurry but I fall face-first into my bed and inhale deeply, hands smoothing over the familiar feel of the duvet. I’ve missed this so much, having some semblance of my own world and life. I let myself linger only a few more seconds before I push myself up and go over to my wardrobe, running my hands over everything I can touch. I open it and slump inwards, hugging my clothes.

A soft laugh makes me turn around to see Sanghyuk leaning on the doorframe, watching me with intense eyes. He’s here, in my house, in my bedroom -

A million what-if scenarios bloom. What if we were both human, what if I were his giver, what if humans and vampires co-existed peacefully like everything else and him standing there looking at me _like that_ was nothing out of the ordinary, what if this bedroom was his, too -

I only realise I’m breathing quickly, unable to look away, once he pushes himself off the doorjamb and walks towards me. The look on his face is the same longing one as just now in the moonlight, and I realise at the back of my mind nothing can stop this from happening now. My heartbeat reaches critical pitch right before he pulls me towards himself and kisses me.

It’s desperate and heartwringing, the way we cling to each other, and the kiss is everything but gentle and slow. It can’t be anything even near gentle and slow given the way we’ve tumbled haphazardly but inevitably towards this moment, and the fact that Hakyeon is just outside makes it even more urgent and thrilling. I wish we had all the time in the world - I wish nothing else existed but us together right now in this house -

“Hurry,” Hakyeon calls from the living room, and we let go of each other so fast I almost stumble. My brain is delayed in catching up to everything - how much I had to tip my head back to kiss him, how cold he is, the way he pressed me to his body, how he kissed like he was dying for me. I’m on _fire_.

“Pack,” he gestures at me, grinning, and I can’t help but break into a huge smile at him. “Pack!”

Pack. My brain stutters. Clothes. Okay. Bag.

I grab everything I can think of. Shirts, jeans, shoes, a bunch of my favourite necklaces and bracelets. I snatch up a handful of rings without looking to see which ones they are. I see Sanghyuk look on interestedly - he’s seen my earrings, but he hasn’t seen me with the rest of what I usually wear. I’ve been feeling sadly naked without these. I turn back to him, wanting to kiss him again, but he laughs and pushes me away. “ _Pack!_ ”

I start towards my desk to get my laptop when I belatedly realise it isn’t there. I stop short, feeling ice drip down my spine and completely extinguishing the warm happy flame that had begun to glow fiercely inside me. I can't even speak for a few huge seconds.

“They’ve been in here. They took my laptop.”

Sanghyuk immediately reaches out for me. “Okay. We need to go.”

If they’ve been in the house they could have set surveillance cameras - oh god, what was I thinking kissing Sanghyuk in the middle of all of this and being stupid about smelling my clothes and sheets - we should already be out of here by now. They took less time to catch up to us at my parents' house though I still don't understand how they found out we were there.

Hakyeon appears in the doorway, looking antsy. “Get your passport. We'll see about faking the identification.”

I double back to my desk and get it, trying to avoid looking at the empty space where my laptop should be. Stupid, stupid, stupid -

We run to the balcony and I get on Hakyeon’s back once more, looking like a turtle with my bulging backpack. I shut my eyes tight on the descent - going up wasn’t as bad as going down, and even if we weren’t that high up to begin with I don’t think my stomach would have appreciated the precarious view especially since they jumped from ledge to ledge like fucking mountain goats with hardly any pause between them.

I’m on the ground and released from Hakyeon’s hold before I know it, and Sanghyuk buoyantly grabs my hand, tugging me along behind Hakyeon who has gone on ahead to make sure the way is safe. We make it with rising hearts to the end of the block before the road starts when Sanghyuk stops dead and Hakyeon re-appears, walking backwards slowly as he’s herded back out of the dark street by a witch and a hunter. My chest seizes up painfully like I've run face-first into a suffocating wall; this is not how it’s supposed to go - we’re almost at the car - we were almost at the car!

He’s trying to keep both witch and hunter clear in his sights, and Sanghyuk firmly pushes me behind his body as he moves out to stand by Hakyeon. I can’t think - panic clouds my mind and makes me clumsy, nearly falling as I lurch backwards. The witch is terrifying - dark hood pulled low and a sickening aura emanating from her by the side of the human hunter carrying a big knife. She’s powerful; even I can feel it.

Wait - knives aren’t usual, are they? My mind is thick from fear, not able to understand. You can’t kill a vampire with a knife. An axe, yes, if you cut off their heads. Why a knife?

My first instinct is to run blindly, but whatever part of my brain that’s still working at least thankfully stops me from doing that. The witch doesn’t need to touch me to kill me, and I may be delusional but I want to stay and help if I can.

“Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon says evenly, as he draws something out of his pocket. “Distract the hunter.”

He moves so fast that I hardly register it, and the Hakyeon I’ve seen at home being teased by the others is nothing like this Hakyeon in front of me. Climbing the wall just now was nothing - he’s trading blows with the witch, avoiding her claws as she swipes at him and not giving her enough pause for her to spell him. He’s clutching something tightly in his hand and feints left before pressing his palm right into her hood.

Her scream and Sanghyuk’s cry mingle in the night air, and I whip my head around. I’d been so engrossed with Hakyeon and the witch that I hadn’t noticed what was happening with Sanghyuk beyond him engaging the hunter and beginning to draw him away from Hakyeon. He's staggering backwards, slumped a little, as the hunter quickly puts himself out of range. His knife is missing, and I realise with red-hot horror dragged up from my gut that it's because he's stabbed it right into Sanghyuk's chest.  

Sanghyuk gives a strained laugh, though, clutching the knife embedded in his heart. “Are you new? You know metal doesn’t work.”

“Sure about that?” The hunter mocks him, throwing glances the witch’s way; she’s writhing on the ground, clutching her shadowed face. I have no time to wonder what Hakyeon has done to her because the moment Sanghyuk pulls the knife out of his chest with an effort he begins to bleed in such copious amounts I hardly hear the soft cry Hakyeon gives because of my own heart pounding so loudly in terror at the sight.

Blood soaks through his shirt like a poisonous flower blooming, and he clutches hands to the wound only to bring them away wet with dark red blood. We stare in harsh silence as Sanghyuk founders, looking up at me with shocked eyes, and then helplessly falls to his knees. I rush to him, frantically trying to hold him up, knowing that something has gone horribly wrong for him to be bleeding like this, like his heart is actively pumping blood to make it gush from him. Blood pours out of the stab wound as the hunter turns to run, giving the witch up as a lost cause - Hakyeon growls with chilling venom and takes off after him, and the sound of his neck snapping is so loud in the quiet night that it makes me flinch violently. He comes running back, the hunter’s body lying discarded like a rag behind him in the street, and doesn’t give the whimpering witch another glance. He wordlessly picks up the knife and then Sanghyuk in his arms and begins to run to the car.

I stumble, following helplessly even as the darkness threatens to overtake us all.

*


	17. Chapter 17

The looks on the others’ faces when we get home covered in Sanghyuk’s blood mirror everything I feel. I can’t think anymore - it’s like I’m moving in slow motion, watching everything happen from outside myself, hearing sounds and noises from behind a door. My hands and thighs are soaked through with blood as is Hakyeon’s chest from carrying Sanghyuk to the car, and me from cradling him in my lap as best I could through the drive home. The abnormal amounts of blood gushing from his body made Hakyeon’s leather seats slippery. 

Hakyeon lays him down carefully on the sofa and Sanghyuk gasps harshly at the movement. The wound is showing no signs of beginning to heal at all, and the very fact that he’s bleeding like this makes no sense whatsoever. The only blood vampires have in their bodies are from their last feeding until it gets transmuted into power, like a blood sacrifice - a day at most. Soon he’ll have bled out almost all the blood a normal human has in their body.

It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense. 

The front door is still open so I go to close it - a small simple action that I can have control over; a trivial problem that I can solve. I leave a bloody handprint on the doorknob, and drop my bag next to it.

The sofa already is stained with Sanghyuk’s blood, spreading out underneath him as Hakyeon rips Sanghyuk’s shirt open down the middle and stares, trying to figure out what to do. Wonsik, shooting rapid unanswered questions at Hakyeon, takes off his own shirt, balls it up and presses it to the wound in Sanghyuk’s chest as if it’s imperative to stop him losing too much blood - blood that isn’t even his, blood coming from a place we don’t know. The thick coppery smell of it is making it hard to breathe, and I belatedly wonder how much more distracting it must be for the vampires. 

Hongbin stares at me and points to my left hand. The knife. Hakyeon told me to pick it up from where he’d thrown in onto the passenger seat. “What is that? Is that what caused this?”

I look down stupidly at my hand holding it and Hongbin takes it from me. 

“There was a witch and a hunter,” Hakyeon says, voice low. “I used the paper talisman I got from the fae on the witch. It worked. But the hunter got him.”

“This is the new thing, isn’t it? The new weapon.”

Hakyeon nods. 

“Where is this blood coming from?” Wonsik asks, sounding frantic. “Hyung, we have to do something-”

“I already called the fae. She’ll be here soon.” 

Hakyeon is answering in short, flat sentences without taking his eyes off Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk is conscious but weak, and in pain that seems to be getting worse; he’s breathing in quick staccato gasps in order to deal with it. I stand like a statue rooted to the spot. I want to cry but can’t. I want to scream but can’t.

“I said this was a stupid idea!” Hongbin bursts out at me. I have no idea when he said this to me before, but I agree. This was incredibly stupid, and I should never have gone along with it. “You knew they would be watching your house. Of course they would be! You-”

“Enough, Hongbin,” Hakyeon’s voice slices through the living room like a shard of ice. “Placing blame isn’t going to help us now.”

Chungha and Jungmo wake up eventually from the noise and because they have to go to work - they emerge slightly annoyed, and I think back to how this whole night we’ve been rather inconsiderately noisy (how surreal that barely two hours ago things were fine. Sanghyuk was laughing and smiling and being embarrassed over his anime bodypillow; things were  _ fine _ ) - but stop short at the sight of all the blood. Chungha cries out, rushing to Sanghyuk’s side, and Hakyeon holds himself stiffly by as she cups Sanghyuk’s face and he looks up at her dazedly. 

“Why-” Jungmo gestures at Sanghyuk, at a loss for words. 

“Attacked by a witch and a hunter. We don’t know why there’s so much blood,” Hakyeon murmurs, and the overall sickening feeling of uselessness, of helplessness, settles so firmly and solidly over us all that Hakyeon looks like he’s going to shatter. There’s nothing we can do. Wonsik’s shirt that he’s been trying to use to staunch the bleeding is already completely soaked through. 

The guilt is so crushing that it physically hurts. How many times is Hakyeon going to go through a scene like this? How many times is Sanghyuk going to put himself in danger because of me?

“How would metal be able to do this?” Hongbin is muttering to himself, pacing. “The witch must have spelled it. With what?”

“It’s what they were experimenting on him to find out,” I say, the realisation hitting me like an unfolding dream. “To stop vampiric healing.”

Hongbin looks at me sharply. “Then what about the bleeding?”

I shake my head. I don’t know about magic. I don’t know anything. 

“Could they be - Wonsik?” Hongbin starts his pacing again, and reaches out to grab Wonsik’s hand that isn’t stroking Sanghyuk’s hair, trying to soothe him. “Reversal? They’re draining him?”

I have no idea what he means, but Wonsik looks up at him in recognition so this must be referring to a conversation they’ve had previously. I tune him out, looking back at Sanghyuk. He’s never been this pale. 

Hakyeon gently draws Chungha and Jungmo away, careful not to touch them wherever he’s bloodstained. They leave the living room, and then after that I am only aware of them on the fringes fitfully moving from bedroom to bathroom to kitchen to the main door. Hakyeon must have told them to go to work as normal. Staying home won’t help anything. 

How long have I been standing here?

It’s horrific, watching this. I’m terrified of losing him this way and terrified of how terrified I am; were things supposed to get serious this fast? I slip into the comforting memory of what it felt like to kiss him, earlier, my brain latching on to the last bright point before this awful swallowing darkness. It was thrillingly strange, kissing someone who doesn’t breathe or have a heartbeat. While I must have been burning up and breathing fast in his arms he was still and cool as ever, and the only way I understood his fervour was the way he clung to me and kissed me like it’s everything he’s ever wanted. His cold touch wasn’t alarming at all. It gave me little goosebumps running down my back and down my arms, little intense trembles of ‘ _ finally _ ’. It was everything. It was perfect. It was a huge release of longing and surrender to the pull towards each other we’ve felt for weeks. How did we go from that to this? We should have been given more time; more time to fall in love properly -

The hot ball of pain in my chest finally bursts, and I find that I can move at last. 

I go to him and kneel on the floor, clasping his good hand in mine and fiercely ignoring the sticky rasp of drying blood against my skin. His eyes flutter open and he tries to steady his breathing. At the back of my mind I register that the others have stopped talking.

“A fae is coming,” I tell him, with confidence I desperately want to believe in. “She’ll heal you. You’ll be okay.” 

“Taekwoon,” he whispers hoarsely, and I think this is what it feels like when your heart is breaking. He’s going to die. He’s somehow going to bleed out here on this sofa and we’re going to lose him.

“I’m here,” I say, willing my voice not to break. “You’ll be okay.”

“Keep talking to him,” Hakyeon murmurs from behind me, and I flounder. “Keep him conscious.”

“In - in Japan. When we go. I’ve never been to so many places and you have, right? I want you to bring me to all your - your favourite restaurants and your favourite parks. Even if it’s at night. I’m sure they’ll still be beautiful. I once saw photos of some big famous temple on a hill that looks so imposing at night but - but I can’t remember the name. Wait, you can’t eat. I don’t know why I mentioned your favourite restaurants. I can taste things for you, if you want. I can eat things and - and tell you what they - taste like-”

I stop for a moment because I’m crying too hard. 

“I w- won’t eat beef. Since you’ve never tasted it. Just chicken - and - and pork. And noodles.” I can hardly see through my tears and I know I’m rambling utter nonsense but Wonsik - it must be Wonsik - squeezes my shoulder in comfort and I swallow, trying to get myself under control and to stop thinking of all the unimportant everyday things I might never get to do with him. 

“We’ll go everywhere together. You and me. We’ll see everything.” 

Sanghyuk tightens his grip on my hand, nodding with a tiny movement, and my forearm slips on his chest because of the fresh blood that is making his skin slick. 

An authoritative knock on the door makes the rest of us whip around. It’s the fae. It has to be. Hakyeon strides to the door and a part of me expects it to be more witches and hunters, here to kill the rest of us.

It’s her. Hongbin’s harsh exhale of relief echoes my own.

Once inside she wastes no time looking at Sanghyuk, then at the knife Hongbin holds out to her. When she takes it from him she sits down on the nearest armchair and without a word closes her eyes, holding it tight. 

“It’s witch-spelled, to be sure,” she mutters. 

“Reversal magic?” Hongbin offers hopefully, and she cracks open one eye.

“Well, if you’re so smart what do you need me for?”

Hongbin snaps his mouth shut, torn between annoyed and chastened. She begins to hum, and I look at Wonsik in alarm. If this makes us as dizzy as the last time how is it going to affect Sanghyuk?

But it doesn’t - apart from a faint buzzing I can hear in my ears her magic seems to reach no farther than the cup of her hands holding the knife. 

“Aren’t you lucky,” she says eventually, opening her eyes and smiling at Hongbin. “Beautiful as well as clever. It  _ is _ a reversal spell.”

I want to scream. 

She’s speaking slowly and teasingly while we don’t know how much time Sanghyuk has left. She’s sitting there smiling in her pristine clothes while dark gore covers three of us in a horribly incongruent scene - I see Hakyeon clench his hands into fists but do nothing. 

“He will die,” she proclaims, suddenly all business. 

“What?” Hakyeon steps forward in a sharp, sawn-off movement. I hear the words, but they don’t sink in. I don’t let them.

“It’s making him bleed out every drop he’s taken since he was turned. How old is he?”

“More than a hundred and fifty years old,” Wonsik supplies quickly after a beat, because Hakyeon has become frozen to the spot. I look away from him. I can’t bear it. 

“Hm. That will take a while, then. Maybe in two days? Three at the very most. I’d go with two.”

“Can’t you do anything?” Hongbin bursts out incredulously. She looks at him coolly. 

“Of course I can. But I don’t know if you can afford it. I seem to recall the last time there was some… quarrel over what you are willing to give.”

Everyone looks at me. Sanghyuk this time can’t protect me from her.

“Just tell us what we need to do,” Wonsik says firmly.

“How do you fill up a container that’s leaking?” she asks, pleased, like she’s enjoying herself. 

“Mend the leak and then fill it up,” Hongbin answers immediately.

“Good boy. I can mend the leak. How are you going to fill it up again?”

Silence.

“I’ll go find someone,” Hakyeon says, already starting for the door. “Is one enough? Two people?”

“It’ll be like his first feeding, I think,” she says contemplatively like she’s thinking about the weather. “Just enough to satiate the first bloodlust. I’m sure you remember his first time.”

She smiles at Hakyeon, and a stricken look passes his face. “So, yes, one is enough.”

Hakyeon turns to leave once more, and the rushing in my ears is so loud I hardly hear myself when I open my mouth.

“I’ll do it.”

*

I can’t feel the pain anymore, weirdly enough. I’m in a sunken place behind my eyes and I  _ can  _ feel my body, but it’s as if I’ve been wrapped in cotton wool, or that thing you can pop. Bubble wrap. Like I have layers and layers of skin dulling the hurt. 

I do feel cold, though. Colder than I’ve felt in more than a hundred years. 

I’m aware things are happening and people are speaking but it takes an effort to listen and make out the words. All the while when Taekwoon was talking to me I just focused on the sound of his voice - having that to center me and give me something to distract myself from the fear was helpful. But he isn’t talking to me anymore, so I tighten my hold on his hand. At least there’s that. 

So this is what dying feels like. 

I always thought if it happened I’d be staked. I’ve seen it happen once, right in front of me. It wasn’t a hunter or a slayer, though - two vampires were fighting. It was back when ancient bloodline feuds still happened and the customary way to settle it was a fight to the death. Vamps can be very stupidly medieval sometimes. The winner staked the loser and he literally crumbled into ash right before my eyes, that’s how old he was. Hakyeon tried to shield me from seeing it - I think I was hardly a few years old at the time - but I think I needed to know. I’ve always wondered, however, what a vampire who isn’t that old looks like if they get staked. What if they’re only a few years dead? Or only old enough to turn into bones? That seems awkward.

That new weapon - okay, I’m mad. It must have come from whatever they were experimenting on me for. I’m really angry I didn’t escape before they could figure out how to use the information they got from cutting me up. This stab wound that doesn’t heal, aided with whatever dirty witch magic there is to make me bleed out this way - that hunter only had to cut me, he didn’t have to actually  _ stab me in the heart _ with it. Showy bastard. I hope Hakyeon killed him horribly.

This is bad news for our kind, though. If they can kill us this easily now - how long before they start spelling guns to work the same way?

I close my eyes. It’s getting too hazy to see. 

I wanted to tell Taekwoon earlier I think I’ve figured out how they knew we’d gotten into his parents’ house, but I forgot to in all the excitement. The guard must have been wearing a heartrate monitor, because there weren’t any cameras in the house when we first got in. When I glamoured him and his heartrate fell it must have triggered an alarm. Clever, aren’t I? I’m sure that’s it. Now I’ll never be able to tell him. 

Taekwoon. I kissed him. I could have spent all night kissing him.

I try to hold his hand tighter but my fingers have gone slack and they won’t obey me. It’s strange how unafraid I am, how distant everything feels. Maybe this is a mercy; it seems a gentle way to go instead of how violently humans die. 

Voices are raised - I’m not sure if in anger or in fear or something else is happening. I hope nothing else is happening. The entire past two months have been nonstop Things Happening. Partly my own fault too, of course - or mostly my own fault. 

This is truly a pathetic way to die. I’m not even two hundred yet. And now there’s Taekwoon - I want to sit with him, to hold hands with him. To kiss him whenever I want. To take him to bed. To let him ask his neverending questions about me. To tease him until he blushes and gets so flustered he can’t keep still. To see Hongbin and Wonsik hyungs get to know him. To see him and Hakyeon hyung finally get along. 

I’m too young and pretty to die! But here we are. Also boyyyyy I convinced Hakyeon hyungnim to come along to help us because I was so confident things would go fine and  _ this _ happens. In a way I’m glad I won’t be around for him to keep bringing this up whenever I don’t listen to him for the next few decades.   

I wonder if Jaehwan was scared when he was dying. He’d been expecting it for years - maybe that made it easier. But then dying is dying, I suppose. You can’t really prepare for it. 

I’ve been talking all this while about dying when I’m already dead. Why is it so easy to forget that?

I feel something on my cheek - something warm pressed to it. I open my eyes with an effort and I see Taekwoon, hazy and distorted moving away from me. I think he just kissed me - I don’t want to let go of his hand but I’m too weak to hold on.

He releases my hand and someone puts a hand on my head and on my stomach, and suddenly the pain comes rushing back in so strong I gasp desperately with the shock of it. 

_ Don’t fight it, vampire. _ The voice in my head is more like a thought than a command. It seeps into my bones.

I look up into the true glowing eyes of a fae. 

*

Hakyeon hyung skewers Taekwoon with a stare so piercing he almost shrinks from it. “ _ You _ will do it?”

Hongbin makes an impatient sound. I don’t think Taekwoon understands what he’s asking to be allowed to do. This isn’t just a few minutes’ worth of feeding, or a usual day’s need of blood. This will kill him. 

“He drained the first man he fed from,” Hakyeon hyung tells Taekwoon curtly. “I don’t think you’re ready to die.”

“I’d rather the human gives his blood to me,” the fae says, put out. “But the boy will not  _ actually _ need to drain someone. Baby vampires are just greedy, and most makers are too indulgent. And you know what they say about blood willingly given. Human,” she abruptly turns to Taekwoon, smiling. “You will have more than enough left over once the boy has fed. Since you’re suddenly in such a giving mood you can deal me your blood as payment. Pretty please? I only want a little.”

“Just go and get him some damn human from the street,” Hongbin cuts in, fed up. “We don’t have the time to argue about this. If Sanghyuk ends up draining that person then so be it. The more fresh blood he has the better.”

“What did you say about blood willingly given?” Hakyeon asks, strained. 

“Why do you think I have to ask him nicely to give me his blood?” she snaps, clearly annoyed at Taekwoon’s silence. “Magic won’t work if it’s taken by force.”

“Even if the person’s glamoured?” I have to ask. 

“Do you want this to work or not?” the fae counters. “He’s actually  _ volunteering. _ Nobody else you ask or glamour will give blood that will work as well.”

“His fangs-” Taekwoon begins. His voice is weak, and I try not to look at his hand holding Hyukkie’s, covered with blood fresh and dried. “He can’t make his fangs come yet. How will he feed?”

“His fangs don’t work?” Hakyeon splutters, and Hongbin and I are shocked too. Hyukkie didn’t mention this to any of us, and for good reason - whatever they did to him must run deeper than just physical. God, what else do we have to go through?

“Might as well put this to use,” Hongbin mutters, waving a hand at the big knife lying on the coffee table.

“I thought you were clever, beautiful one,” the fae says, grinning. “Or do you think witch magic only works on demons? Go ahead, then. See what will happen if you cut the human with that knife.”

I can actually see how much effort it takes Hongbin to keep his mouth shut and not respond. She seems to enjoy getting a rise out of him.

“So, what? Are we agreed?” the fae looks at Hakyeon hyung - what Hongbin and I think don’t matter, of course, and I don’t mean that petulantly. This is Hakyeon hyung’s call to make because Hyukkie is his child. I can see Taekwoon frown - I can imagine he must be wondering why she’s asking Hakyeon hyung for his go-ahead when he’s the one who’s going to be giving his lifeblood for it - before Hakyeon hyung turns to him. 

“Will you?” is all he says. There’s so much in those two words.

“Yes,” Taekwoon answers, and his voice doesn’t falter this time. “What do I have to do?”

“Move aside, to start with,” the fae says, clapping her hands. “I need to mend the leak first. Maker, come here. You, get me a knife.  _ Not _ that one.”

Taekwoon moves as if to get up but stills, then presses his lips fervently to Hyukkie’s cheek while gently disengaging his hand from Hyukkie’s grasp. It’s quick and heartbreaking and he keeps his eyes down as he stands and moves away from the sofa, making room for Hakyeon to come close. 

Hakyeon hyung can’t look away from Taekwoon, the expression on his face raw and painful to see.

“ _ Hello? _ A knife?” 

I jump, realising she’s talking to me, and quickly go to the kitchen to get one. I sharpen it on the whetstone on the counter before bringing it back - a clean cut heals best. Hyukkie will have to feed from the artery near the elbow; for Taekwoon that will be the easiest place where the bleeding can be stopped. But will the bloodflow be too sluggish there?

The fae has already started when I come back, and Hongbin grabs my shoulder in alarm at Hyukkie’s first cry because he is clearly in pain, so much more so even than when Hakyeon hyung only just brought him back. He begins to shudder and convulse, crying out softly, and I move closer to Taekwoon who looks like his entire world is falling down around his feet. He jerks and looks up at me and I can see the faintly-dried tear tracks down his face. 

Taekwoon loves him. There can be no question of it now, no question of how far he’s willing to go for Hyukkie’s sake. I hope Hakyeon hyung can see that.

The fae is absolutely silent this time, keeping her hands resolutely on Hyukkie no matter how he tries to weakly push them off him, and I can’t explain it but - I see the fae as she has always been, monolithic throughout the centuries of this world. Her true form has nothing to do with it, but - her essence, her power - she Is, and always has Been, so much more so than vampires, than witches. It’s terrifying and awesome at the same time, and Hongbin draws close to me, humbled. This is a being who was old centuries before we were even born even though they are so eternal that they occupy a space outside of time, and ‘old’ and ‘young’ mean nothing to them. 

Hyukkie gives a broken sob, and Taekwoon looks away. 

I don’t know what she’s doing to him and why it has to hurt like this - Hyukkie is strong and never minds pain or discomfort, so for him to be crying out this way means that I can’t even imagine the pain he must be feeling. Taekwoon breaks away from me and goes to the edge of the living room, as if the further he is from this the less it will hurt to watch and hear. 

“Give him the knife,” she says, and I blink. The time-bending illusion is gone. 

“Who?” I stammer.

“The maker,” she retorts impatiently. “Quickly! Let him drink from you.”

She says this last to Hakyeon hyung, and I wonder at the re-enactment of the making ritual. I suppose it’s to counter what Hongbin seems to know is called the spell of reversal - starting once again anew, but I’m making blind guesses in the dark. Magic isn’t like a cooking recipe - you need to be able to feel for it and to know instinctively what to do. You either have it or you don’t.

Hakyeon hyung slices across his wrist and I catch a glimpse of the slow welling of blood to the surface typical of our kind before he presses it to Hyukkie’s mouth. 

“Drink,” the fae tells Hyukkie, and when he doesn’t respond she grabs him by the chin, pressing his cheeks so that his mouth opens underneath the wound. The first drops of blood smeared over his lips join those falling into his mouth and he swallows weakly before licking at Hakyeon hyung’s wrist, like he can’t find the energy to feed properly. Hakyeon hyung cups Hyukkie’s face gently, trying to angle his head so he can be more comfortable, be more at ease. 

“Enough,” the fae says. She takes Hakyeon’s bleeding wrist and puts it over the deep stab wound in Hyukkie’s chest and presses with her hands over it. Nobody else can see what’s happening except for Hakyeon hyung’s other hand clenching harder and harder onto the sofa. 

I feel completely helpless standing here with Hongbin, and from his fidgeting I know Hongbin feels it too. We’re nothing but scenery, unable to do anything. I’m usually the one who can’t keep still, who finds it hard to hide his emotions; but Hongbin has been on edge constantly and if nothing else it shows how much he feels for Hyukkie. He’s visibly scared, and I’m not used to him being scared. 

This makes me think of Hakyeon hyung - if he’d gone to pieces so would have the rest of us. I would never have thought of picking up the hunter’s knife - or calling the fae on the way back. He has always kept his head in difficult situations and I have never ached so much for him the way I do now. HIs voice telling Hyukkie  _ it’s my fault _ echoes in the back of my mind and if we can’t save Hyukkie this time - 

“Human!”

Taekwoon jolts from where he’s fitfully pacing, and then nearly trips over himself hurrying back. 

“No turning back now,” the fae tells him, and removes her hands from Hyukkie’s body for the first time, personally picking up the kitchen knife and taking hold of Taekwoon’s arm. 

“Just below the elbow,” I volunteer, and she sends me an appraising look but says nothing. She cuts into his arm without preamble and the ragged cry Taekwoon gives is wholly forgivable; it’s a shockingly big and deep cut. I instantly worry that we won’t be able to stop it bleeding later on, but then I suppose the fae can close the wound. Can’t she?  _ Won’t _ she? Blood is spurting from the cut and she hurriedly moves so that more blood isn’t wasted. Taekwoon bends over Sanghyuk, gripping tight onto the sofa for stability, and presses the crook of his arm to Sanghyuk’s mouth. 

“Drink if you want to live,” the fae tells Hyukkie, then cocks her head as if amused. “Or if you don’t want to die a second time. Either way.”

She’s flippant, and I know none of us in this house matter to her in the same way ants don’t matter to a great celestial being, and I hate her in the same way a tiny insignificant insect can hate the sun or the moon; inconsequentially, uselessly. 

Hyukkie’s mouth is slack underneath the wound pouring blood into his mouth for one - two - three - seconds, and then he begins to feed. 

The four of us watch in total silence, eyes on the bob of Hyukkie’s adam’s apple as he swallows. It’s a full five minutes before Taekwoon begins to tremble. I barely put out a hand to touch him before he shakes his head.

“I’m fine.”

Hyukkie dazedly brings both hands up to Taekwoon’s arm and holds him in place as he readjusts his mouth on the cut, sealing his lips more firmly. Another five minutes and Taekwoon’s knuckles are white from the death grip he has on the sofa which I suspect is the only thing holding him up. He’s almost as pale as a sheet, and I look worriedly at Hakyeon. How much more can he give?

The fae stares at them both in silence, face calculating. I can’t stand it. Taekwoon’s going to lose too much - 

“Hyukkie, enough. You’ve had enough. Sanghyuk,  _ let him go _ -”

The wound in Hyukkie’s chest closes before our eyes, like a fucking miracle, a second before Taekwoon slumps unconscious like a rag doll to the floor. 


	18. epilogue

_ Baby vampires that have lost their makers don’t last very long. They make stupid mistakes because they don’t have someone to teach them how to survive, mostly, or they stumble into older vampires’ territory and are executed without a thought. Vampires don’t like competition. Vampires don’t like rulebreakers.  _

_ “The way things are are stupid,” Hakyeon mutters, watching the young pair warily exit the rundown house they’ve been living in for the past month. Sanghyuk watches them too in the light from the moon, and makes a little moue. He really isn’t the jealous type, he tells himself. One of the young ones reaches out his hand to the other and after an awkward moment the shorter one takes his hand and holds it tight. It reminds Sanghyuk of something he’d rather not think about. _

_ “They’ve been going closer and closer to the one place they shouldn’t try to hunt in,” Hakyeon continues. “Any day now Jinheung is going to find them.” _

_ “So just tell them and we can move on with life,” Sanghyuk says, and Hakyeon gives him an amused look. Sanghyuk scowls back. _

_ Hakyeon jumps off the roof of the low building they’re on, giving the pair the shock of their unlives when he lands light as a cat right in front of them. The taller one nearly falls back flat on his butt, the pretty one dropping into panicked fighting stance. Sanghyuk snorts. As if he could take Hakyeon. _

_ Hakyeon talks to them for a long while - that’s what he’s good at, but no matter how much he’s spoken to Sanghyuk about this Sanghyuk still refuses to accept it graciously. He doesn’t want brothers. He’s perfectly fine being an only child and the apple of Hakyeon’s eye even though he will never admit it to anybody. _

_ He’s older than the two of them, anyway. If they even _ think _ about lording it over him because they were older in life they’ve got a damn new thought coming.  _

_ “Sanghyuk,” Hakyeon calls up softly to him, and Sanghyuk rolls his eyes.  _

_ “Must I?” _

_ “Come down here this instant.” _

_ Sanghyuk sighs, just for dramatic effect, and jumps down as well. He’s seen them before, of course, while accompanying Hakyeon on his stalking trips of the two orphans, but they’ve never seen him. _

_ “This is Sanghyuk, my child,” Hakyeon tells them, smiling proudly. _ One and only original,  _ Sanghyuk thought-projects at them even though he hasn’t learnt how to share thoughts with others yet. It still gives him satisfaction anyway.  _

_ “Sanghyuk, this is Hongbin and Wonsik. They’ll be living with us from now on. Introduce yourself, they’re your hyungs now.” _

_ The pretty one gives him such an awkward smile-grimace-bow that it almost takes away the beauty of his face, but the other’s smile is so warm and shy as he bows that Sanghyuk feels his resolve to violently dislike them melt slightly. But he draws the line at calling them hyung.  _

_ He bows back stiffly.  _

_ “Thank you,” the pretty one - Hongbin - turns to Hakyeon to say, still just as awkward. “We won’t impose upon you for too long-” _

_ “Don’t be silly. You need my protection,” Hakyeon waves his protests away. “Shall we hunt? I want to see how good you are.” _

_ Sanghyuk lets the two of them walk before him with an exaggerated politeness Wonsik takes to be sincere but Hongbin blinks at. _ He’s sharp, this one. 

_ Sanghyuk narrows his eyes, watching Hakyeon try to pull them both into friendly conversation.  _ This is never going to work out. Trust me. 

*

Wonsik hyung is gently playing with my hair. He knows I am generally anti-touchyfeelyness but - I’ll let it slide just this one time. Because I’m feeling generous tonight. 

It’s a small village where we are staying. The house is a little bit away, on a hill, and the villagers don’t mind us keeping to ourselves as long as we don’t make nuisances of ourselves. Hakyeon hyung drives into town three hours every other day to get blood for us. It’s far enough away from Seoul that I feel safe. We all feel safe here, while we wait for Taekwoon to get better.

Taekwoon is still unconscious. We don’t know if he will ever wake up, if the blood loss was so severe that he’s gone into a coma, or is brain dead, or this is normal. It’s been three days. 

I love this traditional house. I love the sliding paper doors and the  _ ondol _ floors, and the big central courtyard all the corridors look out into. Hakyeon hyung is quietly listening to music on the roof, Wonsik hyung is being my pillow and playing with my hair, Hongbin hyung is - somewhere; I think he’s off taking photos - and my Taekwoon is lying in my room, unconscious.

As if he knows what I’m thinking about Wonsik hyung starts combing his fingers through my hair in long, soothing strokes. I close my eyes. I nearly killed Taekwoon. 

Wonsik hyung told me he’d gone so hysterical about finding someone who understood how to do a transfusion in time that night because they couldn’t very well bring Taekwoon to a hospital, wanted as he is, that Hakyeon hyung had slapped him to bring him to his senses. It’s a scene I will never be able to picture in a million years. Hakyeon hyung - slapping Wonsik hyung - it’s impossible. 

I didn’t fully come to myself an hour after the fae had been persuaded to heal Taekwoon. They still won’t tell me what Hakyeon hyung gave her in payment, and it breaks my heart to know it’s probably going to be another thing to weigh heavily on my conscience. 

“I’m going to check on him,” I mumble, and Wonsik hyung lets his hand fall from my head. 

I quietly push aside the door to our room and he’s as I left him - sleeping peacefully, looking well. There is colour in his cheeks and his heartbeat is strong and steady, and not for the first time I wonder if the fae tricked us. We wanted him alive and healthy, and this is the exact kind of thing the fae would find amusing. He’s alive, and healthy - just unconscious forever. I had to learn how to insert a drip in his arm to keep him hydrated; if this carries on for much longer how am I supposed to keep him alive? He needs to eat somehow.

My fangs are back, by the way. Yesterday just before I went to bed without much hope I just thought of checking - and they slid out perfect as anything. It seems like a cruel joke, along with everything else.

I stroke his cheek, arrange his hair more neatly. He’s so nicely warm. We changed him out of his bloodstained clothes - my blood - and he’s wearing something that belongs to me. I looked at the clothes he packed to bring to Japan and his actual fashion is so different from mine I could laugh. Right now he looks like me - poor Taekwoon, having to wear first Sungjae’s clothes and now mine. It must have been so uncomfortable for him, in a way, to not look like himself at all. I looked through his clothes, the accessories he packed. He likes rings and bracelets, and it makes sense. They would look so pretty on his delicate hands. I touched everything. Held his shirts to my nose. 

How can he be here, but not?

I give him a kiss before I go. I listen carefully to hear him breathing.

*

_ “You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” Sanghyuk says, and Jaehwan beams, stretching his bare arms and chest luxuriously.  _

_ “And?” _

_ “And the most manly. And the most impressive.” _

_ “And?” _

_ “And I love you forever.” _

_ Jaehwan gives me a look, and it’s one I’ve come to recognise. “You won’t love me forever.” _

_ “I will!” _

_ “There’s no such thing. One day you will fall in love with someone else.” _

_ “No, I won’t. It’s impossible.” _

_ “I hope you do,” Jaehwan kisses Sanghyuk. “I hope you fall in love with someone who loves you too. Who knows you and is kind to you.” _

_ “You already do that,” Sanghyuk says stubbornly. “I don’t wish to talk about this anymore. It upsets me.” _

_ “Baby,” Jaehwan smiles, pressing closer. “Who are you to give me commands? I’m a prince.” _

_ “There’s no point being a prince when you don’t know anything about anything,” Sanghyuk complains.  _

_ Jaehwan just smiles, rubbing his thumb across Sanghyuk’s lower lip before kissing it softly. _

_ * _

I open my eyes. For the first time after a Jaehwan dream I don’t feel like I’ve been turned inside out but rather - the opposite. I feel a bit ashamed of how stupidly in love I was then; the kind of blind arrogant love you can only have the first time you fall for someone. Thinking you’d be together forever, that nobody else before or after you has ever felt the same way. Jaehwan knew, but he indulged me anyway. It’s okay, I think, if he never loved me back. He treated me with enough kindness that I suppose it doesn’t really matter now. I know I was important to him, in my own way.

I suppose I wasn’t wrong, really. I have never stopped loving him. I think I’m just not  _ in _ love with him anymore, and I just needed someone else to help me know the difference.

I look over at Taekwoon beside me, and I’m not sure why I’m expecting him to roll over and open his eyes, blinking sleepily at me like how we used to wake up back at Chung-Jung’s house, but he’s still the same as when I went to sleep. I feel slightly disoriented - the certainty I felt that he would wake right at that moment was so strong. Well. It’s still an hour till dusk and I’m still very tired, so I lay down on my side facing him, waiting for sleep to take me again. 

Taekwoon coughs.  __

I sit bolt upright. 

He coughs again, rolls over from the force of it, and cracks open his eyes, staring blearily at me. 

(Much later on hindsight I shouldn’t have started yelling the way I did. It gave him hiccups from the shock for an hour.) 

*

I think Hakyeon hyung is going slowly crazy. Not only does he have to deal with Wonsik and I - and Wonsik is the world’s worst PDA and cuddling offender - but now he’s got Taekwoon and Hyukkie too who are furiously making up for lost time. I know he’s holding his tongue because of the immense relief we all feel at Taekwoon waking up finally but - he’s cracking on the inside. I  _ know _ it.

“Why don’t you ask Wongeun hyung to come visit us here?” I ask him innocently as we sit out on the corridor enjoying the night air, Wonsik lying down with his head in my lap. Hyukkie and Taekwoon are in their room, presumably being disgusting out of sight. I can’t even properly describe why they are so disgusting - they bicker all the time and when they have nothing to bicker about they  _ make up reasons _ to do so and mock-wrestle and be all over each other - but call them out on it and they will deny it to the ends of the earth. Hakyeon hyung’s not the only one going crazy. So am I, actually.

“Mention him again and I will scalp you,” Hakyeon hyung answers me sweetly.

“Hyung,” I begin, fixing him with a stare. “It’s not like we don’t all know what’s going on with you and him.”

“When would you like to fix your scalping appointment for?”

Wonsik laughs his deep rumbling laugh. I really do love him. I hope he knows it. 

Taekwoon spills out of their room suddenly, (pretending) to escape from Hyukkie, and smiles when he sees us. This Taekwoon - this lighter, carefree, happy Taekwoon - is such a far cry from the person we knew in Hakyeon hyung’s givers’ house. He’s - he’s a mess, honestly. An absolute nerd. It’s amazing. I really don’t know about Hyukkie’s taste, but it’s with a little bit of horror that I realise he’s rapidly endearing himself to me, too. Wonsik, on the other hand, is completely in love with him. I think he finds Taekwoon adorable for some reason.

Hyukkie bursts out of the room a second later and at least he has the grace to look slightly ashamed when he sees they’ve got an audience. These two really need to stop it. 

“Your fake passport is ready, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon tells him with an answering smile. “I just got the call.”

Hakyeon hyung’s turnaround in behaviour towards Taekwoon is another amazing thing. Now he speaks to Taekwoon like he’s one of us - it’s only a matter of time before he starts calling Taekwoon ‘Woonie’; I’ve got whiplash. I suppose being willing to die for Hakyeon hyung’s child kinda gives you a pass for life. 

“When are we leaving, then?” Hyukkie asks, Taekwoon leaning his chin on his shoulder like a cat. That’s it! That’s what Taekwoon reminds me of!

“As soon as possible,” is the reply, and I can’t help but look forward to this. Japan is beautiful, and Japan is safe. I hope we stay there for a long time, all five of us.

I look at human Taekwoon, then at vampire Hyukkie. 

*

I help Sanghyuk keep watch over his dead lover while he goes out to find someone to bring home. He doesn’t want to go, of course, but I make him. Taekwoon will need it. 

The Osaka house is large and lived-in, and I enjoy every single day I wake up to a Japanese sunset and every day we get to travel to Arashiyama and walk among the trees and the temples and the graves or weave through the sounds and smells from the late-night izakayas. I could live here all my life and never go back to Korea, but I know Wonsik and Hongbin will miss it. Someday. Not soon.

I sit back in Wongeun’s arms and let the smell of him envelope me. I love his scent; I wish I could carry it with me everywhere I go. Eunji’s voice carries in through the open window and suddenly there’s shouting, but the kids are having fun. I haven’t felt this relaxed and relieved in months. Literally months.

“What are you thinking about?” Wongeun whispers into my ear, and for once I can tell someone everything. 

“I was beginning to worry he wouldn’t do it. And after what I gave the fae - something Hyukkie can never find out about, by the way - if he decided he wouldn’t turn I don’t know what I would have done.”

“But of course he would have done it in the end,” Wongeun replies, nuzzling my ear softly. “How could he not?”

“With how things have gone in the past few months I have learnt not to take things for granted,” I laugh, though there isn’t much humour in it. I mean it, however. I am so relieved. 

I walked my child through the process of making a new vampire. I watched him drink Taekwoon to the cusp of death for the second time and held him as he fought panic, watching his lover die. I helped him cut his wrist to give Taekwoon his blood. Later when Taekwoon wakes up we will both teach him to get used to his new world and the concept of immortality. 

Hyukkie comes home again in barely fifteen minutes, bringing with him a glamoured boy. I remember what the fae said, all that time ago -  _ baby vampires are greedy and makers are usually too indulgent _ .

I watch Taekwoon wake. I watch him feed for the first time. I watch Sanghyuk look at him with a heart so full he can’t believe his own eyes. It humbles me greatly; Taekwoon died for Hyukkie so they could be together forever and I was against this love for so long. He gave up his entire life for this and he still has living family. Friends. What will he do when it’s time for them to die?

They spend hours and hours away from the house these nights - just walking around being with each other, experiencing the world. I see myself in Hyukkie these days, teaching his own child our ways, discovering new things with him. Hyukkie - Sanghyuk - seems more mature now. Older. More secure. He doesn’t need my protection any longer and I honestly feel sappy about it. Taekwoon has taken to calling me ‘grandpa’ too and I swear to god one of these days I’m going to kill him.

I think it’s worth it, though. Sanghyuk  now has someone to be with through every age of the world, and I’ve never seen him so happy. 

“Are you crying?” Wongeun asks, amused, and I push him away sternly only to be pulled irresistibly back into a tight hug. I can’t help but laugh. 

*

Sanghyuk flexes both hands, wriggling his proudly regrown fingers at me. 

“It looks good on you,” I beam. 

“Eh,” he says, pretending to make an unimpressed face. “It’s alright. Kinda cheap, but alright.”

“Would you have preferred diamonds? Rubies? Sapphires?”

“Yes,” he says, seriously. I try to shove him, but of course he’s immovable as a rock. I’m not even that weak!

He lets himself fall back into our bed and examines his left hand held straight up in front of him. The platinum ring is just the right width, I think with satisfaction. It looks  _ extremely _ good on him. 

“Where’s yours?”

I put my hand next to his, and we look at the rings on our fingers together.

“This is really incredibly gross,” he tells me. “Even Wonsik and Hongbin hyungs don’t have matching rings.”

“Don’t you like it?”

“I don’t dislike it,” he says, and I roll my eyes at him. Even better, I turn my face to his shoulder and sink my fangs into his skin. He cries out and swats at me - true pain; it doesn’t excite him as much as it does me when he bites me during sex - but what I’m after is the small taste of him that leaks out in small drops. It’s heady, and keeps an invisible connecting line between us the whole night. I lick the tiny wounds closed and grin up at him. 

“I kinda miss when you couldn’t do that,” he says, and he still isn’t being serious. He loves me this way, and he loves the ring. I don’t care how much teasing he’s going to get from the others for it. 

I roll on top of him and I know he likes how ruffled I look after sex; hair tousled and lips kiss-swollen. I smell like him, and I love the knowledge that the only thing we’re wearing right now is matching rings.

The kiss is lazy. We have all the time in the world. 

*  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY IT IS DONE. HOLY SHIT. NEARLY 78K WORDS WTF.
> 
> feel free to ask any questions you may have!!! thank you so much to ppl who have followed this and regularly left comments, i appreciate you so much you don't even know. <333333


	19. epilogue II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um, this has obviously been a long time coming. this answers questions left up to the imagination from the ending, from hakyeon's perspective. wrapping up all loose ends, as it were. is it essential to read this? probably not, but i'm finally at peace lol.
> 
> first scene takes place in the little village in korea they have run to outside of seoul, before they leave for japan. last scene mirrors the last scene in the last chapter.

I honestly hate sometimes how well Hongbin knows me. Just when I think I’ve been keeping things to myself well enough - such that even Sanghyuk hasn’t noticed anything through our bond -  

I’ve been sitting outside on the porch with my legs dangling over the side for at least an hour now in the moonlight, and he was so quiet when he came to sit next to me that I almost didn’t hear him. Testament more to how preoccupied I was than my hearing ability.

“When are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

I try not to be annoyed. Not at Hongbin, but at our entire circumstances. Is it worth it to try to pretend I don’t know what he’s talking about? Part of me really wants to talk to him and just get it all off my chest, to have someone to share this awful knowledge with.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I say, and to my credit it sounds convincing enough. Just not convincing enough for Hongbin, who rolls his eyes at me.

“Sanghyuk’s too disgustingly caught up in Taekwoon. Wonsik suspects something’s up, but thinks you’re worrying about getting out of Korea soon enough. But that’s not everything, is it?”

“I’m amazed he managed to tear himself away from you long enough to notice,” I smile at Hongbin, stalling.

This hits home, and I laugh while he makes a wry face at me.

“He has more interests in life than me.”

“Sure he does.”

“I’m actually serious. He hasn’t told you, but he’s thinking of starting to make and post his music online, once we get settled in Japan and he can get his equipment.”

“Really?” I turn to him with large eyes. “Finally? After me nagging him to do so for a million years?”

“Yeah. Literally a million years.”

I smile, extremely pleased. “What made him-”

“We’re not talking about Wonsik right now,” he smoothly interrupts me. Damn it. “What are you worrying about?”

I look at him, and take a deep breath before blowing it out slowly. He mimics me expectantly.

“...Okay, how about I guess what it is since you nobly don’t want to burden me with the knowledge because you are the oldest and our leader and need to take care of everyone all the time?”

This time his words are the ones that hit home. I don’t see what’s there to criticise in this, however - I _am_ the oldest and I _do_ have to look after everyone and this _is_ my own burden to bear -

“You’re worrying about Sanghyuk and Taekwoon. Right? What’s going to happen to them when we leave for Japan? If they will work out, and if Taekwoon will want to turn for Hyukkie. Right?”

I nod. That much is obvious.

“You think he won’t turn.”

“Have you ever heard of a human who turned willingly for a vampire lover? None of us here volunteered to be turned. I myself don’t know anyone personally who ever _wanted_ to be a vampire, and I’m centuries old. Hell, I’ve never even heard of anyone seriously taking a human lover, and here Sanghyuk is on his second one already. I don’t know whether to be impressed or what.”

I’ve got Hongbin there, and he half wants to laugh but he can’t deny the truth of what I’m saying. It’s incredibly romantic, of course, but it’s not reality. I quickly gloss over the pang I always feel about turning Sanghyuk - he’s always said him becoming a vampire was an improvement over his past life, but I never really gave him a choice, did I?

“After all he’s done for Hyukkie-”

“Yes, but that was to save the life of someone he loved. We’re talking about giving up your whole life as you know it to allow a blood-drinking demon into your body. He will have to kill humans to survive, from time to time. He still has living family - how will he ever tell them?”

Hongbin is quiet now. He’s thinking of his own family, long dead. I can tell.

“He can still walk away from this,” I say, despite the trepidation I feel. “He will fall in love again with another human. Sanghyuk will just be - a good memory. An experience.”

“And Hyukkie?”

Here’s where I have to look away. Sanghyuk will have to be hurt again, but I know he’d prefer that to Taekwoon being forced to do something he might regret forever. Vampires that cannot accept the change - they don’t last, or they are put down for their own sake. If Sanghyuk turns Taekwoon and he isn’t able to bear it it’ll be Sanghyuk who will have to put him out of his misery and - I shudder without meaning to. I don’t know if Hongbin realises this; I don’t think he’s ever seen a vampire that was out of its mind because what remained of its humanity couldn’t reconcile itself with its new existence, and part of me is proud of that. I’ve kept them away from so many dark things.

But how is he going to survive having yet another lover refuse to want to be turned?

“So put the choice to them. Make them make the decision. They can’t just ignore it, hoping the question will go away.”

“You’re telling me this? When all you and Wonsik ever do is tell me to let Sanghyuk live his own life?”

Hongbin shrugs, ghost of a grin on his lips. “Like I said, they have to make the decision sooner or later. Better sooner than later. Either way, they need to choose.”

“Is it childish to say I wish none of this had happened?” I murmur, looking out into the garden; shadowed shapes of bushes turned fantastical in the silent darkness.

“No,” practical, no-nonsense Hongbin says kindly, and I reach out to grasp his hand for a few seconds. “But Hyukkie, Wonsik and I are healed, physically. Emotionally, we’ll get there. Sanghyuk chose to start things with Taekwoon, and he’ll have to deal with the consequences. All things considered,” he lightens his tone, trying to make me smile I suppose, “Things turned out pretty well. We’re all still here, together. Sanghyuk has a chance at being with someone again. If it ends badly, then it’s something he will have to deal with. You’ve done enough to try to protect all of us. Unless..”

I will Hongbin to stop talking.

“ _Unless_ there’s something else you’re not telling me.”

“Hmm?” I say noncommittally.

“So there _is_ something.” He cannot keep the triumph out of his voice. “I knew I was right.”

I give him a quelling look and raise my fist as if I’m going to hit him for that, and he immediately becomes serious once again. “It’s to do with the fae, isn’t it?”

I feel myself deflate in sheer exasperation. “How do you know everything? Why are you even bothering to ask me?”

He looks at me steadily, and I drop my hands and close my eyes, defeated.

“Hyung, just what did you promise to give her in payment? You refused to tell Hyukkie when he asked, and you avoided the subject when Wonsik asked you too, a few days later.”

I curse myself for the millionth time. I should have made another deal. I should have insisted on money. I was too strung out, not thinking clearly at the time, and she saw her opportunity and took it.

“Binnie,” I say, throat suddenly tight with self-derision and everything I’ve been trying to keep under wraps. “I fucked up.”

_When Wonsik and Hongbin disappear into the bathroom with Taekwoon and Sanghyuk respectively, having to use the shower to clean the blood off off them - so much blood - I’m left staring at the empty bloodied sofa and carpet before me. My legs go weak all at once and the fae solicitously helps me into the armchair. I let go of her quickly. I don’t like touching her. It’s - unnerving._

_I can’t think. I’m - too much. Too much just happened, and I’m done being in control for now. Where there was adrenaline and sickening fear there’s just exhaustion and an emotional void now. Sanghyuk is alive, but barely just. Taekwoon is alive, but barely just._

_The fae is still standing there._

_“Payment,” I manage to utter, but she cuts me off._

_“Give me that knife. The one the witch spelled,” she says thoughtfully. “Since you aren’t willing to give me what would truly be useful to me. Don’t even bother bringing up money.”_

_I just look at her. I feel like it’s an effort just keeping my eyes open - of course. It must be daytime by now._

_“I”m talking about the human’s blood. I don’t know why you wanted me to save him - you should have just let the boy vampire drain him and be done with it. Or is he some kind of pet?”_

_“He is special to us,” I manage to grit out._

_“Oh, right. I saw the tender, touching kiss he gave your child. Amusing. I suppose it makes sense, having one human lover after another and discarding them once they get old or die. Keeps life interesting.”_

_“It’s not like that with them.” My brain is full of fog. I dimly register sounds of water coming from the bathroom, and images of deep red water swirling down the drainpipe begin to swirl in my mind._

_“What? Are you telling me they’re in love?” The fae laughs. It’s a terrible sound. “Does your child think the human will turn for him? Of course he won’t. Humans would rather die than willingly take the demon, which is all you have to offer. I didn’t take you or your child for the delusional type. Or is it just sheer stupidity?”_

_I have no patience or energy for this. “Payment,” I repeat, angry now. What does a fae know about love? Or my Sanghyuk? How dare she?_

_“How about this,” the fae says, squatting down so we are face to face. I don’t appreciate the gesture. “You’ve intrigued me. If the human refuses to turn in two months for your child.. I will take care of him for you. If he does turn, he’s all yours. No payment needed.”_

_I squint at her, faint alarms going off vaguely in my head. “Take care of him-”_

_“Which won’t be needed. Because you’re so sure that he loves your child, aren’t you?”_

_“Speak clearly! What do you mean?”_

_The fae shrugs and stands. “I saved his life. He has my signature now so I will always be able to find him, unless he turns and the demon takes over. And I_ will _have what I have been denied.”_

_“You can’t force him to give you his blood,” I say, trying hard to concentrate. The sun is pulling too hard on my body, and with everything that has just happened I just want to sleep for a week._

_The fae smiles. “But I won’t have to ask anymore. Remember our deal,” she trills, turning and making for the door. “Thanks for the entertainment. And the knife.”_

Hongbin just stares in horror at me. “What did she mean, she won’t have to ask?”

I look at my hands. I texted Wongeun, asked him to help me find out. There are experts in Japan on witches the like of which are less advanced in Korea, and everything he found out is stuff I should have thought of beforehand. I was so unbelievably careless.

“She saved his life. That kind of magic leaves a debt. He belongs to her now, until he dies.”

Hongbin sits unmoving, speechless. I can’t even look at him for shame.

“But then - Sanghyuk. She saved him too. Does he also-”

“Taekwoon saved him with his blood,” I say softly, still not looking at Hongbin. “Not the fae.”

“There has to be a way to break the- the- what is it? The debt? Is there another way to pay it?”

“What do you think, Binnie? How would you pay off a life debt?”

I don’t intend to be sardonic, but it’s all out in the open now. Taekwoon’s life is on a deadline, and I let him end up in this situation because I wasn’t careful enough with the fae. He’s effectively trapped.

“Hyung?” Hongbin asks, slightly unsure. I suppose he doesn’t often see me this bitter.

“To release Taekwoon we’d have to give her another human in return. But someone willing. Not forced, or glamoured. What do you want to do, take out an ad online? And I don’t think she’d accept a trade, anyway. She wants him specifically because we didn’t want to let her have his blood from the start. It’s just a game to her.”

I let my head thunk back onto one of the thick wooden pillars behind me.

“You need to tell them,” Hongbin begins, uncertainly. “Right? They have the right to know.”

“And say what? I can’t force Taekwoon to turn just to save him from the fae,” I answer, frustration and urgency roiling through my body as I voice the dilemma that’s been eating me up from the inside ever since that day, watching Taekwoon and Sanghyuk happy together and feeling the clock ticking Taekwoon’s life away. “He hardly has a choice. Die and become a vampire, or die at the hands of the fae. If he wants to turn to be with Sanghyuk it should be a decision unburdened by some other option that’s pushing him towards some lesser evil. And if I tell them and he turns, don’t you think it will haunt Sanghyuk forever? That maybe Taekwoon only did it to avoid being killed by the fae instead of because he really wanted to be with Sanghyuk forever? And what if Taekwoon does, and he ends up regretting it and hating what he’s become?”

“Maybe the fae only wants some of his blood,” Hongbin says, but the moment the words are out of his mouth we both know they’re empty. A human bound to her till the moment of his death, unable to refuse anything she wanted from him - I dig my nails into the palms of my hands. I cannot let that happen to him.

And worst of all - what if Sanghyuk blames me for this?

“I can’t tell them,” I declare decisively. “Taekwoon has a month left, and we’re going to Japan tomorrow. Maybe we can - if we get a head start maybe we can outrun her. Maybe I can find another fae to counteract the magic. Something! There has to be something.”

*

When Sanghyuk and Taekwoon come to me to tell me the news, hand in hand, I break down crying. They think it’s because I’m touched and sentimental - in truth, Taekwoon only has two days left and I was going to come clean and tell them both about the fae that same night.

I cannot stop the tears. Wongeun laughs at me, but I see my shattered relief reflected in Hongbin’s face. He’s been carrying this secret with me for almost a month; I have regretted telling him, but he has made it easier for me to bear this burden and be patient. Not once did he betray my trust or falter.

I kiss Wongeun through the little rivers of red running down my cheeks and he licks at them playfully. I feel lighter than I have in what seems like years. Taekwoon wants to turn for Sanghyuk - not because of any other reason than that he loves Sanghyuk and wants to be with him. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it. I hug the both of them until they protest and squirm to be let go.

The guilt I feel still is buoyed along by relief and happiness, and the relief is selfish.

*

 _I help Sanghyuk keep watch over his dead lover while he goes out to find someone to bring home. He doesn’t want to go, of course, but I make him. Taekwoon will need it._ _  
_ _  
_ _The Osaka house is large and lived-in, and I enjoy every single day I wake up to a Japanese sunset and every day we get to travel to Arashiyama and walk among the trees and the temples and the graves or weave through the sounds and smells from the late-night izakayas. I could live here all my life and never go back to Korea, but I know Wonsik and Hongbin will miss it. Someday. Not soon._ _  
_ _  
_ _I sit back in Wongeun’s arms and let the smell of him envelope me. I love his scent; I wish I could carry it with me everywhere I go. Eunji’s voice carries in through the open window and suddenly there’s shouting, but the kids are having fun. I haven’t felt this relaxed and relieved in months. Literally months._ _  
_ _  
_ _“What are you thinking about?” Wongeun whispers into my ear, and for once I can tell someone everything._ _  
_ _  
_ _“I was beginning to worry he wouldn’t do it. And after what I gave the fae - something Hyukkie can never find out about, by the way - if he decided he wouldn’t turn I don’t know what I would have done.”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“But of course he would have done it in the end,” Wongeun replies, nuzzling my ear softly. “How could he not?”_ _  
_ _  
_ _“With how things have gone in the past few months I have learnt not to take things for granted,” I laugh, though there isn’t much humour in it. I mean it, however. I am so relieved._ _  
_ _  
_ _I walked my child through the process of making a new vampire. I watched him drink Taekwoon to the cusp of death for the second time and held him as he fought panic, watching his lover die. I helped him cut his wrist to give Taekwoon his blood. Later when Taekwoon wakes up we will both teach him to get used to his new world and the concept of immortality._ _  
_ _  
_ _Hyukkie comes home again in barely fifteen minutes, bringing with him a glamoured boy. I remember what the fae said, all that time ago - baby vampires are greedy and makers are usually too indulgent ._ _  
_ _  
_ _I watch Taekwoon wake. I watch him feed for the first time. I watch Sanghyuk look at him with a heart so full he can’t believe his own eyes. It humbles me greatly; Taekwoon died for Hyukkie so they could be together forever and I was against this love for so long. He gave up his entire life for this and he still has living family. Friends. What will he do when it’s time for them to die?_ _  
_ _  
_ _They spend hours and hours away from the house these nights - just walking around being with each other, experiencing the world. I see myself in Hyukkie these days, teaching his own child our ways, discovering new things with him. Hyukkie - Sanghyuk - seems more mature now. Older. More secure. He doesn’t need my protection any longer and I honestly feel sappy about it. Taekwoon has taken to calling me ‘grandpa’ too and I swear to god one of these days I’m going to kill him._ _  
_ _  
_ _I think it’s worth it, though. Sanghyuk  now has someone to be with through every age of the world, and I’ve never seen him so happy._ _  
_ _  
__“Are you crying?” Wongeun asks, amused, and I push him away sternly only to be pulled irresistibly back into a tight hug. I can’t help but laugh._

_“I’m glad you’re still here,” Wongeun tells me seriously. “I’m glad you didn’t have to go through with your plan. Would you even have come to me to say goodbye?”_

_“No,” I reply him honestly. “It would have been easier that way.”_

_“You know she would have killed you and then come for Taekwoon anyway,” Wongeun says, drawing patterns into my shoulder. “You know what the fae are like. She wanted his human blood, and you giving yourself in his place would just have angered her.”_

_“It was worth a try,” I murmur, and lay my head on his chest. I don’t want to think about this anymore. I never want to think about this again. My family is complete, and we are safe._

_We are safe, we are safe._

_*_


End file.
